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Atomic Critiques
12-12-2013, 04:22 AM (This post was last modified: 12-12-2013 04:31 AM by AtomicVoice.)
Post: #1
Atomic Critiques
Would you like your hard work to be reviewed and evaluated by a completely under qualified 20 year old who has nothing better to do with his time?

Do you like it when someone informs you that what you have made sucks and is completely unapologetic about it?

Would receiving advice from someone who actually has minimal experience help you?

Then this is the thread for you!

Hello there, my name is AtomicVoice, I am a highly opinionated 20 year old who is also an enthusiastic voice actor, writer and abridger!
The purpose of this thread is effectively just a result of my boredom, so in my downtime I have decided to take it upon myself to evaluate the work of my fellow entertainers; despite having no real success in the field myself! (yet)

Allow me to warn you though, I will not be a shoulder to cry on, if I think your work is bad I will give you my honest opinion, I am not here to be your friend, I am here to evaluate and review.

The methodology behind my critiques will be as follows:

My prior knowledge of the series
While I do enjoy anime I will openly admit I am completely ignorant of many series, I simply do not have the time or patience to watch every show/series that I would like to, however, if I have background knowledge of a show I will inform you of my understanding and opinion of it before I actually review your work.
If I do not have prior knowledge of the original show your work is based on I will inform you of this in my critique and then review your work from as non-biased of a position as I possibly can.

Overview
I'll provide any readers who might be interested in a quick synopsis of what your abridged episode was trying to achieve and how it was trying to achieve this.

Writing
An abridged episode can only be as good as its writers allow it to be. If you have great editing and great voicing it can all mean nothing if the writing and flow of the story is bad.
I will admit that even I must learn more about abridged writing, as there is an art to it, but I will do my best to offer constructive criticism and point out what elements of the writing I felt was good and what elements I felt require more attention.

Acting
Acting for me is a big one, probably because I am biased about it.
I am a budding voice actor looking to make it big, I put 100% into all my voice performances and I expect others to do the same, if I feel that the execution of your actors was bad I'll make sure you know it.
Emotion, pronunciation, quality of voice, quality of microphone, inflection, direction, accents and overall ability to act will be taken into account.

Editing
I have done some editing in my time and I know first hand that abridged editing can be a long and tiring process, however it is the backbone of a series in many respects, if something looks like it was edited with a toaster I will struggle to watch the entire thing, no matter how good the other aspects might be.

Pros
I'll provide you will a neat little list of what I thought was performed well.

Cons
As with the pros I will tell you in list form what I feel requires work.

Overall
I'll provide my final thoughts and then provide you with a rating out of 10.

1 being a complete train wreck and 10 being a gold and jewel encrusted turd which needs absolutely no more polishing to be perfect.

Anyway, I'll only critique work if requested, so post your series/episodes below if you'd like to hear my two cents.

-Atomic

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01-05-2014, 01:02 AM
Post: #2
RE: Atomic Critiques
Looks like you need a video as much as I need a ctique.



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01-06-2014, 01:29 AM (This post was last modified: 01-06-2014 01:33 AM by AtomicVoice.)
Post: #3
RE: Atomic Critiques
(01-05-2014 01:02 AM)LunchFTW Wrote:  Looks like you need a video as much as I need a ctique.



Hey LunchFTW, thanks for the reply.

My prior knowledge of the series
Pokemon is a biggie in the anime world, it was probably at it's height of popularity back in the 90's with western culture and while I did watch it back then I haven't seen it in probably over a decade, so my understanding of the story is sketchy at best.

Given this in mind I will take this critique and review your work as though I know nothing about Pokemon.

Overview
This is the second episode in your abridged series. It starts off with Ash throwing a pebble for an unexplained reason at (if memory serves correctly) a pidgey, the pebble hits it in the back of the head and Ash and Pikachu are subsequently attacked. The remainder of the episode which is relatively short even for an abridged parody chronicles Ash and Pikachu as they attempt to outrun the vicious flock.

Writing
Honestly I wasn't impressed. The dialogue in the episode felt disjointed and clunky, and the brief run in with Misty was very odd, it seemed like you weren't sure if it was a fandub or a abridged parody, which caused their conversation to feel very unusual. While abridged in a traditional sense simply means to shorten something, in an abridged series it is usually extended to mean comedic purposes not designed to simply retell the story. While there are a couple of attempts at humor throughout the video they all fell short of a good punchline, which was disappointing.
If you are writing this series by yourself I would suggest that you try and recruit at least one or two more people, as more ideas generally will result in a stronger end product as it allows you to weed out the good from the bad.

Acting
I really cannot think of any other way to say this; your acting was some of the worst I have seen. Whisper yelling (when you pretend to yell but do it quietly), unemotional line delivery and just an overall unenthusiastic performance from both you and the VA who played Misty really brought this episode down, even with the weak writing I feel it still would have been okay if you actually tried to deliver a convincing performance.
Another thing; if you intend to keep this series running I would advise investing in a decent microphone, even if you're a good actor you can only do so much if you're recording with a toaster.

Editing
Editing is just another element that has fallen short. Your use of sound effects is very poor, half the time you don't have any sort of sound effects and the other half of the time the effects you have chosen are very weak, and actually detract from the experience because they feel disjointed and out of place.
The actual video editing isn't amazing either, you've only used lip flaps for a few scenes, and they're barely even synced to the dialogue, and at other times you haven't even made an effort to make the sounds sync up.
There are also a couple of scenes that needed some sort of voicing or sound effects such as when Ash was being attacked on the bike and you have completely neglected them.

Pros
  • You attempted to add humor to the dialogue.
  • You actually got a female VA to play Misty.
  • I thought the intro with the Bill Cosby remix was kind of funny.

Cons
  • Unemotional and unenthusiastic acting.
  • Weak editing.
  • Poor sound design.
  • Pikachu's voice.
  • Lackluster and mostly boring writing.
  • Not sure if the series was trying to be funny or a fandub.
  • Microphone quality.


Overall
I'm going to go out and assume that this is your first attempt at ever making an abridged series, and you're discovering that it is not easy.
Good abridged series are rare because of how much time and work is needed to make them, and at this stage you do not seem to be putting anywhere near enough time or effort into this.
I don't want to dishearten you and tell you to stop making this series, and if you're only making it for fun and not for views then keep going by all means, but if you want this series to someday gain a foothold among the countless other series out there you need to really up your game.

Presently I would give this series a 2/10.

I hope this has helped you.

-Atomic

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01-06-2014, 07:28 AM
Post: #4
RE: Atomic Critiques
Is there any way to learn how to add comedic effects or is it something that if you have to figure out on your own?

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01-06-2014, 08:05 AM
Post: #5
RE: Atomic Critiques
You can download comedic effects at the same website that you can download more Ram

Go see Age of Inside Out.
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01-06-2014, 11:13 AM
Post: #6
RE: Atomic Critiques
Comedic sound effects can be found on many sites. The best resource to find a lot of everything is the VAA's sound effect index: http://voiceactingalliance.com/board/sho...post772369

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01-06-2014, 11:47 AM
Post: #7
RE: Atomic Critiques
If you need another episode to critique I certainly have one that could use it:




* Aquaman: The Unabridged Parody Series (ATUPS) Episode 1 is now out!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yAwc-7aHf4
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01-06-2014, 07:19 PM
Post: #8
RE: Atomic Critiques
(01-06-2014 07:28 AM)LunchFTW Wrote:  Is there any way to learn how to add comedic effects or is it something that if you have to figure out on your own?

The only surefire way to get better at abridging is practice. There isn't really any set in stone method to being successful or good, it's all about pushing yourself as a writer/actor/editor and continually striving to create better content.

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01-06-2014, 09:42 PM
Post: #9
RE: Atomic Critiques
(01-06-2014 08:05 AM)spritestuff Wrote:  You can download comedic effects at the same website that you can download more Ram

This brightened up my day XD

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01-07-2014, 12:17 AM
Post: #10
RE: Atomic Critiques
(01-06-2014 11:47 AM)Yuoaman Wrote:  If you need another episode to critique I certainly have one that could use it:




Thanks for the critique request, Yuoaman!

My prior knowledge of the series
Aquaman is one of those superheroes that you know exist, but quite frankly he just seems to damn lame that you never really bother with him, at least that is the way it is for me.
Aside from a few cutaway gags on Family Guy and occasionally stumbling across the show itself while surfing through TV channels or the internet late a night I have never really seen nor had the desire to see anything Aquaman related.
So, with this being the case I think it is only fair that I approach this series with a clean slate.

Overview
Aquaman: The Unabridged Parody Series Episode 1 is, as the name implies, the first episode in what I imagine you intend to create a series from, and for the most part it is a very clean and well made first effort.
The first episode introduces the characters and sets the path for their development, Black Manta along with his English accented assistant Harold are having submarine issues, as well as clarity issues with why they're actually in the submarine to begin with, it would seem Black Manta has some memory troubles and can't seem to commit to whether or not Aquaman is his enemy or just some fellow who looks like he knows his way around some complex wiring. A few mishaps later and we have ourselves a first episode!

Writing
Writing was actually quite good. I enjoyed the majority of the episode, however I will say that there were various points when I felt the dialogue was either unnecessary or dragged on for too long, and didn't really add or detract from the story.
The jokes for the most part were well done, and actually had me laughing for at a couple points.
I did notice during the credit sequence that it was only written by you, I would suggest writing with at least one more person, as when more ideas are shared the bad ones tend to be filtered out, this will aid with dialogue flow as well as character and story development.

Acting
Now for this part I am actually not sure how well you did.
Part of me thinks that your unemotional and cheesy line delivery was a parody in and of itself, picking on the way early animated cartoons were voiced.
Another part of me feels as though you just don't know how to deliver convincing performances, I can't really complain about the actual voices chosen as they all seemed fine, but emotion was lacking badly, it felt like the actors were just reading off the script for the first time with minimal to no direction.

Editing
Aquaman if I am not mistaken is actually a western animation, which in abridging terms means it is hard as hell to edit well.
So I must give you kudos here, because this was put together really quite well. Sound effects were generally nice, lip flaps synced and the flow was good.
I'm not a talented editor, but with my untrained eye I cannot really see a whole lot of flaws that warrant a complaint!

Pros
  • Good writing for the most part.
  • Solid editing.
  • Well written jokes.
  • Good voices.
  • Characters were likeable.

Cons
  • Awkward pacing at times.
  • Duration: Ideal duration is usually about 5-8 minutes.
  • Acting (Unless the intent was for it to be cheesy).

Overall
For a first time episode this well and truly beyond the typical crap people produce. It is well put together and I enjoyed watching it, albeit a little bit long.
I look forward to future episodes, good work!

I'd rate this about a 6/10.

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01-08-2014, 08:09 PM
Post: #11
RE: Atomic Critiques
Thanks for the critique, dude, glad you found parts of it worthy of praise!

The voices for Black Manta and Aquaman in particular were intended to be cheesy and over-the-top, but not without emotion so I'll be sure to keep an eye (or ear) on that in future productions.

* Aquaman: The Unabridged Parody Series (ATUPS) Episode 1 is now out!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yAwc-7aHf4
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06-30-2014, 03:54 PM
Post: #12
RE: Atomic Critiques
If could get to this! Pleeeeeeease.



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