July 4th: The Final Thread - Printable Version

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July 4th: The Final Thread - Truthordeal - 07-04-2016 12:20 AM

Patriots and plebeians of these AbridgedForums, I come to you once more on this, the spirit journey formation anniversary of our proud and United States. I come to help you celebrate the declaration of the eternal freedom enshrined in our nation's history, and to enjoy the benefits of our inextricable march towards progress. I am not here, however, to hawkishly and stubbornly insult all of you who were not born in the US of A as I often have in the past.

Because I realized over the course of a period of time that we are all one world, on this July 4th (metric is still for losers) when I speak of America and ask for this time of reflection, I am not merely talking about the singular country, the United States of America. No. America, to me, is more than a certain landmass located between two arbitrary geographic borders. "America" to me is an idea. That idea being, if you cherish liberty and good will towards your fellow man, you will find acceptance and mirth forever and always. "America" to me is also a promise. That promise being, if you are oppressed, or caught in a situation from which there seems to be no recourse, no matter your race, religion, nationality or temper, there will come a day when the light will guide you out of that darkness.

As much as we like to shout ironically about our freedoms and gun ownership, and crassly and pessimistically deny any sincerity loving one's country, America is still an experiment. Two hundred forty years old today, this experiment was created by a relatively small population of people who decided that the old ways weren't good enough. On this day, marking that two hundred forty year anniversary, I would like everyone to remember the lesson taught by that population; that through sacrifice and determination, even a small, insignificant group can defeat a great evil if pushed hard enough.

So that being said, I would like all Real Americans, foreign or domestic, to please rise, put your hands over your heart, and say along with me in a loud clear voice:


RE: July 4th: The Final Thread - ToNi - 07-04-2016 07:15 PM

Good shitpost.

RE: July 4th: The Final Thread - Truthordeal - 07-04-2017 11:21 PM

I was told that people were disappointed with the lack of a comedic July 4th thread from me this year, so here goes:

America voted for Trump, so fuck America. You all blew it.

We. The People.

RE: July 4th: The Final Thread - ToNi - 07-05-2017 11:33 PM

I was expecting another shitpost. Instead I got truth.

Postelection America is an ordeal.

RE: July 4th: The Final Thread - Anax - 07-09-2017 11:41 AM

I've been more pleased with Trump than displeased. Certainly, I believe he was a better choice than Clinton.

Good job, America. You made us dodge a bullet. Now get us out of this swamp.