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MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
03-20-2016, 09:10 PM (This post was last modified: 06-02-2016 11:19 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #221
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
And on Truth's comment, I have arrived.

Naruto Abridged Episode 3 by Whipmed / MorningRamen





Writing:
This was actually pretty good and allot better than most parodies. But it wasn't by any stretch great. This had some good. And some bad. Lets break it down:

Let's start off with the good stuff. One thing I have to say here is that the dialogue is pretty well written and has a nice foundation to it. It all flows pretty nicely and the characters do have even exchanges and it feels very "human" if that makes sense. Even had a few pretty good moments (IE Gato's lines were actually good, and I liked Kakashi's "Golblum conspiracy theorist" tangent.) I also liked how Sakura was actually not used as the "LOL YOUR USLESS AND A GIRL LETS BERATE YOU" gimmick so many Naruto parodies have used. And while I did see some cliches much of the time being commonplace in Naruto parodies (IE Naruto the dumbass and Sasuke the emo) they were... Executed differently and actually made for a nice surprise. I liked Sasuke's "Pfft. Old people" line after Kakkashi made refference to his "emo punk music" as it seemed to fit the characterization of Sasuke without the usual "I AM SO ANGSTY AND WILL KILL MY BROTHER! I'M A LONER" shtick. Made him feel like... An actual emo. Like one of those scene kids you'd see hanging out at your local Hot Topic. And Naruto's stupidity, while not new in the vain of these parodies, was also played differently to where his incompetence never came off as annoying or boring like it's been in many other Naruto parodies. (I wouldn't acknowledge "other Naruto parodies" this much. But there has been so many and many use the same tired material) Now to the stuff I feel needs work:

While I liked the certain moments above, allot of the other stuff didn't really stand out or get me to laugh as hard. The "Scotty" the boat guy scene didn't really do much for me, Zabuza's scenes were kinda bland and supplementary and didn't do much as far as humor goes, and until Gato showed up, the opening act was kinda basic. (Though 3rd Hokage's "Picky Peter" and "Does this look like the face of a man who's kidding" jokes at-least kept the scene lively) and much of Sakura's character didn't do much to stand out aside from the fact that she wasn't the same cliche I mentioned above. I also felt that for Sasuke being emo, his "stinky face" line could have been a bit closer to his emo characterization. With that said, there were also some scenes I felt could have been cut out due to their bland material and could have actually made the episode flow better with the tone you were going with and make more moments stand out. There's always been this saying I've had when writing parodies: If you don't have anything funny for a scene or a good joke, cut it or try to inject it with something funny or serviceable." And there are a number of scenes I felt could have used that. Or make the less funny scenes a bit shorter. And maybe try some more creative angles with your characters and scenes. Remember: You're making a parody. You don't need to abide by your source material's continuity or restrictions.

Voice Acting:
Voice acting here was pretty aces actually. I really liked how (unlike most parodies) Naruto was voiced by a girl and her performance was actually kinda similar to Maile Flanagan or even Junko Takeuchi's performances fitting the character nicely. I also loved Gato's voice and his drunken acting. He was, for me at-least, the biggest stand out. Kakashi had a nice smooth voice. As did Sasuke with his "emo bishounen" style. And everyone else did fine in their roles. It sounded well directed and all the actors had good performances and good mics. I have no real complaints or anything to note here. Just... Keep up the directing of your actors and make sure their mics keep up their quality and you'll do fine.

Editing & Mixing:
Same can also be said about the visuals for the most part. This has some really well edited and tightened up lip flaps and has a great use of the source materials animation which thankfully doesn't give it the uncanny valley styling that would throw off the comedic style this is going for. It also had some nice comedic visual gags and additions. (IE the "Picky Peter" gag and the title cards for the opening credits) The only thing I could think of is to pick up the pacing between characters dialogue and the transitions between scenes to give this a quicker exchange with it's pacing.

The mixing here is also good. Voice actors volume is all leveled and well mixed, it utilizes ambiance, background music and background noise and sound design quite well. Keep this up as well.

Overall:
If you're looking to:
(03-18-2016 04:47 AM)Whipmed Wrote:  do a Naruto Parody that doesn't go south.
then I have to say that this would be a good step in the right direction. While not the funniest around, it has the makings of something that if it improves on it's areas needing some fine tuning, it could be great. The voice acting here was really well done and well directed. The visual editing and audio design was great. If anything to work on, I'd say to maybe pick up the pacing and speed between dialogue and scene transitions as it would greatly help the pacing. The only area I'd say that needs a bit more tuning is the actual comedy in allot of spots. While like I said, the video managed to be engaging had some nice takes on the characters and had one or two funny moments through out, there were still a few of those moments where I didn't find myself laughing as hard or at all. I know that allot of parodies nowadays wanna try this whole "Be entertaining and narrative" angle like it's being it's own thing but the focus of parodies should be more to try and generate laughs with it's jokes and characters. If anything else, I recommend stopping by Spritestuff and Eagle8burger's threads for some more insight and advice. But overall, this is a good start to what I hope will be your
(03-18-2016 04:47 AM)Whipmed Wrote:  Naruto Parody that doesn't go south.

Naruto Abridged Episode 3 by Whipmed / MorningRamen gets a: 3 out of 5

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03-21-2016, 10:43 PM
Post: #222
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Yo, thanks for the review, definitely means a lot. With the people we have hopping on the next couple of episodes, I'm hoping that we're able to hit all those points you mentioned in the review. I think I learned that it's actually a lot more effective writing with a group than entirely by yourself. Anyway, super appreciate the feedback! I'll make sure not to give you a poopy mess next time! ;-)

On 7/2/16, at 12:37 AM, Charlie (Charleston) wrote:
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