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MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
05-27-2012, 12:34 AM
Post: #21
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium

I decided not to post that NAAS episode 1 redux. I'm sure I've talked to you about it. Instead, I'll show you that!
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06-13-2012, 02:33 PM (This post was last modified: 06-17-2012 11:17 AM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #22
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Wow. I have not critiqued in quite sometime. I apologize for my delays. (I was gonna critique these things before but then the big data loss happened) But before I get into my critique of Matt's episode and ssdrwho's pilot episode, (I'm doing two critiques to make up for my lack of critiques) I wanna answer some questions people have been asking me.

1. Can you review my abridged / parody thing(s)?
I made this thread on the forums for a reason. If you want critiques, just post it here and I shall review it Big Grin) Just so long is that it's your work and not the work of someone else.

2. Can I post a later episode (or episodes) of my series even though I already posted an older episode of my series here?
Of course you can! It would make a good way to show off how much you've improved since I last reviewed a previous episode of your series. Also with that said, if I am to review a new episode of your series which I have already reviewed a previous episode of, I will probably not include the background section of the critiques since it would just be redundant and repetitive if I were to give background over something I have already given background over.

Also quick note about one shots and pilot episodes without more episodes of it out, I may only offer Background in the area of the anime or show it's based on seeing as how well... It's a one shot or pilot episode.

Now to those critiques!

Baccano! Teh Abridged Series Episode 9 By Mattroks101





Background:
When it comes to Baccano, I haven't seen to much of the anime. I believe I've only seen the first few episodes or so. But from the episodes, I can tell it's a very well done anime. The story telling is unique (I get Tarantino vibe from it), animation is nice, voice acting (especially in the dub) is awesome! So overall, a pretty good title.

When it comes to this abridged version, it's a certainly interesting take on the series as a whole. I first foun d out about it when Chicknwings was holding the first ever AGPX and meet Matt after. As a whole it's pretty well done. B!TAS has had it's up and down episodes but it's time that I review this! Baccano! Teh Abridged Series Episode 9 (Season 2 Premier) by Mattroks101! Also seeing as how B!TAS has ended I can't really offer a how to improve unless it is to improve future parody.

Writting:
Now I am certainly no stranger to Matt's scripting style and with that... There's no real script! Matt's one of those on the spot improv guys. And that's actually pretty funny and works in his favor surprisingly. The wackiness within the series and randomness is pretty cool. Nothing LOL XD hilarious but pretty funny overall. The characters in this series and how they interact with one another are I think it's strong point in carrying the writing onward. There are so many to choose from and each are unique in there own ways. So I can't really complain.

Voice Acting:
Again, this is a pretty good part of your series. Your voice acting, Matt, is not the best but is pretty good. I can distinguish every character from the others which is a good thing. The only people who have similar sounding voices are probably the random extras. Legogirl11 dose a pretty good job. Nothing special but she knows what she's doing. And Ladd Russo... Postal guy.... Awesome. So no complaints again.

Editing & Mixing:
Editing in this is pretty solid. The lip flaps are pretty well done and overall production visually looks pretty nice. If anything, the visual of the video looks a tad fuzzy at some areas. Could just be me. But quality dosen't seem best. But overall, no complaints.

Mixing is alright. The sound effects are well placed and well put together and they aren't to loud. I notice that there isn't many areas of BGM. And I personally like to have a good amount of BGM in areas. As for the mixing for you, legogirl11 and the Postal guy, I notice can over power each other sometimes. Works something like this: Postal Guy< Mattroks101 < legogirl11. So if you are to do future parody projects, try to find a way to make the audio for your actors leveled out.

Overall, pretty good production.

Overall:
Baccano! Teh Abridged Series Episode 9 is pretty good. It's definitely one of your better episodes, Matt! The writing in the series though not hilarious is pretty funny. The voice acting is pretty good. And editing is well done. And aside from the little things I mentioned before, its good overall.

Baccano! Teh Abridged Series Episode 9 by Mattroks101 gets a: 3 1/2 out of 5

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06-14-2012, 11:14 PM
Post: #23
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium


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06-17-2012, 02:18 PM (This post was last modified: 06-20-2012 06:22 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #24
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
TSS Abridged Parody - Naruto Shppiden Abridged Episode 2 by TeamShippudenSquad





Background:
Naruto hasn't necessarily been one of my favorite animes. For some reason, I just have never been a big fan of it. I've always been more of the One Piece and Bleach kind of guy. It's not that I think Naruto and Naruto Shippuden are bad (note that I do actually like Shippuden a bit more even though it isn't a favorite of mine or one I keep up on) it's just not my thing.

Naruto Shippuden Abridged by CrasherSurge and TeamShippudenSquad was a project I heard about back in late January. I first heard about it when I got a Skype request from CrasherSurge. Asking me if I could look over his first episode and possibly do a future cameo in the series (though I am still waiting on when that cameo is). I thought the first episode had issues with pacing and was fandubish in some areas. But it showed potential and looked to be something that could have improved with time. Which brings us to episode 2. So with that said, lets get to critiquing.

Writing:
Like Ike I said with your previous episode, it was a quite fandubish. This one was a bit better. While nothing is LOL ensuing, there were a couple funny moments. Such as:
1. Naruto Singing Lion King was ok.
2. Kuu's offscreen character though random was pretty funny.
3. Lady Tsunade was written pretty well.
5. The Sand Village council was also written fine. As well as Garra's personality flip.
6. The ending bit with Sasori and Deidara though cheesy was funny.
As for the rest of it, it still seemed a bit fandubby. Try to be more silly like you did with the scenes I listed above. You'll find that sillyness is a pretty good route in abridging. Maybe play around with characters a bit. And try to pick up the pacing. Aside from that, writting is fine. Just stay away from the fandubishness, and try to be more humorous. And work on the pacing.

Voice Acting:
I gotta say. The voice work in this series is actually really good. Many of the VAs in this project (Such as Sydsnap, SaviorDragon, XvXBL0ODXvX, and others do verry nicley. With that said it's not quite perfect. If anything, I think the voice for Naruto and Konohamoru needs a bit of work. It seems that it needs more energy. The voices for each of them fit their characters. It just needs more energy. Try not holding back so much with it and you should be good. This is probably one of the best things going for this series.

Editing & Mixing:
Editing in this pretty decent as well. Lip flaps all seem good. Video quality is fine and so do the quality of the opening and Pikachu visual gag. Though nothing spectacular or godly, it get's the job done and it dose the job right. So I can't say much about the editing but just keep up the good work and try to improve even more overall.

As for mixing... It's also not to bad. I don't notice any mics overpowering each other which is good. No one's mic necessarily bothered me. (I noticed different ppl had different mics but that's no big deal as everyone was audible) And hey. The sfx u used were good as well. And also, you used the OST and background noise in many parts and it was fitting. Though you could have used OST in a few more areas perhaps. Like the scene where Konohamoru uses the Sexy Jutsu. I only noticed the background noise was there and didn't do much. But. What you could have done was have him transform, play the song Sexy from the Naruto OST, Jiriya's big reaction then Naruto's insult, record scratch, then Sakura punching him. That would have added much more to it. So if anything. The mixing is good. Just try to find more opportunities to use the ost and other things. But not to bad.

Overall:
This episode shows much improvement in many areas that your last episode needed improvement in, but still needs to be worked on. The voice acting is great, the video editing though nothing special is fine, mixing is alright, but the script (with the exception of a few areas) is still a bit fandubish. Overall, not to bad and keep improving.

TSS Abridged Parody - Naruto Shippuden Abridged Episode 2 by TeamShippudenSquad gets a: 3 out of 5

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06-25-2012, 01:42 AM
Post: #25
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
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07-04-2012, 04:02 AM
Post: #26
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Not Another Abridged Series Episode 4 by ssdrwho






Like I said. Since I already reviewed an episode of this series, no background shall be given. So with that, lets see how you've improved since my last critique of Episode 3.

Writing:
OK now comparing this to your previous abridgings, this is a pretty decent improvement in terms of writing. While nothing spectacular or sensational or LOL ensuing, I can see where the jokes are headed. I really liked the Death Olympics joke (I see my silliness tip came in handy :3). And a couple others were alright. I mostly grinned or smiled instead of straight facing. And pacing has improved a bit. But still nothing really giving me a laugh. And you may wanna dd some more jokes as much of it dose seem like normal conversation without any set ups, punchlines or any of that. U can still have that but it should lead to something. I have to say getting people to look over and improve and tweak your scripts was a good option. So, while you have improved compared to your previous episodes, the writing still needs some work (though not as much as previous episodes). Take your time with your scripts and be sure you get exactly what you want. Don't be afraid to be silly every now and again. And add some more jokes.

Voice Acting:
So Kouichi no longer sounds like Tristian Taylor... Good. But with that said. Much of the VA work needs work. This is probably your weakest link in your series. Much of the performances suffer from bad mics (probably can't be helped but just sayin'.) and under delivery. By that, many of the actors seem to be holding back and can't quite get the delivery right. And delivery is key in making the jokes funnier. Delivery (if done right) can make most lines and jokes really funny. So try to help your VAs out with that. As for the cameos... Still good.

Editing & Mixing:
Once again: I find no problems with your visual editing. Lip flaps all check out, video quality looks gewd, and side gags are fine. So you seem to know what your doing in terms of editing. So nice job on that account. Still lovin' the editing.

Now mixing has also taken an improvement. No one's mic (with the exception of one or 2 of them) has over powered another. I noticed the volume drop and noise filter on Kouichi's ringtone. Nice job on that. I'm still noticing a lack of bgm and sfx in many areas. U don't need to do it all up just enough to get the moments across. So maybe watch that. But not to bad. It has improved.

Overall:
You have shown quite a bit of improvement. I see the scripting has improved and isn't as big of an issue as it once was. Which is good. But I feel that scripting still needs work. Voice acting is my biggest complaint in this series at this point. Not only due to the difference in mics but due to many of the actors performances, voices and other such things. So really crack down on that next time. And I had no complaints in video editing or mixing. Just a few nitpicks. If I had to make a way to show you what needs more work over everything else and what you have good over everything else, it would look like this:

Editing & Mixing > Writing > Voice Acting.

As you can see from the above display, Editing & Mixing is your biggest strength (aside form a few nitpicks). Writing still needs a bit of work but is more your middle issue at this point. And voice acting needs the most work out of everything. Work on these and keep improving.

Not Another Abridged Series Episode 4 by ssdrwho gets: a high 2 1/2 out of 5

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07-04-2012, 07:29 AM
Post: #27
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium

now i post something in the mix XD
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07-04-2012, 09:12 AM
Post: #28
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
I know that you gave a quick review in the talkback thread, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind giving me one of your more in depth reviews as well


"Your stuff is pretty good, but it's no TeamFourStar. Be more like them!"- My supportive roommate.

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07-06-2012, 01:25 AM (This post was last modified: 06-28-2013 01:09 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #29
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Soul Eater Abridged Episode 1 By ZeroSigner / TheInsaneBadGuys





Background:
I do enjoy me some good Shonen anime from time to time. And horror anime is also pretty good. Luckily, Soul Eater has been an anime that kills those two birds with one stone. I really like Soul Eater. It's an awesome show with great action, awesome visuals, pretty cool story, and really good characters.

When it comes to abridged versions of the series, I have seen many. My favorite however would have to be SoulEaterAcademy's Soul Eater Abridged. I've also enjoyed Ezekieru's older series Soul Eater parody and TheSEATeam's Soul Eater The Abridged Series. But now we come to this one. I found out about this from ZeroSigner who I heard at the time was working on a School Days Abridged that looked to have potential and I was interested. I later became apart of this series' cast as Death The Kid but that episode isn't the one I'm reviewing right now. With that, lets begin with Episode 1 of Soul Eater Abridged by ZeroSigner & TheInsaneBadGuys.

Writing:
OK. I'm not gonna pull any punches here. The writing in this episode was pretty bad. I mean there were simply not enough jokes. It was just blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blaaahhh.... And when there were jokes they were either incredibly weak. Whether it be due to the way they were written or delivered (delivery I will get into later). Here's the thing. You can have jokes. But if they aren't written better or to their fullest extent and delivered properly, it won't have nearly the same extent as one with better writing at their 100% best with awesome delivery. And this suffers from scenes of either really weak jokes or not really any jokes at all. On top of that, the pacing is just long and drawn out with it's scenes. You gotta make the pacing go by a bit quicker man. So work on those things take your time and you'll see it progress.

Voice Acting:
Much like I said in my critique of Abridged + Vampire, this is a series with voice acting that's a bag of mixed nuts. Both good and meh and some bad voice work. I'm gonna have to review each of the actors. ZeroSigner, your performances as both Soul & Lord Death weren't really up to par. I mean for Soul, it sounded like you stumbled on a few lines and were seriously holding back big time. Hence the week delivery. On top of that he sounds like he has something stuck in his throat or is trying out for a death metal band. And your Lord Death can be a bit hard to understand at times and the voice sounds like a bad impersonation of Mickey Mouse. As for UchihanHotShot's characters, they all sounded fine. His Spirit was probably one of the top performances in the episode. Then the voice actress for Maka did well also. GRSakura was a bit meh for Blair but was passable. The extras were mixed as well. Some good some bad. Overall, you still need practice on your VA work ZSigner. Everyone else did fine. But to make it work, you all need to be doing excellent. So keep that in mind.

Editing & Mixing:
Now like I said. I understand you have other episodes. But this critique is for episode 1. And the editing in episode 1 is.... pretty bad. I mean I can see the editor understands lip flaps fine... When the characters are still and the background or something else isn't moving... And theirs no masking put in. Now, I may not be the best editor out there but the editing in this visually is not good at all either. The video quality looks poorly ripped and there are hiccups EVERYWHERE! Even the little things and especially the big things count. He seemed to have half assed it.

And the mixing? Lord. Mic volumes all over the place, hardly any BGM and that cricket background noise get's a touch annoying. Especially when it runs through some of the other parts it doesn't belong on. And speaking of BGM, there was like 2 tracks... And that was it. A Rage Against The Machine song and like one track from the Soul Eater OST. And there were barley any SFX. Why is that? There were so many places SFX were needed.

The overall production in terms of editing and mixing seemed very half assed. Whoever edited this episode, deserves a good one of these.





Again, sorry for going off the wall, it just annoys me when there are so many errors in editing (whither big or small) and things that could have been added and fixed in it.

Overall:
*Sigh* I'm not gonna lie bro. This was a pretty bad episode. I mean some of the voice acting wasn't quite up to snuff, the editing was plain hicccupy as hell, mixing and audio editing was abysmal and the writing was just either lame or had not enough impact with the jokes. I mean this dose show alto of potential with how the characters have been made but the writing needs more powerfull humor and more work. Now I do understand the other two episodes after this one are a bit better but I'm sorry. This one just wasn't quite as good.

Soul Eater Abridged Episode 1 by ZeroSigner & TheInsaneBadGuys gets a: 1 out of 5.

Pros:
? Some voice acting is pretty good.

Cons:
? Writing is in need of some serious work.
? Soul and Lord Death and Blair were very underplayed and held back allot slowing down the performance.
? Video & audio editing was abysmal.

Next Time I Review: Abridging In A Deadman Wonderland Ep 1 by TheHawk

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07-06-2012, 07:09 PM
Post: #30
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Hey I want you to review the crap out of my best work yet:
Completely unscripted and was finished in about a week. I think I'm getting the hang of things if I do say so myself Tongue

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07-06-2012, 07:43 PM
Post: #31
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Well its a start gah *smash his hand at a rock * and now my hand is broken
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07-07-2012, 03:02 PM
Post: #32
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Bleh.
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07-07-2012, 11:10 PM (This post was last modified: 11-16-2012 02:00 AM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #33
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
So I'm gonna be leaving tomorrow for a camping trip and won't be back for a week. Meaning editing won't continue till I get back. Thus I will be doing 3 critiques instead of 1! With that said, let's do it to it.

Abridging in a Deadman Wonderland Episode 1 by TheHawk:





Background:
Deadman Wonderland has always been a cool show. I like the action and animation as well as the dark grittiness. The characters and story is also pretty good and keep me wanting more. And I could be in a minority when I say this, but I always pictured this as Japan's take on Superjail. (If you haven't seen the show Superjail or Deadman Wonderland, give me both a watch and you'll see what I mean).

Now when it comes to abridged versions of it... I've only seen Ezekieru's One Shot In a Day thing he did a while back. Now for this version, I heard about it from TheHawk earlier on Skype then got here to the forums. And I'm here now to give it a a more in depth look.

Writing:
The writing wasn't to bad in this. There were a couple good jokes here and there and some that were a tad meh and some scenes which didn't have much in the joke department. The "We Like Being Alive Joke" I thought was good but could have been better if it was delivered with better direction and if Matt and the girl's voice would have went together better. In fact, many of the jokes had not as good delivery causing them not to have as big of an impact. I also liked the candy joke. Very nice. But some of the jokes could have come out better if delivery had a tad bit more of a punch. And the jokes didn't really have the LOL Factor if you know what I mean. Also pacing wasn't to bad. Maybe a couple scenes went on long but it's excusable. But not to bad in the writing overall.

Voice Acting:
The voice acting in this was pretty good in this. I liked how all the voices fit the characters quite well. Hawk, your voice for Ganta was good but could have definitely used a touch more energy. Especially in the end. The dialogue he had before he protected Shiro needed way better delivery and sounded like you were holding back. Your voice for the Tamaki and the extras was fine as well but again delivery and energy could have been better. IceWolf had good voice work but her voice for Shiro was tad quiet. And Mattroks and SpiritKitten did there roles quite well. I think what the voice acting needs is more energy and better delivery. Maybe try helping your VA's towards better delivery could help improve this projects work quite well.

Editing & Mixing:
I gotta say, I really enjoyed the editing in this. The lip flaps were good, video quality was great and overall visual presentation was good. I didn't see any hiccups on my end. So nice job for that.

In terms of mixing, it was also really good. No mic overpowered another, there was good use of BGM and SFX which is good. The only nitpick I could say is the difference in microphones. But it can be looked over. So not to bad.

Overall:
This project has quite allot of potential. I mean the writing isn't to bad (while not hilarious or ROFLMAO causing) and well paced, the voice work aside from delivery fixes is pretty good and editing and mixing is fine as well. Of your work's on the forums Hawk, this one is by far your best. I see this improving with time and it's future dose look bright. Just take my tips and those of others and this project will do just fine.

Abridging in a Deadman Wonderland Episode 1 by TheHawk Gets A: 3 1/2 out of 5.

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07-08-2012, 12:26 AM (This post was last modified: 07-08-2012 12:27 AM by TheHawk.)
Post: #34
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
[quote='MrSkoringo' pid='12474' dateline='1341720657']
So I'm gonna be leaving tomorrow for a camping trip and won't be back for a week. Meaning editing won't continue till I get back. Thus I will be doing 3 critiques instead of 1! With that said, let's do it to it.

Abridging in a Deadman Wonderland Episode 1 by TheHawk:





Background:
Deadman Wonderland has always been a cool show. I like the action and animation as well as the dark grittiness. The characters and story is also pretty good and keep me wanting more. And I could be in a minority when I say this, but I always pictured this as Japan's take on Superjail. (If you haven't seen the show Superjail or Deadman Wonderland, give me both a watch and you'll see what I mean).
[/quote]

I agree that it is an awesome show. I felt that the crazy plot would be fun to play with in an abridged series.


[quote='MrSkoringo' pid='12474' dateline='1341720657']

Writing:
The writing wasn't to bad in this. There were a couple good jokes here and there and some that were a tad meh and some scenes which didn't have much in the joke department. The "We Like Being Alive Joke" I thought was good but could have been better if it was delivered with better direction and if Matt and the girl's voice would have went together better. In fact, many of the jokes had not as good delivery causing them not to have as big of an impact. I also liked the candy joke. Very nice. But some of the jokes could have come out better if delivery had a tad bit more of a punch. And the jokes didn't really have the LOL Factor if you know what I mean. Also pacing wasn't to bad. Maybe a couple scenes went on long but it's excusable. But not to bad in the writing overall.
[/quote]

I really dropped the ball on the voice direction this time. That much has become apparent to me. I hate that my poor direction may have caused the jokes to not have been as well received as they could have been.

[quote='MrSkoringo' pid='12474' dateline='1341720657']

Voice Acting:
The voice acting in this was pretty good in this. I liked how all the voices fit the characters quite well. Hawk, your voice for Ganta was good but could have definitely used a touch more energy. Especially in the end. The dialogue he had before he protected Shiro needed way better delivery and sounded like you were holding back. Your voice for the Tamaki and the extras was fine as well but again delivery and energy could have been better. IceWolf had good voice work but her voice for Shiro was tad quiet. And Mattroks and SpiritKitten did there roles quite well. I think what the voice acting needs is more energy and better delivery. Maybe try helping your VA's towards better delivery could help improve this projects work quite well.
[/quote]

I honestly have a hard time sustaining the Ganta voice. I had to record over multiple days because my throat would give out. Tamaki is my favorite character I voice in anything atm. I really have fun with him.

I think Icewolf is probably as inexperienced a VA as I am. I may be mistaken though. I am hoping that both of us will improve in time.

I'm also still trying to learn how to direct others. I sometimes have a hard time getting my intentions towards a character across.

[quote='MrSkoringo' pid='12474' dateline='1341720657']

Editing & Mixing:
I gotta say, I really enjoyed the editing in this. The lip flaps were good, video quality was great and overall visual presentation was good. I didn't see any hiccups on my end. So nice job for that.

In terms of mixing, it was also really good. No mic overpowered another, there was good use of BGM and SFX which is good. The only nitpick I could say is the difference in microphones. But it can be looked over. So not to bad.
[/quote]

I've said this before, editing this video was a joy. It was unbelievably refreshing to use modern animation for something. It is so nice to have footage straight from a blu ray compared to 60's animation that feels impossible to work with. I also enjoy working with the original soundtrack.

My favorite joke in the video is probably the one where Makina and Tamaki are sitting together with the awkward upbeat music playing. The original song was a brooding techno thing I think. I took an upbeat song from later in the show and used it.

[quote='MrSkoringo' pid='12474' dateline='1341720657']

Overall:
This project has quite allot of potential. I mean the writing isn't to bad (while not hilarious or ROFLMAO causing) and well paced, the voice work aside from delivery fixes is pretty good and editing and mixing is fine as well. Of your work's on the forums Hawk, this one is by far your best. I see this improving with time and it's future dose look bright. Just take my tips and those of others and this project will do just fine.

Abridging in a Deadman Wonderland Episode 1 by TheHawk Gets A: 3 1/2 out of 5.

Pros:

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12-27-2012, 02:39 AM
Post: #35
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
As promised



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01-12-2013, 02:52 PM
Post: #36
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Ah yes! Sorry for the delay. Been battling the common cold and congestion. But I suppose I have some time to do another one of my critiques. Also, since I have been gone from critiquing for so long, my tastes and standards have changed a bit so be ready. >:-3
With that said onto the newest review!

Inuyasha WTF AbridgeMENT 6 by ArkaKun





Much like SSDRWho, I have already given background on your previous review I did for you a while back. So no need for redundancy I say.

Writing:
Now, Arka. In my personal opinion, your Episodes 3 and Episode 4 were your best episodes. But seeing as how I'm critiquing Episode 6, I will give my opinion on that episode!

Overall, the jokes (from what I could make out as jokes) were alright. I liked the opening bit with Kagome, Inuyasha and Miyoga at the swimming whole area. A few of the one guy who wants to save the girl was ok. Everything else though was just very meh for me. It all either seemed unnecessary or just... random and strange. I mean I know your going for a PurpleEyes-esque style and I could tell you were trying to put some story in their (I mean all MENTers do need somewhat of a plot in which to tell a story. Trust me! Watch Code MENT or another MENT series carefully and pay attention! They do make sense at one pint or another) but overall... I don't think the writing in this one was your best. But it certainly wasn't your worst!

Voice Acting:
Not gonna discuss much here since it was just you and Matt.

First off, your performances as your characters were alright. I can actually tell the different characters apart from each other for the most part. My main concern is the annunciation and being able to understand allot of em. I mean for quite a few lines, Kagome and Inuyasaha were pretty hard to understand. Some of there lines were just so fast and done with such fast speed and delivery, it was hard to understand and take it in. That was another thing. The delivery made allot the jokes flop and not really sail. I''ll talk about the pacing and speed later in the editing & mixing portion of this review.

As for Matt as Miyoga, he did fine.... That's all I really got for this.

Editing & Mixing:
Now for the editing, this had the bare bones of it all. Lip flaps some sound effects, some text occasionally. Nothing to special. With that said, the lip flaps were sometimes so fast, they didn't seem to match up allot of the time. I mean don't get me wrong, there were times where the lip flaps did match, but there were also a few times where it didn't. As for the pacing, it all seemed to fast. Slow down a little bit. I know your once again going for MENT style speed. But this is even to fast for that. It feels that any faster, all the lines would run together and be incomprehensible. That's of course a hypothetical of what it would feel like if any faster. Just slow it down a bit more to where your audience can take in the jokes. I mean, I get allot of folks like a faster pace, I enjoy a pace that's good. Not to fast or slow. So watch the pacing for future episodes. My other problem with that is (and I'm bringing back Eze's term in one of his earlier posts) it seems to suffer from "The Uncanny Valley Effect". Which I think Matt started a post on. With your lip flaps, they go so fast, they don't seem human or natural. It makes this series like an abridged slide show almost... Granted, with some motion

Not much to say about the mixing here. I mean, the sound effects and volumes for the actors seemed there, leveled and consistent. The background music (for the little bit there was) seemed at a good volume. Not much ambiance though. Perhaps a bit here and there when it's needed. Perhaps some more sound effects in areas which could use it.

Overall:
While this certainly isn't your worst episode, I have seen better episodes on your end. I feel that this probably one of your more mid-tier episodes. Not really exquisite but also not bad. I had very meh feelings towards this one. I mean a couple jokes at the start worked, half of the lip flap sets seemed fine. But overall, I think you can do much better Arka. Keep on rockin'!

Inuyasha WTF AbridgeMENT 6 by ArkaKun gets a: 3 out of 5


Pros:
? Voices all had differentiation and range was shown.
? Some jokes at the start got a laugh or two from me.
? Editing on half of it seemed good.

Cons:
? Not much mixing
? Some sections of lip flaps seem to fast and almost unnatural.
? The other half of jokes didn't quite fly due to delivery and speedy fast annunciation.

Now give me some more stuff to review!

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01-12-2013, 05:35 PM
Post: #37
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
(01-12-2013 02:52 PM)MrSkoringo Wrote:  The other half of jokes didn't quite fly due to delivery and speedy fast annunciation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annunciation
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01541c.htm

I had no idea that Arka's voice ascended to heaven.

Thanks for all the good times.
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01-12-2013, 07:38 PM
Post: #38
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
(01-12-2013 05:35 PM)mattroks101 Wrote:  
(01-12-2013 02:52 PM)MrSkoringo Wrote:  The other half of jokes didn't quite fly due to delivery and speedy fast annunciation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annunciation
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01541c.htm

I had no idea that Arka's voice ascended to heaven.

no no no matt. He couldn't handle the news that Arka was delivering to him that he was pregnant with the son of God. Skoringo, you will give birth to the second coming of Jesus. Congratulations.

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01-18-2013, 06:48 PM
Post: #39
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
What the hell, let's chuck my favourite episode out here and see what happens.




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01-23-2013, 05:02 PM (This post was last modified: 01-23-2013 05:04 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #40
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
One Piece Abridged Episode 23 by Uraby210Incorperated





Background:
One Piece has been one of my all time favorite anime series since I was but a young boy in grade school who just found out about Shonen Jump and all the manga I could read. One Piece was for sure one of the first manga I got into at a young age and has since, been a favorite of mine. The anime no different. The characters are all lovable, Toei's animation brings all the piraty devil fruiting sea sailing adventures to life, the music is enchanting, writing is good... Oh! It's sublime! It's goooooooooood. As you can tell I fucking love One Piece.

But enough of my love for the original, what about my views on abridged versions? Well... There's allot of em. The only one regarded as a success by a large audience is PurpleEyesWTF's None Piece which takes the series in a more MENT / random / holyshitehrmehgerd direction. And many people say there has yet to be a good "traditional abridged" of it. I have seen a few which have potential to be "good traditional abridged" versions. This version being one of them. But since this one is on topic, I will say I first found out about it through the TFS Forums years ago when it began and I was just beginning abridging. I thought it was pretty good. But what about this one specifically? Lets take a look.

Writing:
When it comes to writing and jokes in this episode, it's a bit hit and miss for me. I like the scenes with Sanji's prank call to Crocodile to spark the entrance of the next arc, some of the things said with the good and bad Sanji made me chuckle, Zoro for once saying something right was pretty cool (please note I like Zoro's shtick) , some of the Poke-Banter between Uusop and the duck was alright, the tea scene for me was funny, and as much as I don't enjoy fart jokes often, the Uusop's special burritos joke did give me a chuckle. But the rest of the jokes were either meh or ugh. The Frog Jesus joke while a funny concept could have been written better, the joke about Team Nankama seemed a bit lazy and obscure (I got the joke but eh...), some of the fourth wall humor could have been better, I didn't like the narrator thing at the end that much, and the LK screw the rules joke seemed amateur (Im not one for joke stealing). And some of the scenes with Mr. 5, Mr. 3 and the arc villains wasn't all that funny much of the time. It's kinda weird this series. It has a Ying-Yang effect with it's writing. Half the time I'm laughing and half the time I'm like meh or ugh. Kinda bizarre. I suggest just keep trying to get more of those lulzy jokes (smart humor or silly humor) to help your audience laugh more. The only other thing I would say is allot of the scenes went on for a bit long... But I'll get into length and pacing later in my review.

Voice Acting:
Now, this is probably the biggest fault of the episode for me. Many of the actors and their performances were very bland and under delivered. Allot of em seemed to lack direction and delivery to help carry allot of the jokes and dialogue through the episode to make it enjoyable. The voices I found the best however were for Sanji, Mr. 3, Mr. 5, Carue, and Luffy (sometimes). I mean allot of the voices done for the characters (and their gimmicks) do fit their given characters. But many lack energy and delivery allot of the time. Perhaps direct em a bit better so you can get that energy and get the lines exactly how you want em.

Editing & Mixing:
So when it comes to the basics of editing (IE Lip flaps, masking, etc), you do seem to have it down pretty well. My problem with some of the editing allot is with the visual gags. Many of them seem to be a bit dodgy at times. IE Frog Jesus, the halo and devil tail of the two Sanjis. So perhaps try cleaning em up a bit and make em look a bit better and cleaner is all I can really say. MY other problem with editing (this being the bigger of the problems) is the length. Much of the length and pacing makes it very slow and kind of a video where at some points I was saying:





So pacing and lenth are another issue.

And now for the mixing which I found to be another fault this series has. Allow me to elaborate. Much of the volume leveling seems off putting at times. Sometimes the mics are too quiet and some are louder than others. So try to work with leveling as best you can. There's also the matter of the lack of BGM. I was told by FFF (FoulFangedFeind) you were once criticized for overuse of BGM by others. But I enjoy hearing background music as it helps set the mood of the scene and be used to help it move smoother. Now you did use ambiance for the majority of the episode but at times it didn't help move the scenes that much smoother. Sometimes it did and others it didn't. When you used BGM it was used nicely. But again the leveling between that and the ambiance was overpowering. Again, something to work on with leveling. Perhaps watch the original source footage and listen to how the levels between bgm and ambiance go together and get that as best as you can. As for sound effects, I noticed a lack of it in many parts of the episode (IE Mr. 3's Wax attack, some running or stepping effects could have been put in for the characters movements, etc.) and it was taken over by the ambiance. If you need sound effects, I have many and would be more than happy to hook you up with my sfx packs to help that situation out.

Overall:
I do still enjoy this series. I mean there are a few faults with it (the meh and ugh jokes, much of the voice acting, some parts of the technical side) but I can for sure say this is one of the better One Piece Abridges around. And the fact you are the longest reigning One Piece Abridged around is an achievement given many One Piece Abridged Series' track records of how they stop after a few episodes. As for the score I really wanna give this a high score but there are the few things holding it back where I can not. I understand this is your best (And through watching it I can agree actually) and I do wanna give this one of the higher scores but for now, I am gonna give it this.

One Piece Abridged Episode 23 by Uraby210Incorperated gets a: high 3 1/2 out of 5 out of 5

Pros:
? Many of the jokes and dialogue made me laugh.
? Editing (IE lipflaps and such) seemed tip top shape.
? Voices for each characters were fitting.

Cons:
? Visual gags and sound mixing seemed dodgy.
? The length and pacing are a problem.
? Much of the voice acting suffered from performances of under delivery and week voice acting.

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