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GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
03-05-2016, 02:10 PM
Post: #41
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
Eagle8burger's Dumb Piece videos tickle my zozzlebox, so I'm interested to hear his opinion of one of mine.





I am unashamed.

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03-06-2016, 06:20 AM
Post: #42
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
His last review was a year ago, and you never listen to what anyone tells you anyway. Because of the secret jealous liar clause that we all had to sign. Don't pretend you actually want criticism.

Go see Age of Inside Out.
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03-06-2016, 01:59 PM
Post: #43
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
I'm pretty sure last November wasn't a year ago.

And I'm perfectly open to criticism from people without salty underwear.

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03-11-2016, 01:27 PM
Post: #44
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
Hey there I'm new to the abridged parody world and I know I have a lot of work to do so if you can tell me where this needs to go.








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06-10-2016, 11:14 AM (This post was last modified: 06-10-2016 11:47 AM by eagle8burger.)
Post: #45
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
HOLY ASS TITS. I HAVE BEEN A TERRIBLE SENSEI.

I'm gonna start ploughing through this backlog. Get back to being a bit more involved with this forum after a pretty inexcusable absence.

I won't be accepting new critiques for at least a week. If you do post, I will take it down for the time being until I feel I can start on these again.

Sorry for being a crap sensei!

WESTERN EDUCATION > EASTERN EDUCATION

AKA Scooby Dubs





MVJ
I really enjoyed when Fred hit on Daphne in front of Velma. It wasn't the most original joke, but you got a lot out of it solidifying the relationship between 3 characters. It really added to the groundwork laid (pun intended) in the source material.

Style
I felt this episode really suffered from not having any distinct direction. You did some very intensive editing - which was super impressive given the quality of the footage - but it never added a lot to what was going on. It's clear that your capable of doing imaginative things with your footage, but your comedy didn't hit the same level of creativity, which left it off base. I think you need to look more at stuff like purpleeyesWTF's None Piece. Look at how he just strings a bunch of really fast jokes together that are impressively edited to maximize comedy. I think you just need to have more direction in your writing to influence your edits.

Flow
This was hard to watch, to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy parts of the video. I just didn't enjoy how it was put together. It wasn't fast enough. So much of comedy is about speed and beating your audience to the punch line. That never happened. Even your edits - which were really good - were just too slow.

Take the fun thing you did with Shaggy's face. We hold on Shaggy's face before the edit, then the camera moves in slowly and the edit happens. This would play much better off of a cutback or a jump cut in. Something jarring. Surprise is your ally. Consider the first thing most of us laugh at is peek-a-boo - which is literally just surprise. I think adding that to your editing would benefit you immensely.

The other part of this episode that could be improved on is the character work. Scooby Doo is super well known, and the work you did with Fred is indicative of what you can do with the rest of the show. You don't have to lay out characters, you can just go out and make them your own. Apart from Fred, none were distinct. Daphne is...a sex addict...maybe? Idk. In any case, not having characters hurt the flow of the episode by not engaging me beyond the source material, which, unfortunately, was a massive opportunity lost.

Summary
Scooby Dubs is a fun little Halloween special. While impressively edited, the pacing and overall writing leaves much to be desired. As such, I feel I have to rate this RAMBO - but in the most encouraging way as only Rambo could encourage. The potential this has is unbelievable, and I hope you can push it there. I think you have the talent in the editing room, you just have to expand your comedic vocabulary. I also award this JOHN WAYNE'S LIPS MEMORIAL Trophy for having the gall to put up with lip-flapping western animation, pilgrim.

I'M BACK BITCHES

Heart ~ I'LL PLAY MYSELF OUT ~ Heart
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06-11-2016, 10:30 AM
Post: #46
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
Sorry Yaro, still not accepting posts for a week until I clean out the old ones.
Alas, no exceptions.

I also know Charleston has released Ep. 5 already (eons ago) and we've talked one on one about both eps. If you still want a review, lemme know.

THAT SAID, LET THE BACKLOG CLEANSING CONTINUE. PENCILS DOWN.

Jacob Angelstar's Tokyo Ghoul Club





MVJ
While not executed the best, I loved your back and forth joke between Kaneki's human and ghoul state. The visual element made it pay off really well. I thought it was your best idea in the episode.

Style
This seems to be very repetitive in recent reviews, but it's hard to tell where you're going stylistically with this. Your writing feels like you're trying to be more fandubby, but there's little to no BGM that accompanies this sentiment. The problem is that your humour is very low key and you do little to deviate from the original plot - at least that's what it feels like. This plays a lot better when the atmosphere you create feels more like the original show. Look at TFS' work in the Cell saga. Even when the show isn't trying to be funny, it's still entertaining because of the quality of the work. At the times when you're explaining to the audience, BGM and SFX will benefit you greatly by upping the quality of the show to make it more engaging.

Alternatively, check out Antfish's work with JoJo's. Note how his writing and voice acting make the show super engaging and hilarious, even though he's essentially just explaining the plot. Everything in that show with Dio is absolute gold, and it's not original at all - it's just done in the delivery.

Flow
The flow was awful.

The end.

Okay, not the end, but there were so many issues with the episode in sound that it felt like you really took a step back from your first episode which left you with a lot of potential.

I've said this a lot recently, but I'll say it again. SPEED. SPEED. SPEED.

Speed is your greatest ally in comedy. It's a race to your punchline - your wit versus your audiences. ESPECIALLY in a show that's not going to make that many jokes, you want to be shorter. This could easily have been 6 minute episode in my opinion.

A lot of your directing and editing suggestions seemed to be in favour of being long and drawn out. Having worked with nearly your entire voice cast at some point or another, you are playing with an amazing bevy of talent that's not performing at near what their potential is. GaoGaiKing was very notably underwhelming from what his normal performances are like - and that takes a lot to make him sound off-key. However, it wasn't even his performance that was the issue, it was the characterization of everyone else that made him standout as off. If you have one guy running at a 9 while everyone else is running at a 4, that 9 is going to sound worse.

On top of that, you underutilized your VAs to help you get character across. I genuinely think that the writing for this was not too bad, but the performances you directed didn't help you at all. Duchess' and Code's characters, for example, had some really interesting lines, but the way that you directed them and the way they were edited in added nothing to your storytelling. I KNOW you can do much better than this with the amount of talent you have around you.

So here's a quick lecture:

WHY YOU SHOULD USE BGM (Background Music) BGM helps you dictate the tempo of your comedy. Slow music will help make slow scenes seem faster and will help your audience stay in time with faster scenes. Moreover, it will help make your final product feel more polished with little to no extra effort.

If you can learn to edit to music, it is a huge, huge asset. It makes your comedy play 1000x funnier than it is because you are engaging your audience. In my opinion, comedy is 30% about material and 70% of getting the audience on your side. Mitch Hedberg is a great example. His jokes are bizzarrely simple, but the audience is so engaged in his performance, you can't help but laugh at his jokes.

Bubbly white wine can quickly be appraised as champagne, but flat champagne is crap.

Your fight scenes were also too long given your sound effect library. Again, look at what Antfish does with the fights in his Jojo's series. It works because of how much they contrast with the style of the rest of the episode. Contrast is your friend, and it makes for immediate comedy.

I could go into the issues with your flash frames and other editing problems that took me out of the episode, as well as finding the focus of your comedy, but right now, I think your issues all lie in your pacing and speed. Fix that, and we'll talk about the other issues later. If you Hide this warning (hahahaha, I'm awful), I think your product will improve exponentially.

Summary
Jacob Angelstar's Tokyo Ghoul Abridged Episode 2 is...well, not good. Apart from the saving grace of one interesting idea, I found it very hard to watch. Because of this, I have to award it my first ever NOPE. But with NOPE comes HOPE. There is a lot of wrong in this episode that can very easily be righted. Given how popular your first episode was versus your second one, I think it's in your best interest to seriously consider these criticisms in your upcoming episodes. You definitely have an audience that's interested in your source material, but improving your comedy and quality of work will not only be a boon to your creative skills, but also recapturing your audience. I'd like to award you the "CHIN UP, LAD" Award for having to deal with one of my more savage critiques. I think I may be becoming a ghoul myself.

Believe me, I'm on your side for improving yourself creatively. Challenge yourself. Even if you still feel this episode was great, challenge yourself to create something that makes it look like crap in comparison.

NEXT TIME. I GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY HAJIME NO IPPO ABRIDGED.

Heart ~ I'LL PLAY MYSELF OUT ~ Heart
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06-11-2016, 10:43 AM
Post: #47
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
I admit myself, I wasn't proud of this episode, but I promise I'll do better for episode 3

AngelThere's No Bigger Star Then An AngelStar.
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06-14-2016, 09:24 AM
Post: #48
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
TIME TO UNBOX THE NEXT EPISODE





MVJ
This was easy. The joke about the gay boxer gaining acceptance - "Your my boxer and the future father of my grandson, I don't care if you're gonna be gay." was damn well near perfect. It's the first 16 minute joke I've heard in an abridged series that played like 16 minute joke. It resolved a plot point, it was comedic, and it was emotional. You hit the trifecta - amazing work. This is HOF worthy material.

Style
From this episode, it's clear you are a far better writer and storyteller than you are an editor. 16 minutes of material is a lot, and the fact that 14 minutes of it were compelling despite absolutely atrocious editing (can't pull punches) really shows that you have a high ceiling of potential. I draw a lot of similarities to Dub of the North Star in that regard.

The one problem I find with your style is that while it's compelling, it's not all that funny. I'm invested in your storytelling, but I find your jokes fall flat. The card scene, for instance, was just such meh humour and made me want to stop watching. However, when you hooked onto the gay boxer storyline, you found your legs and ran with it. I'd really look at what Dub of the North Star does with its humour for future episodes - the editing is minimal and it showcases how good the writing is. I think it would benefit you immensely. You're very capable of writing funny stuff - you proved it with your MVJ - I think you just have to work it a little more.

Flow
This episode was kinda all over the place. I think it should have run around 12 minutes. The opening really took away from what was great storytelling. You almost had an A and B storyline too which is great narrative complexity, but it kept getting interrupted by dumb little bits.

The wall joke really took me out at the episode's climax. I didn't find it that funny and it came at such an odd time. I didn't think it was bad, necessarily. I just thought it could have been executed better and could have run much shorter. I think if you could have done something in the editing room, it could have played great.

The VAing was kinda all over the place. Some lines felt like they were delivered great, a lot of them were not. The back and forth between Ippo's friends was notably a low point for me. There was really no character work done with them for the whole episode and a lack of presence by their VAs didn't help. I found myself just waiting for their dialogue to end a lot of the time.

I think if you have more of an editors presence - even if it doesn't show up in onscreen stuff like lip-flaps and visual gags - and figure out how to trim your scenes better and initiate your transitions smoother, this episode could run shorter and cleaner than it did.

Summary
LeRoygendary's Hajime no Ippo Abridged is one of the more compelling things I've had to review. Unique in its storytelling, it makes odd but effective use of its gargantuan 17 minute run time. I rate this episode SWIFFER REQUIRED because of both its run time and dead air space. However, with a bit more dedication in the editing room and faster pacing, I believe this series has the potential to be HOF worthy. I also award it the COCKY BALBOA award for Best Gay Boxer in an Abridged Series.

And my next episode is...
HOLY FUCK.
AN HOUR???
A FUCKING HOUR????
ARE YOU FUCKED????

...oh it's all the episodes in one.
OKAY.

I'm gonna do something a little different here. I'll watch it until I feel the episode starts to break down. I'm giving a minimum of 2 minutes with a 30 second grace period.

MAKE SHORTER EPISODES. PLZ. YOU'RE KILLING ME.

Heart ~ I'LL PLAY MYSELF OUT ~ Heart
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Darker than Black - Hyperabridged
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06-15-2016, 06:18 PM
Post: #49
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
BRACE. JUST. BRACE.





Justice League War Abridged by Slap Happy Chaps is...

...well...

...I don't know. I couldn't make it through the video.

I'm sorry.

Because of this, I'm going to depart from my regular format and just outline what happened with my experience watching it and why I couldn't keep watching it.

Please remember that this is all meant to be encouraging - I'm just trying to outline areas where you can improve.

When I said I'd give the video about 2 minutes, a good 1:20 of that time was in just disclaimer and intro. Neither of these aspects got me excited about watching the video. They immediately disengaged me as I felt I was being forced to sit through stuff that was in the way.

Let me say that there's nothing wrong with a long intro if it's engaging. SAOAbridged has an intro that's a little long for my liking normally, but it's so engaging, I watch it all the time. Here, it seems you've spliced in parts of the actual movie with an otherwise interesting intro. That just doesn't do it.

The opening joke about the pimp was kinda nice and got me back in (after a minute and a half), but immediately I was smacked in the face with a very slow paced fight scene that just took me right back out. I didn't find the jokes that bad (I giggled at the pain train) but everything moved incredibly slow, and the VA performances were muffled and neutral.

Moreover, it was hard to get behind the parody from the get go because it was hard to see what was original about it. Let me say this (and in bold) the one thing that will keep me engaged in any abridged material I watch is the development of the creators own voice. In this - maybe you weren't confident, I'm not sure - but so much of the parody didn't feel like it was "yours". I don't mean to rip you (well, I guess I kinda do) but there's so much dead air to start off, I just clicked out because I wanted to watch your parody, not the fucking movie.

I want to give you the Golden Gate Abridged award - because holy fuck is that thing long. Unfortunately, I have to also rate this parody NOPE because I honestly couldn't finish it. But hopefully this review helps you ask a few hard questions that will help you get better if that's where your passion lies.

Thanks for putting up with me Smile

NEXT TIME: CODE GEASS ABRIDGING IN THE REBELLION BY COPLEY.

MAYBE.

I'LL ASK HIM.

AND THEN TOOLATE FOR TOOTSUN.

BYE.

Heart ~ I'LL PLAY MYSELF OUT ~ Heart
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Editor, Writer, VA
Darker than Black - Hyperabridged
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03-30-2017, 10:48 PM
Post: #50
RE: GREAT TEACHER EAGLE8BURGER
Eags, you were a part of this, and I don't think you'll ever get around to it at this rate. But I'd like your opinion my newest video. As you suggested, I made something beyond Abridgelion, and I believe it's a huge improvement.




You are what you put your time into.

My Series: https://www.youtube.com/user/Abridgelion

Skype: anax.of.rhodes
E-mail: anaxofrhodes@gmail.com (or Abridgelion@gmail.com )
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