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MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
01-27-2013, 05:06 AM
Post: #41
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Hello, first time on the forums. If you would be so kind as to look at my most recent episode, I would greatly appreciate it.

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01-28-2013, 03:45 AM (This post was last modified: 01-28-2013 03:57 AM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #42
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Bleached: An Abridgement 8 by TheDarkTRex

Background:
When it comes to Bleach, it is perhaps my least favorite of Japan's "The Big Three." I mean don't get me wrong. I think it's a decent show and all but it's a prime example of "too much of a good thing." I lost my interest with it after the Arrancar Arc because I honestly thought they could have easily ended it at the Arrancar Arc. I mean think about it! They defeat the Ararancars, Aizen is forever imprisoned and never able to escape, Ichigo sacrifices his Soul Reaper powers to make it all happen. The End. But nope! Tite Kubo had to keep milking this cash cow with the power of Deus Ex Machinas, more arcs that show no real signs of ending and just more and more Bleach. A bad move in my opinion, but whatever gets the money I guess.

When it comes to abridged versions, much like One Piece and Naruto (also part of The Big Three), there are many and I have seen many. Some good, some bad, some OK, some meh. The ones I have found most enjoyment in watching would have to be: Omni Bleach Abridged by Omnibeneficial, Bleach MENT by ThroneofCipher, Bleaching In The Name Of by Ranmarotto, Getsugabridged's Bleach Abridged, Bleachers by Sehanort, Khenpoe's Bleach Abridged, and Bleach THE ABRIDGED SERIES by MyToasterisReatarded (AKA ReL). When it comes to this version, I haven't heard of it or seen it till now. But, I shall review it.

Writing:
Allot of the jokes and dialogue in this episode were very amateur and overall bland. I really didn't laugh at any point of this video. The characters in this episode seemed very lifeless and felt like they had no characterization put into them with the exception of Kon and he was kinda blandish too. Many of the jokes here seemed either predictable, bland or unfunny. I can tell where you were going with the jokes and I have seen this part of Bleach before so I knew what was going on. It's just that allot of this was kinda bleh for my taste. My suggestion would be to either get a co-scripter (preferably one who has had experience with abridging and such) and / or too maybe get the comedic juices flowing by watching or listening to funny things before scripting. IE Sitcoms, podcasts, stand up shows, funny television / movies, etc. But overall, the comedy in this episode was very bland and not very funny. Also, your abridging Bleach. A show which has been abridged by nearly everyone and their Uncle Joe. So try to take some risks and really make yours stand out about the rest.

Voice Acting:
For the voice acting, all the characters did sound different enough to where I could tell who they were and that's good given the small cast in this episode. With that said my problems with the voice acting were the performances and mic quality / consistency of the other actors. I mean when it comes to the performances, many of the lines felt under delivered and blandly done. Much of the performances didn't feel believable and that's a problem. Mainly because with abridging (or any voice acting project), you want your audience to be convinced by your actors and actresses performances as it will help carry your jokes further. My tip for this would be to perhaps get help with voice acting either from learning from veteran amateur VAs on YouTube or the VAA, read up on improving (I suggest "Voice Over Voice Actor by Yuri Lowenthall and Tara Platt... Seriously anyone considering going pro or wanting to improve their voice acting skills should check this book out and read all of it! It's like a bible for Voice Actors), take some classes or workshops for voice acting to better hone and improve your voice acting. Your other VAs should do the same. And as director for the project, you should also try learning direction to help direct your actors so that they can get you the exact delivery and such on the lines to help carry your dialogue and jokes better through the episode. As for the problem with the quality / consistency, I was able to tell all 3 actors were each using different mics which made it a tad jarring to listen too. My biggest complaint is with Kon's mic, it was far to muffly and was hard to understand at times. With the female VA, it had puffing problems, echoey problems and sometimes too close to the mic problems. For this, I would say for Kon's actor, he needs a new mic. It doesn't have to be anything special, just something so I can understand him. The female VA might just need to find out how to fix hers up technically. As for all 3, they need mics which can give off a similar sound to help immersion of the scenes being conveyed with the characters. They all don't need the same mic, just mics to where they have consistency with the cast.

Editing & Mixing:
My first problem is with the quality of the video. It's a tad fuzzy and it seems to be from the Adult Swim TV rips. I would suggest looking for the DVDs at any retailer or DVD rips to help improve the quality and help with that. I mean you did say "Support the official release" at the begging disclaimer Tongue My other problem is that the editing at times is inconsistent. At one half of the video, it does the whole loop the audio to match the lip flaps. While the other half has lip flaps. I can tell your putting em in but they aren't all that good. They seem very still and kinda glitchy and they don't always match up with the dialogue. For this, I suggest checking out a few tutorials on lip flapping around YouTube and the net posted by abridgers. Or the Lip Flap help area here on the Forums. Practice makes perfect so make sure to practice as well. The few visual gags were OK I guess but they seemed kinda pointless. The opening (while somewhat fitting) was a bit bland sauce.

As for the mixing, it was all over the place. With the leveling between the 3 mics not matching up, some sfx being loud, some missing in areas, no ambiance, this also needs allot of work as well. I know all this sounds like a pain in the ass. But know I'm simply giving you what I learned from my fellow abridgers and other projects I am in. The mixing need s lots of work. I would perhaps also post your episode in one or both of Ezekieru's threads to help gain better understanding as well as ask more advanced editors.

Overall:
While you presently have 8 episodes of this series up and running, this needs some severe improvements in all of its areas. The writing, humor and dialogue needs a serious transplant of funny, the voice acting needs help in the acting and quality portions of the shows, and the editing and mixing needs vast improvement to make it a more watchable and enjoyable experience. And like I said earlier: "Also, your abridging Bleach. A show which has been abridged by nearly everyone and their Uncle Joe. So try to take some risks and really make yours stand out about the rest." Take the tips and such I have passed down to you through this critique (as well as maybe get word from the other critique threads) and I'm sure you will improve over time. But for this one, it just didn't quite cut it for me.

Bleached An Abridgement 8 by TheDarkTrex gets a: 1 out of 5.

Pros:
? Vocal range is prominent with all 3 actors

Cons:
? Acting is void of delivery and believable performances. Some mic qualities are bad / inconsistent with one another.
? Editing and mixing both need severe improvement.
? Writing is bland, unfunny and doesn't have much to be desired.

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01-28-2013, 11:51 AM
Post: #43
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Skoringo, teach me the ways of teh funny

Thanks for all the good times.
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01-30-2013, 03:56 PM (This post was last modified: 01-30-2013 03:59 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #44
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Electric Anime Batman Episode 3 by Mattroks101





Background:
Now I've only seen a little bit of the Darker Than Black anime but I will say from what I've seen it is pretty enjoyable. I like the whole superpowers, villains, citizens and cops and such under a city filled with crime. Tis a nice change of pace for actiony series to take. So I may watch more.

As for abridged versions, this one by Mattroks which I am reviewing and Xcaliborg's Darker Than Buttcrack are the only two which I'm familiar with and both are fairly enjoyable due to each of them taking their own approach to the series. I found out about this one when Matt told me he was working on a secret project and I was apparently the first one to get word of it. I found his first episode to be enjoyable and that I liked it allot. His 2nd episode well... It was kinda disappointing to say the least. But now onto his 3rd episode.

Writing:
The writing here had some genuinely enjoyable and funny moments. The discussion with Hei and his boss at the beginning was pretty good, the scene with the cops outside the playground was pretty funny, and the rant about the girl being a "contractor". Everything else was kind bland for my tastes. So you got comedy down for the most part but there are still those few scenes that are a bit bland for me. Luckily no groaners or face-palm worthy jokes. So overall, not bad but still in need of some work.

Voice Acting:
Now I know how you roll with internet parodies. For the most part, your a 1 man band. Very rare to see that now a days in the abridged world. Whats even rarer is that it works for people. And for you Matt, it kinda does. I mean you do show differentiation in your voice acting meaning I was able to tell who was who, the acting felt very uninspired and underacted some of the time however. I felt that many of the performances could have been better in terms of acting or delivery. And though you do have a good range, a few of the voices (IE the two girls) did sound very similar. My tip for this would be to perhaps get maybe a cameo or two in the future episodes and just keep working on your delivery and acting for each line, and keep working on building your range as best you can.

Editing & Mixing:
Now I know your no stranger to editing, Matt. And from the editing in this, it was pretty good. You had well placed sound effects, the lip flaps were overall well put together. Scenes were paced fine too. So overall... The editing was fine.

The mixing while nothing special had the stuff. Nothing overpowered anything and that's good. Though I feel perhaps some more ambiance and sfx and bgm would really benefit this parody as well as future parodies. As much of it felt kinda bland and dead. You got the jokes and such. It just needs to be able to immerse me (and your audience) into the experience. So adding bgm, maybe some more sfx and ambiance at many areas would make it better.

Overall:
This project is in a very good direction if I do say so myself. I mean there are some good rounds of dialogue amongst the characters with a few gems of funny, most of the characters do sound different (per the exception of a select few voices), and the editing is overall in tact. My only real problems are with there not being any ambiance, bgm, or additional sfx in some areas as that (for me at-least), some of the voices do sound kinda the same, and there are still those few meh-ish scenes. For each element, take the tips above and I'm sure you will learn "the ways of teh funny", Matt.

Electric Anime Batman Episode 3 by Mattroks101 gets a: 3 out of 5

Pros:
? Vocal Range is good for most of the characters
? Editing seems fine
? Funny moments here and there give this project a good direction

Cons:
? Needs bgm, more sfx and ambiance to help make a more enticing experience.
? There are still a few meh / bland moments
? Some voices do sound the same or quite similar

Looks like I'm running out of colors to make the titles of these reviews with! ;w;

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02-08-2013, 10:28 PM
Post: #45
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium

Maybe you could critic this if u want... :3
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02-09-2013, 03:16 PM
Post: #46
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Not Another Abridged Series Episode 6 by ssdrwho





First of all, glad to see your back in the abridging game after the you took that absence a bit ago. Now lets see how you've improved from the last time. Much like last time

Writing:
Now from what I remember as I watched more and more of your episodes, they got progressively better in terms of writing... slowly. With this, I still feel it's getting better but a bit quicker. There were a few scenes that if they did not make me chuckle, I at least found myself smiling. (IE The exchange between Kouichi and Mei at the library, the old people at the end of the episode) But this also had allot of very meh and weak scenes. Like I can tell your aiming to make jokes in dialogue based humor among other things, but the problem is that many of the jokes are very bland or very weak. (IE Death Olympics was kinda weak this time around, the stuff with the old man and the library was a bit meh for me and the rest of the seems seemed a bit bland) That or they have a payoff / end result which doesn't seem to go anywhere and is... Just kinda there and didn't make much sense. Seriously, some of the scenes weren't given much preference for me to able to tell what was going on. But I feel your slowly getting better. It's just gonna take time. My tip would be to perhaps study dialogue driven humor (or humor and comedy in general) by watching different sitcoms, shows, comedian performances, etc. or abridged series which have true gusto in comedy (IE Ezekieru, MidnightFrogs / TeamBuldgeBomb, YamatoSFX, TruthorDeal, to name a few) and try to work on making your jokes stronger. You have jokes, they're just weak.

Voice Acting:
Now from what I remember in previous episodes, the voice acting wasn't all that good... However I see that improving here as well. Aside from his echoey mic (it may just be a placement, room or recording software thing. You gotta ask him about that. Maybe find out what mic he has and work together to find out how to make the mic a bit less echoey.) Mgoosh has been ever improving with his voice acting as his voices for Mei and Kouich (and the old man) while certainly not the best performances I have heard from amateur VAs, his performances as both are improving. Mattroks playing the old people was funny and as the Death Olympic guy was alright, Sydsnap as Kouichi's Aunt did good for the few lines she had. And Xcaliborg did fine as Mei's Mom??? Is that who he was playing? Anyways, the voice acting has shown improvement compared to previous episodes and that's a good thing. Just keep working at it and it will get better and better! =3

Editing & Mixing:
Like I said in previous reviews of your episodes, I have no real issue with your editing. Sometimes it can go into the uncanny valley effect but overall.... No issues with visual editing... I dunno what else to say. You sometimes have visual gags put in there for lols in your previous ones and aside from the death Olympics thing which seemed fine it was all good but in this one... No complaints as everything seemed consistent and what not... So yeah.

As for the mixing (again I'm not having much to work with here seeing as how there wasn't much going on), the background music was a bit to loud in many areas (The scene at the beginning after the opening, the last scene with Kouichi, his aunt and grandparents and a couple others) allot of em had background music that was to loud. It made much of the dialogue in scenes hard to hear. So make sure to check your volume leveling. Nothing objectionable with the characters volume. Everything seemed fine there. But again... Not much here else to say'

Overall:
This series is one I find that's improving quite a bit as it progresses, but it's improving at a bit of a slow rate. My advice I can give you for this episode would be to make sure your jokes are hard hitting and with better funnier punchlines, make sure that your able to have your audience know whats going on, maybe check with Mgoosh on his mic and see what you guys can do technically to fix that small problem, and work on volume leveling for your background music... Aside from that like I said, you are improving.

Not Another Abridged Series Episode 6 by ssdrwho gets a: 2 1/2 out of 5

Pros:
? Voice acting is improving
? Editing is still fine
? Writing is slowly improving

Cons:
? Still has many lackluster and meh moments when attempting comedy
? Background music in many scenes is to loud making characters hard to hear.
? Mgoosh's mic is very echoey.

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02-09-2013, 04:22 PM
Post: #47
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Do me... then review this.
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02-09-2013, 06:17 PM
Post: #48
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
(02-09-2013 03:16 PM)MrSkoringo Wrote:  Not Another Abridged Series Episode 6 by ssdrwho





First of all, glad to see your back in the abridging game after the you took that absence a bit ago. Now lets see how you've improved from the last time. Much like last time

Writing:
Now from what I remember as I watched more and more of your episodes, they got progressively better in terms of writing... slowly. With this, I still feel it's getting better but a bit quicker. There were a few scenes that if they did not make me chuckle, I at least found myself smiling. (IE The exchange between Kouichi and Mei at the library, the old people at the end of the episode) But this also had allot of very meh and weak scenes. Like I can tell your aiming to make jokes in dialogue based humor among other things, but the problem is that many of the jokes are very bland or very weak. (IE Death Olympics was kinda weak this time around, the stuff with the old man and the library was a bit meh for me and the rest of the seems seemed a bit bland) That or they have a payoff / end result which doesn't seem to go anywhere and is... Just kinda there and didn't make much sense. Seriously, some of the scenes weren't given much preference for me to able to tell what was going on. But I feel your slowly getting better. It's just gonna take time. My tip would be to perhaps study dialogue driven humor (or humor and comedy in general) by watching different sitcoms, shows, comedian performances, etc. or abridged series which have true gusto in comedy (IE Ezekieru, MidnightFrogs / TeamBuldgeBomb, YamatoSFX, TruthorDeal, to name a few) and try to work on making your jokes stronger. You have jokes, they're just weak.

Voice Acting:
Now from what I remember in previous episodes, the voice acting wasn't all that good... However I see that improving here as well. Aside from his echoey mic (it may just be a placement, room or recording software thing. You gotta ask him about that. Maybe find out what mic he has and work together to find out how to make the mic a bit less echoey.) Mgoosh has been ever improving with his voice acting as his voices for Mei and Kouich (and the old man) while certainly not the best performances I have heard from amateur VAs, his performances as both are improving. Mattroks playing the old people was funny and as the Death Olympic guy was alright, Sydsnap as Kouichi's Aunt did good for the few lines she had. And Xcaliborg did fine as Mei's Mom??? Is that who he was playing? Anyways, the voice acting has shown improvement compared to previous episodes and that's a good thing. Just keep working at it and it will get better and better! =3

Editing & Mixing:
Like I said in previous reviews of your episodes, I have no real issue with your editing. Sometimes it can go into the uncanny valley effect but overall.... No issues with visual editing... I dunno what else to say. You sometimes have visual gags put in there for lols in your previous ones and aside from the death Olympics thing which seemed fine it was all good but in this one... No complaints as everything seemed consistent and what not... So yeah.

As for the mixing (again I'm not having much to work with here seeing as how there wasn't much going on), the background music was a bit to loud in many areas (The scene at the beginning after the opening, the last scene with Kouichi, his aunt and grandparents and a couple others) allot of em had background music that was to loud. It made much of the dialogue in scenes hard to hear. So make sure to check your volume leveling. Nothing objectionable with the characters volume. Everything seemed fine there. But again... Not much here else to say'

Overall:
This series is one I find that's improving quite a bit as it progresses, but it's improving at a bit of a slow rate. My advice I can give you for this episode would be to make sure your jokes are hard hitting and with better funnier punchlines, make sure that your able to have your audience know whats going on, maybe check with Mgoosh on his mic and see what you guys can do technically to fix that small problem, and work on volume leveling for your background music... Aside from that like I said, you are improving.

Not Another Abridged Series Episode 6 by ssdrwho gets a: 2 1/2 out of 5

Pros:
? Voice acting is improving
? Editing is still fine
? Writing is slowly improving

Cons:
? Still has many lackluster and meh moments when attempting comedy
? Background music in many scenes is to loud making characters hard to hear.
? Mgoosh's mic is very echoey.

About Mgoosh's mic, he actually lost is good mic. Since it was going for a bit too long, he used the laptop mic for a last ditch effort. Other than that, at least I'm glad that one VA's improving.
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02-23-2013, 11:11 PM (This post was last modified: 02-23-2013 11:11 PM by ssdrwh0.)
Post: #49
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Now this time, try criticising this with u involved Tongue

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02-24-2013, 04:25 AM
Post: #50
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
I might as well throw my hat in the ring.


Episode 1 tends to be more popular, while Episode 3 tends to get the least laughs *shrug* (even though I'm decently satisfied with my editing in 3). Episode 2 is a favorite for the group, so that's why I'm posting this instead of 1 or 3.
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03-06-2013, 06:02 PM (This post was last modified: 09-14-2013 11:59 AM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #51
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Air Abridged Episode 1 Re-Edit by SoDA





Background:
Air is an anime I have yet to finish. But I do plan on finishing it. And for good reason. The animation beautiful, characters are engaging and diverse, wonderful ost, moving story and is a treat to watch. No surprise considering it is from Key Studios. The same people who brought us Angel Beats and Clannad.

When it comes to abridgings and parodies of shows from Key Studios, many of them are not that good. Many suffer from lackluster editing, mediocre to bad voice acting, and bad writing. This is not the case with Air Abridged. I first found this series when I was first getting into abridging through a friend of mine. And I have enjoyed it for quite sometime. The episodes I noticed got better each time as it continued and it's style unique. Now we come to this re-edit of it's first episode and my thoughts on it.

Writing:
When I watched this, I found that much of it was jokes from your original first episode per the exception of a few new ones. I liked the opening scene with "My Child" and the Narrator, some of the scenes with Misuzu and Yukito were allright (while others weren't as good), the stuff with Potato and his shtick were fine, the scene with Yukito and Kano was pretty good and last scene with the seagulls was funny. The rest of it wasn't all that good. Or just seemed unnecessary. I also feel the exchanges could be a bit stronger. The visual gags and jokes were also fun and occasionally made me laugh. So some scenes were meh, others were fun. But my main complaint is that none of the characters really have any "character" behind them. Characterization is key in abrdiging and parody and this series does need it. I feel this "re-edit" could have been better if it was a full on redux of how you would do it now not only editing wise but also writing wise.

Voice Acting:
The voice acting was fine for the most part. Nowacking as Misuzu was great. So was WraithSinner as Kano and many of your roles, SoDA. Nick3989 I felt could have done better as Yukito. Pillow was good as Potato. The voice was fitting but the issue I had was with his performance. The rest were fine but my main problems were with the inconsistency of mic and mic qualities. It caused the whole thing to be jarring at times. Isnane, while he did fine as "My Child" had a bit of a muffly sound to it, and KouYamiAura did good her mic was peaky and staticy though. That would perhaps be my problem with the voice acting. I understand many people aren't going to have the same exact mic but these inconsistencies can often make the experience for your viewers jarring. And I do understand someone could have "the voice" but mic quality is essential as well. So keep that in mind as well.

Editing & Mixing:
I gotta say your editing is one of the biggest high points in this series. You have an understanding of the basics as well as more advanced things and that's a good thing. I couldn't find anything bad editing wise in this. Lip flaps were spot on, visual gags were clean. Overall, good editing.

Mixing in this series does need some work. Some mics are louder or quieter than others and there's not much leveling in there. So I do feel that should be worked on. The background music and sound effects were fine however. So just work on that for future episodes.

Overall:
I did enjoy myself while watching this. Like I said, per the exception of a few characters, the voice acting seemed enjoyable and the exchanges the characters had were enjoyable. Few of the scenes were amusing while some were not. The editing was good in this. Mixing needs a tune up. And my main issue is that this needs characterization. But I feel when you redo the series, you will take these tips and improve Air Abridged to your liking and the liking of others. Keep it up.

Air Abridged Episode 1 Re-Edit by SoDA gets a: 3 1/2 out of 5

Pros:
? Great Editing and Visual Gags
? Some scenes did make me laugh
? Voice acting was fine

Cons:
? Needs characterization to help make funnier (Especially in the scenes I found were unneeded)
? Inconsistent mics and mic qualities make this jarring at times
? Mixing needs a tune up.

Next I will critique Guilty Crown Abridged Episode 2 by ssdrwho and then FMAA Parody Episode 2 by Fuzzy of CosmicPhoenixPro and then the rest of Air Abridged

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03-06-2013, 06:58 PM (This post was last modified: 03-06-2013 07:36 PM by SoDA.)
Post: #52
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
To explain the humor and the mixing. My mixing sucked when I first made the first Air Abridged. 80% of the audio in the re-edit is the original audio.

When I made the re-edit, I wanted strictly a re-edit, a change to one of the voice actors, and mine being redone because misuzu sounded different now compared to when old air 1 was made, and so did I.

Only two lines were changed from the original script, one because I had one really stupid joke, and another stupid joke involving Joe Swanson that I just had to put in there, and another because I was rerecording and I thought what I wanted to say instead sounded better.

As to completely explain the humor, I was making a re-edit. Not a complete 2nd take.

Now Do Air Abridged 1 to 4

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Worry not; the abridged community can be dead to anyone, and rightfully so.
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03-18-2013, 12:44 PM
Post: #53
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Hey there Mr. Skoringo! I'm working with a group on Desert Punk Abridged! I noticed you'd commented on our video already, but I was wondering if you be willing to give it a more in-depth critique Smile

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03-18-2013, 05:51 PM (This post was last modified: 09-14-2013 11:59 AM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #54
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
OK. So seeing as how I will soon be doing the 4 episodes of Air Abridged as well as later Desert Punk Abridged. I'm gonna do 2 critiques of FMA Abridged and Guilty Crown Abridged and then I'll do Air Abridged Episodes 1-4 and then one of Desert Punk later. So lets get started!

Guilty Crown Abridged Episode 2 by ssdrwho





Background:
I remember Guilty Crown when it first came out. When the promos aired I was all excited as it looked like an awesome series. When I watched it... Well... I didn't hate it. But it wasn't as good as I expected it to be. Especially given the fact that the episodes after the first two caused me to loose interest only to come back and see it got better. While I don't consider it a favorite, it did what it had to do.

I think I first found out about this abridged version when Mattroks commented on it and I found it in my YouTube feed. I watched and well.. While nothing to exciting, I'd say it's probably one of the much stronger ssdrwho series he does. Which brings us to this episode. How does it fair against the others? Lets find out.

Writing:
While the writing in this wasn't bad or anything, in fact its probably the closer to funnier series then NAAS in my opinion, I do believe it does need some work. Allot of the exchanges and jokes felt very arbitrary and meta. Granted the only real groaner of a scene in this whole thing was the Another and Another Abridged. Sorry. Not a fan of fourth wall humor / look at what else I did humor. On top of that some scenes over stayed their welcome at times (IE the scene with the robot and the main guy) so try to make more of your scenes a bit more concise. That or spice up the comedy more in your things. I feel that your characters exchanges could be written more comedic and sound more like human conversations. Try studying this kind of humor with abridges such as: Ezekieru, TruthorDeal, YamatoSFX, GuttedWrenStudios or Unwardil. Many of them are known for having well written and funny dialogue. Or other movies or shows with well written and funny dialogue. Another thing I notice is that so far the characters do not have much characterization to them (per the exception of a few) so perhaps try to develop your characters to open up more possibilities.

Voice Acting:
I dunno. The voice acting here didn't sell it for me. Britton was pretty good, Mgoosh for the robot was good, I thought I could have done better with Daryl. And everyone else was just meh or not that good. I think allot of it was both inconsistent mics and under delivered performances. I remember getting the script, there wasn't any real lines for direction or anything. So maybe in your scripts, put in notes on how a line should be said or whats going on to help give your actors a reference on how to feel. That or have Skype calls with them and have em record as they do lines with you with instruction and all. As for the inconsistent mic issues, well... See previous reviews of your work.

Editing & Mixing:
Now much like your works in NAAS, your editing has been pretty good. I've even noticed the drawn on lip flaps look allot cleaner then they used to. My only complaint is the other visual editing looks a bit sloppy IE The Another scene where they are watching NAAS on the TV and it was a bit sloppy looking. Perhaps looks up some tutorials on how to make it clearer and nicer looking. From what I know, hbi2k has a tutorial on this art so I would suggest giving that a look.

As for the mixing, I found that to be OK. I thought the sfx could have been a bit quieter. But aside from that, no complaints

Overall:
While I will say this is better than your Another Abridged episodes, it's still meh from my end. I mean my main issue is the writing which is just overall bland and not really funny. Like I said, characterization is key in good comedic writing and many of your characters so far lack that. Another thing is some exchanges seem arbitrary and plane. Work on that. As for the acting, try to help actors deliveries better with notes or recording sessions so the delivery can better help your dialogue. Editing and mixing are fine. But work on the above two.

Guilty Crown Abridged Episode 2 by ssdrwho gets a: 2 1/2 out of 5

Pros:
? Editing was solid
? Some performances were good

Cons:
? Writing is still bland
? Other performances need work
? SFX are at times a bit loud.

FMAA Parody Ep 2 by Fuzzy (CosmicPhoeinixPro)





Background:
When it comes to Full Metal Alchemist, I much prefer Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood over the 2003 series. Mainly because Brotherhood sticks closer to the manga, has better animation and a better ending. And I honestly wasn't to crazy about the 03 version and the twists and turns it took compared to Brotherhood. Overall, the 03 series was verry meh for me.

When it comes to abridged versions of it, I have seen many. And most of em are pretty bland sauce with the exception of Null Metal Alchemist and... Well... This abridging which I have enjoyed for a long time. So you could probably imagine my reaction when I was asked to do this critique.

[Image: tumblr_inline_mhcfbnZkC11qz4rgp.gif]
^ Something like that.

I mean I actually really enjoy CosmicPhoeinixPro's work since Chicknwings first interviewed you guys. And I find it to be a shame you guys haven't done anything in so long. So this critique was pretty hard to think of and make mainly because I didn't wanna be impartial or that guy who plays favorites. Hence the delay on Cirtiques. And seeing as how you want me to review whats considered your best episode, lets get it on!

Writing:
I gotta say the writing here is pretty good. Lots of the exchanges and dialogue with the characters that all feels human. On top of that, the jokes used here are all really funny and silly. Surprisingly very low on reference humor. My only complaint is that some scenes can go on a bit long and tend to not be as jokey as the others. So that maybe something to work on for future scripts. I also didn't find the whole Pop Tart counter that funny and it could have been left out. But aside from that, I have no real complaints other than that.

Voice Acting:
The voice acting here was good. The actors gave life to their performances and it served you well. If anything, some mics got distorty and peaky but I'll cover that in the editing and mixing section of my critique. Overall good job on that.

Editing:
Editing in this was also really good. I didn't really see any problem areas maybe except for like the one consistency thing you made a joke. If anything, the pacing in this could have been better as with the whole concise issue mentioned above, the exchanges could have been a tiny bit quicker. But overall, editing seems fine on my end.

As for the mixing, that needs a bit of work. I found the the background music could have been a bit lower in some areas as it was loud and there was some peaking in Eds lines so that's another thing to look out for in sound editing. I also felt a few scenes could have used additional sfx or a tiny bit more bgm. So that's another thing.

Overall:
I really enjoyed watching this. I mean allot of the scenes got a chuckle out of me, it';s free of groaners, solid editing... This is good stuff. Just work on what I've told you to above and you should be golden.

FMAA Parody Ep 2 by Fuzzy (CosmicPhoenixPro) gets a: 4 out of 5
NOTE: I would give you a higher rating, but I think you can do better. And if you guys do return, I look forward to it.

OK. So later, I will do Air Abridged Episodes 1-4 and then Desert Punk Abridged Episode 1.

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03-18-2013, 06:28 PM
Post: #55
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Thank you, I really appreciate the input.

I'm surprised it's achieved as much of a positive feedback as it did, it's certainly given me a bit more incentive to work on the editing.

Love the critiques so far, keep it up.
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03-21-2013, 05:38 PM
Post: #56
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
@ MrSkoringo. I gotta admit that episode 1 is better than episode 2... Other than that, I guess I gotta spend more time on main VA once I get to episode 3.
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03-27-2013, 07:11 PM (This post was last modified: 09-14-2013 12:01 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #57
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Air Abridged Episodes 1-4 by SoDA





















Since I have given background info in my review of the Episode 1 Re-Edit, I'll just dive into the review. Also take note, this is my first time critiquing more than 1 episode of a series in 1 big critique. So I will be touching on how the series has gotten better in each category throughout the episodes.

Writing:
While watching these episodes, I found that I had a wierd 50 / 50 feel with the comedy and writing. There were the moments I enjoyed (IE some of the scenes with Yukito and girls Haruko, Misuzu and Hijiri, Yukito's rant about the map, Potato's gimmick, Sora the crow, the my child scene in Episode 1, some of the sillier moments, etc) and moments with things I didn't like so much (IE the blatant 4th wall jokes where SoDA and the characters would discuss bad jokes, random moments just in their for a moment while not serving anything to the plot, random visual gags that were just kinda there, much of the reference humor, etc.). My other issue is that I really don't know what's going on in the series. There's not that much happening to make a story I can follow Another thing I have noticed about this series is that many of the characters don't have much character to them. In abridging or parody, much like other genres of entertainment, characterization is key to making a good product. Watching this, the characters (from my point of view) lacked the characterization necessary to help me understand them. So I would say cut out the 4th wall jokes, tone it down on the references (They aren't bad. Just do not make them blatant and constant), work on characterization and more on plot development and, and cut the fat out. And your writing should improve when you restart the series.

Voice Acting:
I liked much of the voice acting in this series. Nowacking and WrathSinner both give very lively and well done performances to both their characters. Same with many of your characters SoDA. InsaneSavant doesn't do a bad job either with his roles. PillowVSPillow does a fine job with Potato and Kano's dad. My main complain is with Nick3889 as Yukito. His voice is fitting but his acting had much to be desired. Lots of whisper yelling and weak delivery. One thing I would do is that when you give your actors the script and you want them to do lines, perhaps put in your script how they are supposed to say it and if you need to, direct them via Skype. It will help your audience become more engrossed with your series as the better performances can help much more with the delivery of your jokes and dialogue be more believable and real. My only other complaint (and note I mentioned this in the Episode 1 Re-Edit review) is the inconsistency in mics that the actors have which also causes it to be jarring. Noted not everyone needs the same mic but they should all produce a sound which makes the sound and quality consistent with one another as close as possible.

Editing & Mixing:
Editing in this series is something that has improved quite a bit. I noticed that as it progressively got better with each episode. Wither it be with the lip flaps looking better each episodes, or cleaner visual gags , editing in this was pretty good. And I did mention the visual gags earlier in this review. Allot of them (with the exception of Sora The Crow since you made him a character) seemed tacked on or unnecessary or just for the effect of fluffing up a scene of dialogue. In my view, visual gags should at least contribute to the show. IE In Monster Abridged where Tenma is doing surgery and asks for several surgical tools and then at one point asks for a spatula for said surgery. Visual gags are best when they contribute to the product. Not when they are put in their randomly.

I also didn't have much of an issue with the mixing in allot of parts. I didn't have to turn up and down my speakers to hear people or because one mic was louder than the other. Like I said, if anything with sound, it would be in the inconsistency with mics.

Overall:
I feel that this series has allot of potential but has yet to reach the status of "Really damn good". My main issues would probably be with the moments of bad it has. Weither those moments be in the voice acting or weaker moments in writing. I mean it's like I enjoyed it but also had an equal number of problems. My views on it overall match that of Initial's views in a comment he left on your episode 1 re-edit:
[Image: F7W5eaF.png]

My main advice for when you redux the series would be to work on the writing to focus less on the weaker material and more on characterization and telling a story (U can still have a MENTy style your other episodes have. But even in MENT there is story), and try directing your actors and finding ones you want to involve that can have consistent mic qualities, make sure visual gags serve a purpose. I look forward to your new Air Abridged and what you do with it.

Air Abridged Episodes 1-4 by SoDA gets a: 3 out of 5

Pros:
? Has scenes in the series which can be really funny
? Editing and mixing has improved as it progresses
? Voice actors casted all have fitting voices

Cons:
? Much of the humor is to be desired
? Inconsistant mics make the product jarring
? Many performances lack in emotion and delivery

Next time I review Desert Punk Abridged Episode 1!

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04-07-2013, 07:56 AM
Post: #58
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Tell me whatcha think



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04-14-2013, 12:03 AM
Post: #59
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
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04-16-2013, 04:33 AM (This post was last modified: 09-14-2013 12:26 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #60
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Well seeing as how I have not done one of these in quite some time, I'll pound out a new critique.

Desert Punk Abridged Episode 1 by Hawkeye122





Background:
I first found out about Desert Punk through NewType USA Magazine when that was still a thing back in the days. Aaah NewType USA you will be missed. It seemed like an interesting and cool series so I gave it a look after purchasing volume 1. I expected a more serious post apocalyptic series similar to Judge Dredd or Fist of the North Star but I got a hilarity ensuing anime series I really ended up loving.

Now to abridge something would be quite an achievement. I mean abridging comedy series well has been done well before (See MidnightFrogs and Dokuro Chan Abridged) but it's often harder due to the obvious reason of comedic animes already being to funny and silly. I once attempted to do a Beelzebub Abridged but it didn't work out due to the series being silly enough on it's own. But back to DP Abridged, I heard about this through 6SeptaG and remember giving the creator my regards of good luck as it would be a difficult task bringing us to the review here.

Writing:
I thought the writing and jokes for this episode were... OK. I mean I could see where you were going for them most of the time but overall they were either weak or strangely just kinda there. For example, the first scene of the villain. And the random moments whenever they were there, felt awkward and unnecessary. I knew what you were going for but I felt it could have been much stronger and the dialogue in the scene (as well as the other parts) could have been stronger, funnier and better written. Also, and I'm quoting Innagadadavida from Metabridged here with this:
Quote:"Vaugley relative music is not a joke"
I noticed you did that a time or two in the episode with Gangam style and such and it mostly it felt weak. Also, unfitting music in scenes, while a nice attempt, don't constitute as jokes either. I'd also say work more on your characterization as much of the characters were just kinda there so far to make jokes. If you develop your characters, it will open up opportunities for jokes in future episodes. To improve, I would consider showing your scripts before hand to a few 3rd party sources and get their views and suggestions on it and see what that does for ya. Also seeing as how your doing a series which is already comedic, try approaching it from a

Voice Acting:
I actually thought the voice acting here was pretty good. Hotshot did a nice job as the Desert Punk himself attitude and all. PurpleMokona as Junk and HappyAsian as the Villain guy were all fine. Septa as the Narrator IMO was the best. But overall, voice acting was nothing spectacular. So not much to say here except maybe consider directing your actors via Skype to help get the performance and delivery you want to help up your performances and line deliveries to make your jokes a bit better.

Editing & Mixing:
Editing could have been allot better from my perspective. There was no real lip flapping (granted it doesn't need to be all lip flaps from my view as I do like it when there are animated moments to not make it as stilted) or really anything memorable. Very standard editing for me. Pacing seemed fine by me as well. One complaint was the text on the screen was either hard to read or was a bit unnatural and crude. Might wanna work on that.

Mixing was alright. I felt some actors mics peaked in some areas and their mics were a bit distorted. May wanna try and learn audio clean up and proper mixing. I also thought the music in some areas was too loud so watch out for that. For some of the characters (preferably the ones with the masks that cover their faces, add a bit more of a mask over face effect for realism with it and more background noise and ambiance. Little tid bits and nitpicks like this will improve the performance and help with the realism.

Overall:
I thought this was alright. I feel it has promise but it needs some improvement in quite a few areas. Work on the mixing and editing a bit more, try developing your characters, work on the comedy a bit more and it should be good.

Desert Punk Abridged Episode 1 by hawkeye122 gets a: 2 out of 5

Pros:
? Voice acting was good for the most part.
? Has a good direction it's headed for.
? Well placed SFX.

Cons:
? Humor needs work.
? Mixing (SFX, BGM and all) needs a tune up
? Editing needs work

Next I'll do the DBZ parody and ssdrwho's newest episode.
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