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Fate/Zero Abridged: FEEDBACK APPRECIATED!
03-14-2016, 05:28 PM (This post was last modified: 07-19-2017 01:50 PM by AggressiveFlame.)
Post: #1
Fate/Zero Abridged: FEEDBACK APPRECIATED!
Greetings Abridged Forums,

After a large amount of work, I finally finished the first episode of my Fate/Zero Abridged Series (something I'm making in tandem with Korra Abridged). I wanted to share the finished product with you guys! I'd truly appreciate it if you left a comment expressing your genuine thoughts; what was funny, what needs work, etc.

I could really use the feedback!

Many thanks,

Aggressive




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03-16-2016, 10:19 AM
Post: #2
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: Thoughts/Criticisms Please!
Alright, since the rest of these bitches and whores don't want to chime in on the only dude to properly use the audition subforum and ask directly for criticism in the past year, I'll hop out of my self-imposed exile to do the honors.

So, I'm a visual thinker, so here's a visual aide I painstakingly created to help me express my thoughts:

[Image: FP6DOsa.png]

The top line is a visual representation of the source material you're using. I haven't seen Fate/Zero so I'm making assumptions here. The second line is yours by contrast, the third being a control group, TeamFourStar, and the fourth is PurpleEyes because he's wacky.

From that image I want you to take two things away: 1) Your parody is incredibly straight. There are a lot of times when I can't tell if you're using original dialog or not. I'm assuming you're better than that, but the point is that your expository bits are very dry and too samey to what the original seems like.
2) This video was very "thin." Compare your line to TFS'. They deviate a bit more often, but their line is also thicker. Their videos have more meat. More things for people to grab onto. More fun.

Maybe you felt like you needed to play a very straight hand to lay groundwork for what is a very complex plot in the future. That's a common complaint people have, the material doesn't give them a lot of hooks to work from, but you can still exposit and be entertaining. You just have to have fun with it. That doesn't mean that I don't think you're not enjoying yourself. It means that right now you're painting by the numbers with very little creativity. You're staying strictly within the lines and only using a dull shade of brown, and that's boring. The picture you've got is some dumb animal like an aardvark, and if you keep up like this, you'll only get an aardvark, instead of something cool like a dragon or a liger.

That's my main complaint. Your collective voice work and editing is pretty good for a first attempt. Still, for the style you're trying to pull, you don't have the chops just yet. For all of the hanging pan shots and action/epic scenes you edited in, none of them felt particularly impressive. Nobody's expecting you to pull off something that TeamFourStar or EoD can do just yet, and that'll develop with practice. You're on the right track.

Finally, here's a thread you should consult: http://www.abridgedforums.com/showthread.php?tid=1555

Pretend that it wasn't written by me and that this isn't self-fellating on my end. There's a lot of very common mistakes you're making, the biggest one being a character saying something that will be ironic later. If you want to retain any sort of tension, then spoiling the end for any member of your audience not brain-dead enough to not catch the very obvious hints you're throwing down. Having watched your video, I feel like I know more about how Fate/Zero ends than how it begins, because every character had some shit happen where they very unsubtly reference the future. Example: First dude saying "I'm going to kill you" out of nowhere. Other example: Second dude mentioning that the priest isn't going to stab him in the back. Dramatic irony is great, but you're really bad at it.

Since you specifically asked for feedback, I don't think I need to do my typical disclaimer of "I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to help," but just in case: This post isn't meant to discourage you from making more or to make you feel bad about not making the greatest thing ever. I made this post because for all I know you have some hidden potential that a bit of friendly advice could help you reach, and I want to make sure that someone here at least helps you achieve that. Keep making shit and keep learning and you'll get there.

Just stop the goddamned foreshadowing before I'm forced to find you and dropkick you in the shin.

[Image: DIkziCj.png?1]

Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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03-17-2016, 12:12 AM (This post was last modified: 03-19-2016 09:36 PM by AggressiveFlame.)
Post: #3
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: Thoughts/Criticisms Please!

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03-18-2016, 01:35 AM
Post: #4
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: Thoughts/Criticisms Please!
(03-17-2016 12:12 AM)AggressiveFlame Wrote:  3. The plot of Zero is particularly complex and trying to think of exposition to parody can be rather difficult at times

And yet I stand here before you today.

My Legend begins and ends with "Fuck You!"
Demo - Stuff I Was In - Main Channel - Fate Channel - New Website
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03-18-2016, 10:00 AM
Post: #5
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: Thoughts/Criticisms Please!
(03-18-2016 01:35 AM)Yaro Shien Wrote:  
(03-17-2016 12:12 AM)AggressiveFlame Wrote:  3. The plot of Zero is particularly complex and trying to think of exposition to parody can be rather difficult at times

And yet I stand here before you today.

Of course, you proved it's possible! I just need to be willing to be more out of the box. I was almost too scared to delve from the original source material.

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03-24-2016, 09:20 PM
Post: #6
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: Thoughts/Criticisms Please!
I liked this a lot. I feel like there is some room for improvement in the editing and a few of the voice actors did not really fit. Try getting them to show more emotion. Other then that good job! I can't wait to see a 2nd episode.
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07-13-2016, 03:39 PM (This post was last modified: 07-18-2017 11:41 AM by AggressiveFlame.)
Post: #7
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: Thoughts/Criticisms Please!
Hey everyone, just a continuation of my Fate/Zero Abridged series. Some additional feedback would be appreciated. Honesty is what I like most!

Secondly, it's much shorter than the first episode but I believe it's a slight improvement!

Thanks!



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07-17-2016, 01:42 PM
Post: #8
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: Thoughts/Criticisms Please!
A ton better mate.

Voice Actor and Editor for Believe It! Entertainment
Naruto Abridged / TWQ:Gurren Lagann Abridged
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDyy6zf...Uubv0t192w

I suck but I try not toooooooo! xD
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07-18-2017, 11:42 AM
Post: #9
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: Thoughts/Criticisms Please!
Hey everyone,

Here is my 3rd episode, curious what people think. Hopefully things have improved. Additional feedback would be MOST appreciated, YE!


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09-20-2017, 11:31 AM
Post: #10
RE: Fate/Zero Abridged: FEEDBACK APPRECIATED!


And here is another Big Grin!

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