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MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
04-19-2013, 03:51 AM (This post was last modified: 09-18-2013 02:06 AM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #61
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
DSA Dragonball Z Abridged Episode 1 by DragonSoulAbridged





Background:
I know I wouldn't be a minority here if I was to say I love me some Dragonball Z. I mean I know so many people who agree with me. I loved it during it's run on Toonami and it still stands as one of my all time favorite anime series till this day.

When it comes to abridged versions, I have always enjoyed the short parodies by WeeklyTubeShow2, the older shorts by 2Guys1More have always been fun, and the infamous abridged series by TeamFourStar. I heard about this series through the General Parody Talkback and it didn't get much feedback but that's what I'm here for. Let's dive in!

Writing:
Man this had some weak moments combined with some potential moments all resulting in just very meh writing. I mean I felt like there could have been done so much more with this. Many times through this it seemed like you were just trying to hard to be funny. It's like as if when the jokes were made, you would occasionally turn to the folks watching asking "IS THIS FUNNY?!" For example, the whole joke about Dragonball GT being what Bardock saw in the future could have been really funny... If you didn't shove it down the audiences throats every minute of the damn video. Seriously we get it. GT sucks. Hell. I parody the damn thing. The thing with Bardock falling was OK and some of the dialogue gave me a smirk but nothing really amazing or original. I will however give you props on the deal with you doing no jokes or steals from TFS considering most other attempts at abridging DBZ usually do. Another issue I had was that the characters didn't have any real character to them. Granted, this is an abridging of the Bardock OVA and many of the characters are a bit one offy but allot of the important ones didn't have much to em. They were just people talking. So characterization is key. Work on that and dialogue and you should be good. A suggestion to see how people like it would be to show it to some 3rd part sources to get some opinions. Preferably people with experience but it's your call.

Voice Acting:
I felt the voice acting here was alright. I liked the performances from DaltonOrange and Ranmarotto. The rest of the actors could have used work. My main issue is with iGlee4U. Her performance was a bit bland and her mic sounded very fuzzy and low quality. She should invest in something better if you want this to do well. People don't need $100+ mics but they should have clear mics. Also for the acting, try having directing sessions over Skype with your actors to help get the delivery you want for each line. It'll help the performances in your videos and help your audience enjoy your actors performances.

Editing & Mixing:
The editing here as really not up to par for my tastes. There was little to no lip flaps put in (again for me it doesn't have to be all lip flaps. I enjoy lip flaps while not sacrificing the animation) and that really destroyed the realism and technical for me. I know that there are tutorials all around YouTube from different abridgers on how to do proper lip flaps from folks like KaiserNeko, TwoGizz (of 2Guys1More), Zeromaster, MartialMitchell126 and others. My other issue is that the pacing here is just so bad. So many moments where it was just so damn slow with just music. I like that your using music to accompany the scenes but good lord. Put some dialogue in there. Hell the first minute in it was just music and then the dialogue. And another thing was that allot of the exchanges between the characters were slow. So that's another thing to look out for. On the plus side, you do have good video quality. So yeah. Just things to take note of.

Now to the mixing which is also another problem. Mainly with the audio leveling not just on the sfx and bgm but also the actors mics. Some were louder than others, peaked, many issues. Like I can tell you have the tools you just need to learn how to use em and level em. Work on that.

Overall:
This was overall not that good for me. The writing, while has potential, needs work with characterization and dialogue, many voice actors who have potential are in need of direction to get the delivery of their lines right. And the editing and mixing needs serious work. But I do belvie that you guys could pull it off! I mean this is honestly one of the few non TFS / WeeklyTubeShow2 / 2Guys1More DBZ parodies that doesn't steal from any of them. But sadly this episode couldn't cut it.


DSA Dragonball Z Abridged Episode 1 by DragonSoulAbridged gets a: 1 out of 5

Pros:
? Voice acting is fine for the most part.
? Good video quality.
? Strays away from TFS jokes.

Cons:
? Bland humor.
? Mixing and editing needs serious work.
? Line delivery from many actors (as well as mic quality) needs work.

Next will be ssdrwho's newest episode.
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04-19-2013, 10:22 PM
Post: #62
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
I guess I should critique this critique.
The show is not made by Dalton, but he did however help write it.
I am the creator (my name is Andrew, helloooo.)

Writing:
It was my first time writing an episode, i'll try to improve the second episode as best as possible.

Voice Acting:
With the delivery thing, I have got all my VA's on skype, but we kinda live in different countries, they're all in 'Merica, and i'm here in that one place with the kangaroo's, m8.

Editing & Mixing:
I can lip sync, there just wasn't much in that episode Smile
And with the audio level's, my headset shit's itself every 10 minutes and mute's itself and I can't find the right audio levels, and yeah the episode was really loud.

Overall:
well I kinda thought a one was harsh :c
but then again, I did kinda throw the script together pretty quickly, i'll be sure to spend more time on the next episode.



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04-20-2013, 01:23 AM (This post was last modified: 05-27-2013 03:28 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #63
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Not Another Abridged Series Episode 7 by ssdrwho





Once again, background given. No need for that. Let's do this!

Writing:
The writing this time around is just super bland. Like there were so many scenes that could have been written better. I felt every scene was just blah blah blah. The only scene that got a smile out of me was when Bossy (the pig tailed girl) had her break down cause she got twat swatted (I think that's what happened). But the rest of it I was just bland dialogue. Barley any jokes mostly exposition with what seemed to be set up jokes with out punchlines. Like I could see where they were going but they didn't get there. It's like Im watching the movie North. It's like "WHERES THE JOKE?" Also the stuff when they were talking while they were taking didn't add much. It reminds me of when STAA does that but when they do it, it fits since they are driving and they usually have dialogue to help move the scene forward and be funny. The stuff with the drawn characters and stuff in the background I will also get into later. So writing continues to be an issue. Allot of the time I was watching this thinking. "What the hell is this?! For God sakes, somebody throw a pie!" Maybe show your scripts to the more experienced abridgers and other people who are pretty good with comedic elements. That or take your time in writing these.

Voice Acting:
Voice acting has improved... Kinda. I didn't object towards anyone's performance this time around though it could have been better. My only issue (and this is one I keep bringing up) was the inconsistent and low quality mics. At this point, you need to get VAs with better mics or have your present VAs improve there quality. The only good mics I heard were Neuman's, Mattroks', and mine. Also keep directing your actors on their lines through direction. It'll help make the exchanges sound more human and you'll know what your looking for. Don't just settle on what they give you. Listen to their takes and make sure what you are getting from them is what you want. That or put direction in the scripts.

Editing & Mixing:
So much like the previous times, you know how to lip flaps and that's good. My main issues with the editing this time around was with two things: The drawn versions of Koichi and Bossy and the background stuff. The drawings for Koichi and Bossy were both verry crude and seemed unnatural. I mean the thing with her having a mustache could have been funny... If the drawing actually looked more like her. Same with Koichi. The overall crudeness of how they were drawn took me out of the realism of this. From what I can tell by doing this your taking a page from Runawayturist and Dotvob's books of editing but the thing is... You gotta make it allot more cleaner and nicer for better effect. I'm not sure if it's the way your drawing it or what your drawing it in but somethings gotta change man. The other issue I had was with the stuff in the background. Now not the way it looked or anything but it just overall seemed pointless and didn't add much. It mostly just seemed like a way for you to say, "Look what I can do!" Like I said, when STAA does it, it works as they are driving and adds a bit more to the supernatural effect while driving and it often relates to whatever the dialogue is while they drive. So you might wanna can that aspect.

Seems mixing has improved. The background music is not to loud in any area and is at a good volume, some sfx area tiny bit loud (from the few you put in there), and no-ones mic dominates the other to much. But overall, nothing special here.

Overall:
I could honestly just copy paste all my past reviews of your material and just have that. I mean yeah you improve like a little I geese but overall I'm not impressed man. vnv I mean the humor is still very dry, the voice acting (while improving) still suffers from under delivery and inconsistent mics,the editing is fine while the extra visual editing either still needs work or is just kinda there, and the sound mixing (from what there was) is passable. Just not my thing man. Sorry. Undecided

Not Another Abridged Series Episode 7 by SSDrWho gets a: 1 1/2 out of 5

Pros:
? Voice acting is improving (even slightly
? Lip Flap editing is solid
? Has potential

Cons:
? Dry humor that doesn't go anywhere
? The drawn bits were sloppy and crude. And the random stuff in the background seemed pointless.
? Inconsistent mics.

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04-21-2013, 07:21 AM
Post: #64
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Hi, there, Mr. Skoringo!
Ehh, this is my very, very, very first one-shot--abridged, thing.
It was very fun yet irritating to edit, but I think it was worth it. I'd appreciate it if you would be abe to give me some advice~ ^^
(Plus this was SUPPOSED to be released around Christmas)
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05-18-2013, 05:53 PM
Post: #65
Music RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
(Extremely late)JORMUNGAND WAN-SHAUGHT..thing. by TtheDragon






Background:
Now I have never seen Jormungand but I do know of it's existence. I know of it's plot but it was an anime I just never got into because it didn't seem that interesting.

As for this abridged version, I heard about it shortly after it was uploaded and then posted here. And now with this short introduction done, let's get to the review.

Writing:
The writing in this felt very weak and quite amateur. Granted this is your first attempt at abridging but I overall found myself either face palming or groaning or straight facing through the entire thing. Allot of it seemed like you were trying to hard to be funny to get a positive reaction from your audience. From the vaguely relative music, strange phrases and quotes used at weird contexts, flat jokes, blatant references that just happened, the writing in this was just weak. If you plan on doing any more abridged parodies and other works, I'd suggest working on your dialogue and joke making. Try getting inspiration from parodies that use this to their advantage. IE TeamFourStar, Ezekieru, TruthorDeal, FoulFangedFiend, YamatoSFX, Transformingmorpher, ZeroQ, Stephan (sketchedcomedy, TheHakuShow), OoziHobo, Ani-Storm, & CountAbyss. But not just parodies should be your focus on learning better humor and dialogue. There are other forms of media to study from like movies, TV shows, podcasts, other YouTubers, etc. Try to find a comedic style you can work with and try to improve. This is probably one of the weakest parts of your one shot.

Voice Acting:
The voice acting here was a bit of a mixed bag here. I liked InfiniteEquililzer's performance the best. She had the most energy and best perofrmance. I thought Oreimo could have done better but his role help up well. The6SeptaG did good but I felt with the appearance of the character he could have used a deeper more gravely voice for the fang guy and was fine as the buisness guy. The other female vas sufficed well. My main objections were towards TheGman, & Tthedragon. With Gman it was hard to understand em with his mic and I thought you held back a little with your voice work. For your voice work, I'd say just keep practicing as practice makes perfect. And as for your other actors, I say try directing them in calls so u can get the delivery as you want it and just try working with it. This is probably the one shot's strongest quality of the one shot though it still has much to be desired.

Editing & Mixing:
The editing in this was pretty weak. I mean I could tell all the shots had lip flaps put in and stuff but it was really sloppy in many parts. There were parts were the lip flaps were either off and many freeze frame moments looked awkward. For this, I say just keep checking out different lip flap tutorials and keep trying to master your craft. And the pacing was awkward. It didn't really jell together. Can't think of much else for the editing except for that.

As for the mixing, I feel it had a few gripes. Mainly that the leveling of the actors mics could have been a bit better to a more symmetrical volume to one another. Some SFX were a bit to loud. The background music was at a good volume tho. There were also some areas I thought could have used some ambiance and background noise to help give off the scenes realism. Just work a bit more on that and you should see some improvements.

Overall:
Now I know this was your first abridged project, but overall this wasn't up to par if you know what I mean. I'd say your two biggest concerns should be your editing and writing. Your voice acting was able to hold up pretty well aside from a few of the supporting characters. The editing visually needs allot of work for future work in terms of the lip flaps and hiccupy scenes here and there. Pacing needs more of a flow and needs to be less jumpy. Many scenes needed more background noise and ambiance. Overall, this is a bit of a rough start to your road as an abridger but I feel if you take my tips, you will improve in any future parody and abridging endeavors you shoot for. But this one didn't quite cut it.

(Extremely late)JORMUNGAND WAN-SHAUGHT..thing. by TtheDragon gets a: 1 out of 5

Pros:
? Main cast had good voice acting

Cons:
? Writing was not verry funny and didn't have much of a flow.
? Much of the supporting cast needs serious help in the voice acting and mic issues.
? Visual editing and some mixing aspects need a for sure tune up.

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05-24-2013, 05:21 PM
Post: #66
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Hey! I'm new to this whole abridging thing and would like to get better at it.



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05-27-2013, 01:45 PM
Post: #67
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Spectacular Spider-Man Abridged Episode 1 by ThatCoolKidWithTheMetalPole





Background:
When it comes to TV shows, Marvel always has a way of makin' em charming and memorable but not the best, terrible or pretty awesome. Spectacular Spider-Man was the latter of the three. I got into the Spectacular Spider-Man around my high school days and I gotta say it's one of Marvel's best animated series. I liked all the angles it took, the writing and development was well done, and the animation while not the best did suffice for pretty good animation. I only find it a shame that Marvel canceled that and Avengers Earth's Mightiest to make room for Ultimate Spiderman, Avengers Assemble and the upcoming *shudder* Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.

When it comes to this abridged version, aside from leik777's old one shot and the many YouTube trailers for promised projects that never got off ground. And as for this version well.... I didn't hear about it till the critique I am giving you today. So lets see how you do.

Writing:
So after watching this a couple times, I felt that this first episode had a case of what I see in some abridged series pilots these days: good ideas with lackluster writing. I mean there were some things you did here that were kinda creative (The Vulture talking like an actual Vulture with subtitles for his dialogue, the whole prostitution joke with Aunt May, the idea of Pete and his friends trading off drugs, etc) but the problems here were that the dialogue and writing for said jokes and gimmicks were just weak and seemed like you were trying to hard to be funny. I mean with the whole Peter and his pals doing the whole drugs joke, it was done so much. Through allot of it I was like, "I get it. Yeah OK. Rocks and drugs. WHY YOU ALWAYS BE TELLIN' ME THIS?!" And some of the other jokes with the way they were written were just coming off as trying to be funny rather than being funny. On top of that, much of the other character's dialogue seemed inhuman and weak. For this I'd say get some more comedic inspiration and better dialogue skills from things like TV shows (The Simpsons, American Dad, Fraiser, Arrested Development, Louie, Seinfeld, etc), movies (Mel Brooks films, Zagat Brothers films, etc), radio shows and podcasts, other parodies (I recommend the works of YamatoSFX, Stephan aka AbridgedComedy, FoulFangedFiend, Ani-StormNation, Ezekieru, CountAbyss, TFS, LK, etc.). Or heck. Maybe get some friends and others here in AF to look over your scripts to get feedback. I find that if you further improve your dialogue to make it sound more natural and human and well... funny, this could work out quite well in your favor.

Voice Acting:
The voice acting in this was pretty bad. My two main issues were the mic quality and well.... the acting and range. Lets start off with the mic quality. It was abysmal. It sounded like either a built in laptop mic or some kind of mic you'd buy at Wal-Mart for 15 bucks. Now I'm not saying you need to go out of your way and buy yourself a $200+ mic. Not at all. But you should at least find a mic that produces good sound quality. If your aiming for cheap and passable, I'd say the Logitech USB series of mics is fine (though be warned, they do break easily). But if you want excellent quality, the Samson CO1U or CO3U make superb mics. Or even The Blue Snowball. If you're not looking into getting a new mic or anything, then I would suggest getting other VAs involved to fill in the spots. And as for the whole acting and range issues, I felt that the performances felt either forced or that you were holding back to much in your acting. To help out with this, practice makes perfect. Many online voice acting workshops and tutorials are available to help you improve in your voice acting. One thing I HIGHLY recommend is checking out the book Voice Over Voice Actor by Yuri Lowenthall and Tara Platt. The book has many great vocal warm ups, acting techniques and other ways to help your voice acting out. Seriously, this book is like a bible for any VA out there. It's the book that helped me improve my voice acting over the years. And then there's the issue of range which by that I means I knew you were playing all the characters and many of them sounded very similar to the others. Like I said before, you might wanna consider scouting some other VAs to be involved with your works to help you out in voice acting. Sites like VoiceActingAliance, AbridgedForums (right here), and BehindTheVoiceActors all have places where you can input audition threads that people can audition for parts in the series. You may wanna incorporate that in because this episode's voice acting was no good.

Editing & Mixing:
Now I can note the fact you are working a western animated show where as most other abridgers work on anime, and I also understand that editing around that style of animation is hard. But man was the editing just a mess. Sloppy lip flaps, hiccupy visuals, slow pacing, bad aspect ratio choices, 240p quality, just messy messy messy. I mean allot of the lip flaps seemed rushed and sloppy with seemingly missing frames, unfitting frames, just bad lip flap editing. For this, I'd get a hold of DemonGroceryStore (Code Geass Abridged creator who did a decent Korra parody with good editing of western animation) or midgettoe2000 (editor for DCUniverseAbridged's Young Justice Abridged). Pacing was also another issue. Long akward pauses (that weren't even funny) and the whole thing did't have a flow at all. It felt very awkward and poorly paced. And then there's the aspect ratio. It seemed like it was in a giant box and made it a bit ugly looking. Play around with your apect ratio settings till you find something better fitting. And then theres the 240p quality....



I mean. Come to the year 2013 man. 240p for parodies is no longer an option my man. U gotta up it up to 480 at the least. I mean. Some may call that nitpicking but 240p is just awful. Especially these days when most parodies are 480p or 720p. Quality man. Quailty~!

And now for the mixing which there isn't gonna be much to talk about cause well... There wasn't that much even though allot was needed. The only things I heard were the faint web swinging which sounded low quality and the low quality sound of Vulture's wing getting shredded... And that was it. In future, you need to incorporate far more sound effects, background music, ambiance, voice effects. Allot more! You need to do your best to build the illusion we are watching the show. Because this did not feel right at all. It just felt like dialogue over footage with bad quality sound effects. You need to do allot of work not just in visual editing but also sound editing.

Overall:
I think it's great you wanna get better at abridging and you're willing to contact others to get help with it. But MAN does this need work in all areas. The writing, while it did have some good ideas and a good approach, was not helped with the mediocre and unfunny inhuman dialogue. The voice acting needs more voice actors and you need better mic quality. And the editing and mixing needs MUCH more time put into it. Like I said, I'm glad your looking for help from myself and others here on AF because you are gonna need allot of it. This episode was a rough start to your road as an abridger but I feel that if you take my tips as well as the tips from others on how to get better, you will for sure improve. But for this one, it just didn't hold.

Spectacular Spider-Man Abridged Episode 1 by ThatCoolKidWithTheMetalPole gets a: out 1 of 5

Pros:
? Has great ideas and a good direction.

Cons:
? Writing and dialogue was weak and inhuman.
? Voice acting suffered from mediocre performances and bad mic quality.
? Bad editing and non existent / weak mixing.

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05-31-2013, 10:19 PM
Post: #68
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my latest episode
So critique it, may be?




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06-01-2013, 04:45 PM
Post: #69
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Inuyasha WTF AbridgeMENT 7 by ArkaKun





Writing:
I have to say, writing wise I liked this episode overall. I mean I felt you were really on the ball with the humor this time around. I liked the discussion at the beginning Inuyasha and Kagome had, I liked lots of Shippo's lines and the stuff with the Thunder Brothers came out pretty good. My only real problem is that there were just a few moments that could have been better. IE The gimmick with Hiten's "hiccuping" seemed more like he just randomly is taken over by Pikachu. The follow up convo with Inuyasha and Shippo after Shippo gave his background was weak. And I didn't quite understand the whole point of the whole mockumentary style camera trick at the beginning. Especially considering it didn't stay with the whole cold opening or episode. But aside from that, you did manage to get some laughs out of me. So nice work.

Voice Acting:
I thought it was actually a pretty funny idea to give Shippo a deeper voice than usual and Runawayturist plays the voice off very well. I do like your voices for Inuyasah and Kagome as your voice work is getting better. My only objection here is that the diction and talking pace for both characters as at times they were a tiny bit hard to understand. That and it sounded like you were using a pitch changer for Maten. I still like Mattroks' performance as Myoga. So overall aside from those nitpicks and notes, I'd say the voice acting here held up.

Editing & Mixing:
Now with the editing, you have the meat and potatoes of it all down. Lip flaps are quite existent and the overall footage quality is good. And the camera effect in the cold opening seemed pretty good. You also have improved your pacing. My only complaint is that with your lip flaps at this point are the fact they move uber fast and have that uncanny valley effect. I believe incorporating more animation into your parodies will help give it a less stilted feel. Aside from that though pretty good.

Mixing here seemed alright. The bgm was at a good volume as were the sound effects and mic volumes of the actors. My only thing I'd say would be good to add would be to add some more ambiance to areas as it would help build the illusion that the audience is in the area the abridged series is taking place in. To help with the realism and such.

Overall:
This is probably one of your better episodes. I feel that the writting (save for a few moments here and there) was good but could still be better. The voice acting this time was solid per the diction and talking pace issues. The editing while showing competence, sitll has the uncanny valley effect and the mixing could use some ambiance. But all in all:

[Image: e83.gif]

Inuyasha WTF AbridgeMENT 7 by ArkaKun gets a: 4 out of 5

Pros:
? Shippo's character (and other moments) were really funny.
? Improved pace.
? Good supporting cast.

Cons:
? Editing still has the uncanny valley effect to it.
? Needs more ambiance / background noise.
? Diction and enunciation with Inuyasha and Kagome need work.

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06-29-2013, 01:19 AM (This post was last modified: 06-29-2013 01:21 AM by gogojojo33.)
Post: #70
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium






The power of queen compells you!
CAN ANYBODY...find me... somebody too...review

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07-01-2013, 05:51 AM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2013 05:51 AM by ssdrwh0.)
Post: #71
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Here's a Code:MENT video for you... > : D

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07-13-2013, 01:51 PM (This post was last modified: 07-14-2013 02:42 AM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #72
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Sorry for the delay in reviews. I've been preoccupied with work and projects. Here's one to tide y'all over.

Fairy Tail Abridgement Episodes 1 & 2 by Dastails (posted by gogojojo33)









Background:
Fairy Tail is a show I find is decent but really not much one I'd finish. I didn't find it bad or anything its just been a show I will wait for Funimation to release and go off their releases. I think the characters and magic element are all cool, the animation is nice. I just never would go out of my way to see the newest episode on JustDubs or Hulu. I'll just keep up with Funimation's releases.

When it comes to abridged versions, I keep up on 3 Fairy Tail parodies. Fairy Tail The Abridged Series by Bigmanisbackyo3 aka FaryTailAbridge, Fairy Tail Abridged Parody by PalletTownChampions and this version. I found out about it when auditions were held here on the Abridged Forums. I didn't audition at the time as I had my hands tied with other works. I was later contacted by Dastails to voice in the project and after looking over the script for episode 1, I liked it and joined. But how does it hold up along with episode 2? Lets find out. (Please note, due to the fact I am reviewing this in the style of SoDA's Air Abridged where I review the episodes but how they progressed)

Writing:
So... I noticed that with the writing in episode 1, it had the right idea of mostly original humor (aside from a few references which I'll cover in a bit) but that it was a tad dry and lame. And with episode 2, the original jokes deteriorated and relied much more on reference humor... Lame, groan worthy, reference humor. With the humor in episode 1, it felt like the jokes could have been better written with stronger punchlines and such to make it good and have certain lines cut to get rid of the fat and lame jokes. As for the references... While I don't mind them in parodies, I feel they were used to a bit of an unhealthy amount in episode 2. What I think you guys really need is practice & experience with comedy, characters and writing. Once you have that and hold back on the references, you should be all good. Also your doing Fairy Tail,

Voice Acting:
While I will say the cast you have is good, I feel it could be better. My main problems are with two things: Microphones and delivery. Yes the voices you have for your characters are good, I feel they could be better if you were to perhaps direct them via Skype or even include notes in your script on how lines are said. If you are doing one or both of those already, then it sounds like you just need experience and a bit more directing. Don't just settle on lines that are "close enough". Get it how you want it. Then there's the microphones. Now I'm not saying everyone should have the same mic, but their quality should be fairly consistent to one another. As many of the mics here made the experience jarring. If one actor has a good sounding mic and another one is echoey or tinny, then it can cause the experience of your audience to be jarred. My main issues here with those were Gray and Lucy. Work with your audio editor, invest in new mics or even have your editor or mixer try to clean up your takes as much as you can.

Editing & Mixing:
Now I did notice some glitches in the editing lip flaps and such in your first episode, but you corrected em in the second. So your lip flap editing and overall visual presentation works just fine. The visual gags you have all work. My only complaint if any is that it is at times inconstant and there are some editing parts. Example: When Natsu's fire dragon roar is blocked and the explosion happens it crushes the building. Yet we still see the villains in the building while the flashy explosion effect going on and made it look jarring. That's kind of an example given while killing two birds with one stone. Things like that are in there that should be noted and ironed out with masking and other tools. But aside form those issues, your looking good.

The mixing and sound design is in need of probably the most work. Things happening with no sound effects, lack of bgm / ambiance. All that stuff. Example: In Episode 1 when Natsu is in the restaurant with Lucy and Happy, he and Happy and gorging themselves on food. Wheres the sounds of Natsu eating and the sounds of food being consumed, silverware, etc. Or in Episode 2 when the villains deflect Natsu's Fire Dragon Roar there were some explosions and other effects that could have been put in. I'd work allot on sound design. Details, nooks and crannies can all make a difference in your audience experience. Just keep working at it and immerse your viewers.

Overall:
I feel what this project needs is just experience and time. Once you obtain all that, it should start improving. Your writing has fairly good structure but the references and weak jokes hold it back. The inconstant mics and isolated lines (which require direction) should be corrected. The editing (besides a few scenes) is fine but the sound design needs work. While I think this isn't bad or terrible, it needs some work. But with experience, time and effort, I feel this will get better and will start turning heads.

Fairy Tail Abridgement Episodes 1 & 2 by Dastails gets a: 2 1/2 out of 5

Pros:
? Good choices for voices
? Has potential and the right idea
? Good editing (aside from the occasional hiccups)

Cons:
? Voice actors should be directed due to the isolated performances
? Sound mixing and sound design needs work
? Has lame jokes (references and weak lines) which hold it back.

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07-13-2013, 09:43 PM
Post: #73
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium




Here's my first big project, done with a couple of friends. Be brutal. If it sucks, lemme know so I can strive to improve~!
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07-14-2013, 01:01 PM (This post was last modified: 07-15-2013 10:17 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #74
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Code : MENT - One Shot by SSDrWho





Background:
I haven't seen that much of Code : Breaker but from the clips and other things I've seen, it looks pretty cool. Yeah maybe another high school kids with super powers series we've seen a bunch before, but I may give it a watch.

As for abridged versions, I've only known about Grimmjack69's version in the works and this version. I just heard about it from SSDrWho. And with this short intro done, lets see how it held up.

Writing:
I don't have an opinion really on the name... I mean I think it'd cause confusion among abridgers and may seem like your just trying to get views from PurpleEyesWTF's fans with the name but that's just me... Anyways, much like your other works I've reviewed previously, the writing seems to lack the comedic potential it could have in this isn't used to the fullest extent. Lots of the lines are either just lame jokes or what could have been better. I liked the little bit with the Ogami having the fan girls and.... that was really it. Everything else sounded very arbitrary, fandubby and bland. It's like you have the source material to mock and play with but.... Not to it's full potential. I mean I could here just say is to try to get a better understanding of comedy (watching other forms of comedy you enjoy and studying it aside from parodies and abridged series) and finding a comedic style. Another issue I have is that these characters.... Don't have any character to them. They just all seem to be joke and dialogue dispensers. I feel that in parody or comedy in general, well established and developing characters (wither they be plays on their original self or completely changed) can help comedy be released and used to it's fullest potential. But for this, it didn't cut it.

Voice Acting:
The voice acting here was also really weak. I mean I did like the voices (for the most part) but I feel they were all isolated and sounded confused. You need to do your part as a director and direct your actors on your lines via Skype calls. That or put in direction in your scripts. I see that Mgoosh01 has improved but without the direction it's still kind of hard to tell thiugh his range is versatile. I liked the voices Sinyuvuu and Nad provided. But the rest didn't stand out and were poorly performed and delivered. Time to step up your game there.

Editing & Mixing:
Visual editing here is actually pretty good. With the exception of a few lip flap hiccups here and there, the editing here seems to hold up fine. Good quality footage. My only real complaint here is the under-usage of establishing shots and at times letting the animation do the work. Give us the sense of us watching the show with tighter editing. Pacing however is not to bad. Good examples of parodies that do this are Ezekieru's Code Geass Abridged & Index'd, The Yu Yu Haku Show by DeathlyMuffins, YamatoSFX's works, Dark Swamp by Nowacking and of course TeamFourStar (please note: these are good ones to study and understand comedy, dialogue and characterization from as well). But get those tune ups in and the editing will be looking pretty good.

As for the mixing and sound design.... Really not much. I mean dead-air, weak sound effects, background music and ambiance in spots to accompany the scenes missing... Just weak bad sound design. Much like I said with the visual editing, details like that can make all the difference in people being immersed and entertained for your parody. So the sound design here was super weak sauce.

Overall:
I have reviewed many of your projects here in my critique thread, and since your Episode 1 of your Guilty Crown, I have seen no improvement. Your humor and writing is still arbitrary and bland, your voice acting lacks direction, & you have little to no sound design in your works. Like I said, there has been no improvement. I don't even know if your listening to myself or Truth or whoever else you ask for critiques from at this point. You still gotta step your game up allot. Cause this wasn't that good at all.

Code : MENT - One Shot by SSDrWho gets a: 1 out of 5

Pros:
? Good visual editing (aside from the few hiccups).
? Voices fit their characters.
? Understands pacing.

Cons:
? Weak writing and bland humor.
? Voice acting seems to lack direction.
? No sound design whatsoever makes the immersion feel terrible.

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07-15-2013, 05:30 PM
Post: #75
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Angel Tales Abridged: Unforgetable Bondage by TheGrumpyMage





Background:
So this is probably gonna be my shortest background information ever given in a review. I have never seen Angel Tales. I've just heard about it just recently. I think I may have seen an article on it on AnimeNewsNetwork but it never really interested me. So sorry if I had a hard time understanding what was going on in the parody as a result.

As for this abridged version... I found out about it when it was posted here! So, lets see how it holds up.

Writing:
So the writing here was..... OK I guess. To be honest I felt like allot of lines could have been funnier if they were either delivered better (delivery we will cover more on in the voice acting portion) or written to a funnier degree. I mean I did like a two of the scenes (the scene with the fortune teller and the text messages, the scene of Goro trying finding his glasses, the fake outs when the girls are stalking Goro) but this was brought down by lame or amateur jokes. Wither they be just observations on things or just lamely written or poorly acted (again we'll cover that in a bit). Another thing I found is that the characters (while their back stories covered) didn't have that much character to them. From what I can gather, Goro's just kinda that guy in weird situations, Tsubasa's... a black guy I guess, Ran's the nice girl / straight women among the three, and Kurumi's the sassy one?? As for the rest of the cast there really wasn't much to gather through the performances. I will say though, I was able to tell what was going on and with me being one who has not seen the original source material, that's a good sign. Just work on your characters a bit more and try to spice up your writing and up your comedy, and you'll be solid.

Voice Acting:
So you know how in the last part I kept bringing up the performances and such and said I'd get to it in a bit? This would be the part I'm referring too. I felt like allot of the performances could have worked and been better directed. For the most part, the voices fit (even Tsubasa's surprisingly) but what this lacked in was performance in delivery. The delivery in the lines was weak and they could have been stronger. This will also bring out more in the jokes and have them hit harder. Another problem I had was the inconstancy and quality of the mics. They weren't abysmal or anything but I could definitely tell there were different mics for each of the actors and it made the experience jarring and inconsistent. So you may wanna clean em up. Another issue I had was with the puffiness and pop's for the mics from the male VAs. Investing in a pop filter would be best. And many lines peaked (we'll get to that in the mixing part). Your cast may want to get some new mics or work on the mixing (which we'll get to in a bit).

Editing & Mixing:
In terms of visual editing, this held up fine. I did feel the footage quality could have been better and perhaps the aspect ratio could have been tuned up. But the lip flaps were passable (aside from the occasional hiccup here and there) as were the visual gags. So not to bad.

Now for the mixing, I felt that it was to focused on the ambiance and not enough background music. I felt more fitting BGM would have helped in allot of scenes. On top of that, allot of the sound effects and mics peaked allot in spots. So work on your leveling. Work on these things and your editing should be looking good.

Overall:
This wasn't really bad nor was it really good. For sure it has pilot status-quo but I see potential in this. Work a bit more on spicing up your writing and working your characters to help your comedy out a bit more. Direct your actors to get their devilries the way you want them, and just keep practicing the better editing / pacing, mixing and overall sound design you should have it down.

Angel Tales Abridged: Unforgettable Bondage by TheGrumpyMage gets a: 2 out of 5

Pros:
? Voices fit their characters
? Pretty good visual editing (aside form the occasional hiccups)
? Has potential jokes

Cons:
? Still weak writing and characterization
? Sound design and mixing needs work
? Inconsistent mics and under deliveries mess it up

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07-15-2013, 09:40 PM
Post: #76
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
(07-15-2013 05:30 PM)MrSkoringo Wrote:  Angel Tales Abridged: Unforgetable
Spoiler(Show)
Bondage by TheGrumpyMage





Background:
So this is probably gonna be my shortest background information ever given in a review. I have never seen Angel Tales. I've just heard about it just recently. I think I may have seen an article on it on AnimeNewsNetwork but it never really interested me. So sorry if I had a hard time understanding what was going on in the parody as a result.

As for this abridged version... I found out about it when it was posted here! So, lets see how it holds up.

Writing:
So the writing here was..... OK I guess. To be honest I felt like allot of lines could have been funnier if they were either delivered better (delivery we will cover more on in the voice acting portion) or written to a funnier degree. I mean I did like a two of the scenes (the scene with the fortune teller and the text messages, the scene of Goro trying finding his glasses, the fake outs when the girls are stalking Goro) but this was brought down by lame or amateur jokes. Wither they be just observations on things or just lamely written or poorly acted (again we'll cover that in a bit). Another thing I found is that the characters (while their back stories covered) didn't have that much character to them. From what I can gather, Goro's just kinda that guy in weird situations, Tsubasa's... a black guy I guess, Ran's the nice girl / straight women among the three, and Kurumi's the sassy one?? As for the rest of the cast there really wasn't much to gather through the performances. I will say though, I was able to tell what was going on and with me being one who has not seen the original source material, that's a good sign. Just work on your characters a bit more and try to spice up your writing and up your comedy, and you'll be solid.

Voice Acting:
So you know how in the last part I kept bringing up the performances and such and said I'd get to it in a bit? This would be the part I'm referring too. I felt like allot of the performances could have worked and been better directed. For the most part, the voices fit (even Tsubasa's surprisingly) but what this lacked in was performance in delivery. The delivery in the lines was weak and they could have been stronger. This will also bring out more in the jokes and have them hit harder. Another problem I had was the inconstancy and quality of the mics. They weren't abysmal or anything but I could definitely tell there were different mics for each of the actors and it made the experience jarring and inconsistent. So you may wanna clean em up. Another issue I had was with the puffiness and pop's for the mics from the male VAs. Investing in a pop filter would be best. And many lines peaked (we'll get to that in the mixing part). Your cast may want to get some new mics or work on the mixing (which we'll get to in a bit).

Editing & Mixing:
In terms of visual editing, this held up fine. I did feel the footage quality could have been better and perhaps the aspect ratio could have been tuned up. But the lip flaps were passable (aside from the occasional hiccup here and there) as were the visual gags. So not to bad.

Now for the mixing, I felt that it was to focused on the ambiance and not enough background music. I felt more fitting BGM would have helped in allot of scenes. On top of that, allot of the sound effects and mics peaked allot in spots. So work on your leveling. Work on these things and your editing should be looking good.

Overall:
This wasn't really bad nor was it really good. For sure it has pilot status-quo but I see potential in this. Work a bit more on spicing up your writing and working your characters to help your comedy out a bit more. Direct your actors to get their devilries the way you want them, and just keep practicing the better editing / pacing, mixing and overall sound design you should have it down.

Angel Tales Abridged: Unforgettable Bondage by TheGrumpyMage gets a: 2 out of 5

Pros:
? Voices fit their characters
? Pretty good visual editing (aside form the occasional hiccups)
? Has potential jokes

Cons:
? Still weak writing and characterization
? Sound design and mixing needs work
? Inconsistent mics and under deliveries mess it up

Ohello. A better review than I had anticipated. Thank you for taking the time to watch and review it, kind sir. This was our first project (ever) involving voice work, editing, the whole shebang. A lot of this was learned as we went~

We've already taken your critique of our script and jokes into account as we begin the script for episode 2, making sure we elaborate on directions, be sure to avoid needless dribble, and make sure each joke is as good as we can possibly make them-- All while staying (mostly) true to the base canon.

I (editor) am constantly messing around with my toolset to try and improve as much as possible in both graphics and sound. As for music, are there any places you could suggest that have a good variety of music that would pertain to projects such as this?

Again, arigatou gozaimasu! When we finish episode 2, may we bring it back here to see once again how we stack up? ^^
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07-17-2013, 02:16 PM (This post was last modified: 07-17-2013 02:16 PM by LightningCrabz.)
Post: #77
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
I have returned once more...




S10's Ghost in the Shell Abridged
My Personal YT Account
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07-17-2013, 04:44 PM (This post was last modified: 07-17-2013 04:54 PM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #78
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Section10's GITSA Episode 5 by Section10Abridged





Seeing as how I have given background info, from your previous episode's review I did earlier here, let's just dive right in!

Writing:
I like what your doing with the GITS series. You do a nice job establishing your characters and giving them distinct personalities which cause them to stand out for one another. I'm bound to get a few laughs whenever Togusa and or Batou in on screen. And I enjoy the other characters and the lines they have. Lots of the dialogue here has me smiling at the least. If any problems I have had with the writing, it'd be that at times it could be too expository and fandubby. I mean I get one is supposed to explain things to help the audiance understand but it felt far to focused on that. That and some scenes through out drag on for a bit long (pacing we'll cover a bit more later). Just keep focusing on making some scenes not so long and

Voice Acting:
Due to the large cast list this time around, I'm just gonna critique this section as a whole. I really enjoyed the voice acting in this episode. All the voices fit their characters and I didn't find any big problems. If any, I'd say that everyone just needs more experience and time with voice work. They got the fitting voices for the most part (per the exception of the few who were multi-casted) and I feel that at this point if they do it more and stride further and further to improve it will be great.

Editing & Mixing:
I have to say the editing here is still really good. Lip flaps and visuals all look nice, the few visual gags and other visuals you had look nice and everything has a nice feel to it. It's not stilted and doesn't do the uncanny valley effect and it just does well.

The overall sound production here was also good. My only problem was that the sound of the bgm and ambiance in a couple areas can be a bit loud and overpowering. Just something to watch while editing. Granted it wasn't distracting but it could have been turned down a bit more.

Overall:
What I think this series needs at this point it experience. Just some good old fashion tweaking and to just keep plugging. Because it's in a good direction with it';s characters and jokes it has, the editing itself holds up just fine, the bgm and ambiance while occasionally a bit loud is all their and placed nicely. I belive that you'll have this well done and perfect after a few minor tweaks and some time doing this. Overall, nice job.

Section10's Ghost In The Shell Abridged Episode 5 by Section10Abridged gets a: out 4 of 5

Pros:
? Good, funny characters and funny moments
? Voice acting still holds
? Great editing

Cons:
? Still some scenes drag or are too expository
? A few voices are samey
? Some bgm and ambiance can be a bit on the loud side

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07-18-2013, 12:47 AM
Post: #79
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
@ MrSkoringo

I guess in all these years of trying to improve, maybe I didn't really think about how I could improve properly...

So I decided that if this vid doesn't exceed your expectations, maybe I shouldn't bother posting for reviews anymore...


I guess unlike other vids I made, I worked really hard by making redos and changing things in the script constantly.
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07-19-2013, 12:48 AM (This post was last modified: 07-28-2013 11:53 AM by MrSkoringo.)
Post: #80
RE: MrSkoringo's Critique Emporium
Chihayafuru Abridged - Episode 2 by SSDrWho





Background:
Chihayafuru was a show that I only have heard about recently with the release of it's second season. It seems pretty fun and harmless. A slice of life show revolving around Karuta (I think that's what it's called) while the characters develop and we get to see their relationships grow. I may consider giving it a try (when I'm not busy with Attack on Titan Blood Lad and Wattamote that is :3)

When it comes to this abridged version, I heard about it when it's first episode was made for 1Kids' Abridged Forums Challenge based on characters, their development and the factor of making him feel more than one emotion during the whole thing. I wasn't quite wowed with the first one but lets see if the second one can wow me.

Writing:
So for this episode I really didn't laugh. Granted I did at least smile at the whole "pick me" cards moment (I'm a sucker for little things like that) but as a whole, I really didn't find this funny. Undecided Allot of the dialogue and "jokes" (if you call them that) were very arbitrary, fandubby and overall bland. I feel like with source material like this that you can work with, there's allot you can do with it. You can find much more comedic possibilities within the source material but your playing it to safe with your writing and characterization. In abridging or any form of parody, you need to take your source material and take liberties with it. Find out the series faults, what you could do with it's characters that are similar or different from it's origins. Lets take for example one of Mel Brook's biggest hit movies, a staple of his career, Spaceballs. The movie overall makes fun of the sci-fi genre and plays with it's characters based on famous Star Wars characters while satirizing Star Wars as a whole. They swap the menacing and evil calculating Lord of Sith Darth Vader with the goofy ineptitude-ridden Lord Dark Helmet. Yoda the wise Jedi Master is replaced by Yogurt master of the Schwartz and salesman of Spaceballs merchandise. Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are merged into one character in with some warped traits in Lone Star. Chewbacca is made into Barf, a fun times loud party dog animal who does more than roar and growl who's Lone Star's best friend. I could go on further with the characters but I'd be getting more off track than I already am. I feel that with your writing in this (as well as your other works), your not taking enough comedic liberties with your characters or dialogue. I understand allot of abridgers like to be "faithful to the source material" and don't wanna change to much of it. But changes which catch your audience off guard and offer comedic possibilities need to be made in which to make a good parody. That and of course "being funny". And I feel you don't quite understand that. I'll try to go even more detail in the Overall section of this critique.

Voice Acting:
So the voice acting in this wasn't too bad. Granted it could have been better but for what it was, I think it held up OK. I enjoyed the performances from Elena Crall and Veritas Pryde's performances as both Chiharus. Ifeel she brought the performances and voice needed for both characters. MinaMinaVA this week has been impressing me with her various roles this week and continues to improve and her role here was alright. NeumanProductions I feel should have been casted for perhaps a few less roles as some of them did have a bit to close of a similarity to them in terms of voice and performance. I like him for the orange haired kid but the others not so much. The rest tho could have used some work. I said this in your previous, you need to direct your actors on their lines. Learn proper acting and direction to get the performance and delivery you want will be key in bringing out the best in your VAs for future episodes and the best in your jokes.

Editing & Mixing:
The editing for this wasn't to bad. I only noticed maybe 2 areas where there were to many or not enough lip flaps but it wasn't distracting. The video quality is also overall good. Aside from the at time awkward pacing, I had no real complaints of the visual editing.

I've brought this up in your previous reviews before, but there were quite a number of issues with your sound design. One of my biggest complaints was that the background music was that it was far to loud. It made allot of the dialogue to hard to hear at times and was distracting. If I may ask, are you using headphones to listen to your audio while editing. If so, I suggest you not use them because your speakers can give u a far more accurate sound of where to level your audio at and is honestly better than headphones. Another thing I'm noticing, again, is the lack of sound effects and ambiance. I mean yeah you maybe doing a slice of life show but you need to put allot of effort into the sound design to give your audience and viewers the impression that they're watching. The overall better your production value, the better your audiences experience will be and the better your product will be.

Overall:
This still has yet to impress me and you have a far way to go. The number one issue I think you have is with your writing. To be good at writing parodies and abridged series, one must have a good understanding of how comedy and parody works and how to apply it to your scripts. To understand comedy, research it. Look up on comedy. We have a thread made by Innagadadavida on making good abridged shows. I would highly recommend finding that thread and studying that for a start as well as researching it any way you can. Another good way to find out comedy is to watch comedic things outside of abridged series. Such as stand up comedians, sitcoms / comedy TV shows and movies, etc. Figure out what makes them funny and how you can apply that to your parodies. You may also need to direct your actors to get the delivery you want. That will give you the impact your jokes should have. And of course, tighten your editing and work on your mixing. You may have been doing this for a long time, but you still have a long way to go.

Chihayafuru Abridged - Episode 2 by SSDrWho gets a: 1 out of 5

Pros:
? Good editing visually (aside form some hiccups)
? Voice work from the main cast is good

Cons:
? Bland and unfunny fandubby writing
? Supporting cast and other cast need improvement and direction.
? Nonexistent and weak audio production

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