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Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
10-05-2012, 04:36 AM (This post was last modified: 10-05-2012 04:37 AM by ssdrwh0.)
Post: #61
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck

Script:
[spoiler]
(Camera shows the nurse entering the floor)

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10-14-2012, 07:18 PM
Post: #62
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
I had a whole review pretty much written out here, but then people spamming shit on Skype made me click the search button pretty much erasing what I had. Let me try to recover what I thought.

Voices:

Spoiler(Show)
If I hadn't been reading the script as I was going along, I wouldn't have understood what the old man was saying at all.

Other than that, your voice acting lacked any sort of energy. It was very dull to listen to and I cringed every time a "yelling" line was coming up because of the whisper screaming. Not only was it energyless, but it was sluggish as well. It pretty much dragged your video on two minutes longer than it needed to be.

Your main character had psycho and crazy directions put next to some of his lines and these "emotions" didn't come through at all in your deliveries. He sounded pretty much the same as when he wasn't crazy or psycho. In short, you need to put more emotion into your voice acting.

Editing:

Spoiler(Show)
Your lipflaps didn't give me much to complain about. They were fairly good as far as I noticed. Correct me if I'm wrong though, but isn't Another an anime that involves people sitting around and talking for scenes on end? If so, why did you keep using the same shots for every line? It got pretty repetitive after a while, which added to the ho-humness of the video.

Your pacing was a bit sluggish as well. Part of this was the delivery problem from before, but there were also quite a few pauses that just didn't make sense.

There wasn't any extra audio, like bgm or sound effects that I remember. Think about it this way: If TeamFourStar didn't use any audio besides their recorded lines throughout DBZA, their product would be lacking a distinct punch that puts them out of our leagues. If you added some, it would really do wonders for your presentation, which, as I've said, is really dull at the moment.

Scripting:

Spoiler(Show)
I like that you went back to the Hetalia/Olympics judging thing. Considering Another was abridged way too many times within it's first week of being out, you needed something that set you apart, and that does it pretty effectively.

Most of the rest of the script didn't really draw any reaction from me though. Part of it was, again, the voice acting, but a lot of it just seemed overly done or filler. The Bloo joke for instance; I'm one of the 2% of people that got exactly what you were going for with that gag, but I still didn't really like it too much. There was a lot of nothing happening in the original episode, it seems, but there was also not a lot happening in the abridged version. Which is boring.

With a series like this, where there's a lot of nothing happening followed by gruesome deaths, you're probably going to have to work on your bantering skills a bit.

Main things: Work on conversational humor, and work on your voice acting.

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Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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10-14-2012, 08:00 PM
Post: #63
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
@ truth.

I thought that Mgoosh01 did a good job with some of the VAs (besides some mishap on background noises). But then again, I may have overlooked those flaws you've picked up. Perhaps I should listen more carefully and tell him about that.

Other than that, this makes me think about going through episode 6's script again.
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10-27-2012, 08:34 PM
Post: #64
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Well, I thought I'd give mine a go on the chopping block


The video might not be 100% accurate to the script, but it should match up most of the time

Spoiler(Show)
*Open with shots of Tokyo 3, faint sounds of alarms in the background*

Announcer: Warning, the city of Tokyo is currently under monster attack number 973. If you are stupid enough to still be standing on the streets, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! RUN, RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!

*Shot cuts to Shinji, who is talking on the phone*

Shinji (on phone): Hi Father

Gendo (on phone): WHO IS THIS?!

Shinji (on phone): it's your son

Gendo (on phone): Oh that's right! I have a son. How's your mother doing?

Shinji (on phone): She's dead

Gendo (on phone): *laughter* That's hilarious! *laughter continues*

Shinji (on phone): She was your wife too father!

Gendo (on phone): *Silence*....don't be a dick Shinji

Shinji (on phone): I thought you needed me for something?

Gendo (on phone): Ah yes, (thinking to himself) What did I need you for? Something about an attack....eh it's probably nothing.

*Plane crashes and explodes, then Misato shows up in a car (music starts playing)*

Misato: Get your act together Shinji - the angels are attacking, humanity is in danger, your dads waiting for you and we're getting the hell out of here!

Shinji: .....wha-

Misato: ARE YOU WHINING ALREADY!?

Shinji: But I haven't even said anythi-

Misato: SHUT UP SHINJI AND GET IN THE GOD-DAMN CAR

*Car drives away while angel floats above them*

Shinji: (scared) You sure you can get away from all this action?!

Misato:(While driving away from angel) Don't you worry, I may not look it but I'm an excellent driver!

*Cut to car lying sideways*

Misato: ....CRAP!

*Intro*

*cut to camera panning across control Room*

Random NERV employee (Holden): A.T field detected and analysis pattern confirmed blue...ITS AN ANGEL!

Random NERV employee 2 (Tristan): Well no shit Sherlock

*cut to shot of Gendo and Fuyutsuki*

Fuyutsuki: So, after 15 years the angels have finally returned

Gendo: ANGELS?!? You mean it's not Godzilla attacking us again?

Fuyutsuki: Sir, Godzilla is a fictional monster

Gendo: LIER! What other possible monster could be attacking Tokyo right now?!

Fuyutsuki: No you see sir, 15 years ago during the second impact is when the angels-

Gendo: (looking at angel, speaking at fast pace) OH-MY-GOD-IT'S-GODZILLA!

*cut to military guys looking at screen*

Soldier: Command, this monster is giving us hell! Please advise us on how to act!

Military guy 3: (Shouting out Quick Fire orders) OK, I got this!

Military guy 3: (Scenes of planes flying around the angel) Copter unit - circle around the monster making yourselves look as dangerous as a group of threatening butterflies!

Military guy 3: (Scene of tanks) Tank battalion - resume bombardment from a far distance like pussies your are!

Military guy 3: (Scene of planes bombing angel) Air support - continue causing as much collateral damage to the city as possible without actually hitting the enemy!

Military guy 3: (Punching the desk) Delta team - take of your pants off and start prancing around like ballerinas!

Military guy 1: Do you know what you've just done?

Military guy 3: Not a clue!

Soldier: Command, this is delta team. The ballerina dance is having no effect!

Military guy 3: Well I'm stumped

Military guy 1: (To Gendo and Fuyutsuki) Oi, you two! You got any ideas?

Fuyutsuki: (shouting back to military guys) Maybe it would be going better if that guy stopped trying to order a pizza

Military guy 3: (On phone) No I said a large pepperoni with extra cheese. What do you mean you don't deliver here?!

Military guy 1: Anything else?

Fuyutsuki: It would probably be best if we fall back for now and come up with a strategy before we do anything stupi-

Gendo: NUKE THE FUCKER!

Military guy 3: NUKE THE FUCKER! (punching down on the desk)

*angel gets nuked*

Fuyutsuki: Sir, you do know the thing has an AT field

Gendo: Godzilla never had an A.T field!

Fuyutsuki: No, the A.T. Field is an impenetrable force-field which Angels can generate, meaning conventional weapons including nuclear weapons used by the military forces are effectively useless in harming....you're not even listening to me are you?

Gendo: Say what now?

Announcer: We have a visual of the target, patching it through now

*bathroom scene of Highschool of the dead pops up on screen "omg how are your boobs so big?"*

Announcer: Sorry, sorry, wrong feed.

*angel pops up on screen*

Military Guy 3: (shouting while standing up) WELL FUCK. A. DUCK

Military Guy 1: Are you even authorised to be here?

Gendo: It looks like you were right about the A.D field

Fuyutsuki: A.T field

Gendo: Thankfully no one important got caught in that blast

*Swipe cut back to Shinji and Misato sitting in a car*

Shinji: What's going on?

Misato: (Casually, said fast so shinji doesnt quite hear it right) Don't worry it's just a little nuclear explosion

Shinji: A what?

*Very Loud explosion with the car rolling*

Gendo: No one at all

*Cut to Shinji and Misato talking at car*

Shinji: How the hell did we survive that?!

Misato: Oh I'm sure people live through massive doses of Gamma Radiation all the time

Shinji: But how did we survived a nuclear explosion by hiding in a car?! It doesn't even make any sense!

Misato: We survived because SHUT UP SHINJI!

*Cut to control room*

Military guy 2: (Speaking to Gendo) Gentlemen, we have exhausted all resources and are out of ideas, so by proper military protocol all power now is transferred to the next biggest douchebag

Gendo: Bitchin! ....wait a minute who are you calling a douche bag?

Military guy 2: You

Gendo: I dare you to say that again!

Military guy 2: You're a douche bag

Gendo: That's what she said

Military guy 2: What who said?

Gendo: Your mum

Military guy 2: Your mum who?

Gendo: Your mum who was with me last night

Military guy 2: You mean your mum who was with me last night

Gendo: No, I mean your grand mum who was with ME last night

Fuyutsuki: I'm surrounded by retards

Gendo: Now all that's left is to get that son of mine

Fuyutsuki: He should be here soon sir, we've sent our best driver to pick him up

Shinji: (While Misato is driving crazily) CAN YOU NOT DRIVE IN A STRAIGHT LINE WOMAN?!

Misato: Sorry about that. The names Misato and I'm here to welcome you to NERV

Shinji: what's NERV?

Misato: (Very serious tone) We're a super classified organisation in charge with combating the angel invasion and protecting the many secrets of mankind that must NEVER reach the light of day

Shinji: What do you mean by that?

Misato: (Very casual tone) Here, read this top secret information pack

Shinji:(looking at pack labeled top secret) errrr are you sure I can read this?

Misato: Did you get the key card your dad sent you?

Shinji: Yeah I did. I messed it up a bit though so I hope it doesn't matter

Misato: Oh I'm sure everything will be fine

Misato: (Looking at a very messed up card key) WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO TO THIS THING?!?!

Misato: By the way can I have my picture back now?

Shinji: What picture?

Misato: You know, that picture I sent to you for a reference?

Shinji: Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr-

*cut to Shinji holding Misato's photo*

Shinji: Misato eh? I wonder what I'm supposed to do with this picture?

*cut to "that" scene in EoE*

Shinji: Where'd all the yogurt come from?

*Cut back to Shinji and Misato*

Shinji: (Proudly) And that's how I lost my virginity!

Misato: Shinji, I'm pretty sure your still a virgin

Shinji: What do you mean?

Misato: Well, you kind of need another woman to lose your virginity

Shinji: But father told me that's how it happens!

Misato: How what happens?

Shinji: When a boy and his right hand love each other very much-

Misato: (Speaking very fast) Ok that's fine I think I've heard enough

Shinji: SO.......my father works here does he?

Misato: (surprised) Oh, so you know what your dad does?

Shinji: Not really

Misato: Neither does anyone else around here.

*cut to Gendo and Fuyutsuki Talking*

Gendo: SOMEONE GET ME A SANDWICH

Fuyutsuki: Sir, lunchtime is in 2 hours

Gendo: DAMMIT!

Fuyutsuki: Shouldn't we be worrying about the angels right now?

Gendo: Fear not, Things may look dire, but I have a master plan that cannot possibly fail!

Fuyutsuki: You mean your gonna use your whiny bitchy ass son who's never had a backbone his entire life, to pilot a giant robot he's never even seen or heard of before, having no prior combat experience to fight one of the greatest threats mankind has ever faced?

*brief pause while they stare at each other*

Gendo: Well if you put it like that anything will sound stupid!

Fuyutsuki: ugggh

*cut to Shinji and Misato meeting Ritsuko*

Misato: (surprised): Ritsuko....what are you doing here?

Ritsuko: You're late

Misato: I thought you were meant to be in the control room?



Ritsuko: (show flashback of her swimming and undressing) Well as head scientist at NERV, its my job to randomly stand around striping in front of the EVA

Misato: (doubting tone) Is that really what you do?

Ritsuko: Well is it still your job to randomly seduce young boys?

*Quick shot of Shinji looking at the two women*

Misato: NO!

Ritsuko: (Looking at shinji) So this is the third child? Looks like a little bitch to me

Misato: He is a bitch sometimes

Ritsuko: Yeah, definitely a bitch

Misato: I mean, this one time while I was driving away from an angel he was screaming so loud like I little bitc-

Shinji: Errrrr guys, I'm standing right here you know

*Both stare at shinji*

Misato: (Telling him off) Don't be a dick shinji

*cut to Gendo and Fuyutsuki talking again*

Fuyutsuki: Are you sure this plan with your son will work sir?

Gendo: Of course I am! What could possibly go wrong?!

*Cut to Gendo talking to Shinji*

Gendo: (shouting at shinji): SHINJI!

Shinji: Dad?

Gendo: PILOT THIS ROBOT

Shinji: No!

Gendo: FUCK!

Gendo: Well there goes that plan. Wait a minute....I have the perfect idea!

Gendo: (shouting even louder): GET IN THE DAMN ROBOT SHINJI

Gendo: Genius

Shinji: (whining) Why are you always shouting at me?

Gendo: Why?! WHY?! My wife is dead, the world is coming to an end and to top it off I have a spineless pussy Son with a bigger vagina than Justin beiber who is so useless he's incapable of even thinking for himself!

Shinji: Was that an insult?

Gendo: No, It was a compliment

Shinji: (short pause)...Thank You

*Everyone stares at Shinji*

Shinji: What?!

Misato: Shinji, you have to do it, the whole world depends on you

Shinji: But why me!?!

Misato: Because only children can pilot the giant robots

Shinji: Why is that?!

Misato: Why?

Shinji: Yeah why?

Misato: It's a fucking anime that's why. The pilots are always whiny little shit children

Ritsuko: Besides, it's a giant robot for Christ sake, what kind of kid doesn't want a giant robot?

Shinji: *whimpy and crying sounds*

Gendo: This is getting us no where. Fuyutsuki!

Fuyutsuki: Yes sir?

Gendo: Commence operation Get-Shinjj-to-pilot-the-Eva-by-using-an-injured-Rei-to-make-him-feel-guilty

Fuyutsuki: You mean operation guilt trip sir?

Gendo: Dammit no on can remember that name!

*Screen changes to Gendo talking to Rei*

Gendo: REI!

Rei: Yes commander Ikari?

Gendo: YOU STILL CRIPPLED AND SHIT?!

*Rei gets wheeled out in front of Shinji*

Shinji: Wait, is it just me or does that girl kinda look like mother....nah probably just my imagination

Misato: Shinji! Don't you get it?! If you don't get in that robot now she'll have to take your place!

*explosion knocks Rei out of bed, Shinji runs to help*

Shinji(holding Rei, concerned): Are you ok?

*Shinji stares at Eva with tense music*

Shinji (talking to himself, gets louder and more determined the more he says it): I musn't run away, I musn't run away, I musn't run away, I musn't run away, I musn't run away,
I musn't run away!

*cut to Shinji on a train*

Announcer: Thank you for using the run away train. We hope you have a pleasant journey.

*faint sounds of a linkin park song playing on shinji's tape recorder*

Gendo: (on tape recorder) Shinji if you're listening to my tape STOP RUNNING AWAY AND GET IN THIS GOD-DAMN ROBOT

Shinji: *sigh*

*Scenes of Eva getting prepared for launch*

Ritsuko: Now I'm only gonna say this once so listen carefully Shinji. (explaining at high speeds) Right joystick for directions, left stick controls evasive manoeuvres, right trigger to shoot, left trigger for secondary weapon, walk by leaning forward, decelerate by leaning back, use your foot pedals to run, the top control panel is used to do a barrel roll and incase yet stuck the ejection password is 55GIYR7LP. Did you get all that?

Shinji: *short pause*...Wait...wha-

Misato: Launch the Eva!

Shinji: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*screams heard while Eva is launching and stops as it hits the top*

Misato (Serious): Ok shinji, don't worry about the angel staring right at you. Take it slowly and start by trying to walk. Just remember whatever you do be sure not to -

*Eva walks and falls over*

Misato (Given Up): Well, we're boned

Ritsuko: Boned

Maya: Boned

Makoto: Boned

Shigeru: (Childishly) Haha, I have a boner

Gendo: Where's my damn sandwich, I thought it was lunchtime already!

Fuyutsuki: Sir, I think we have more pressing matters at hand

Gendo: What could be more important than my sandwich?!

Fuyutsuki: What about Shinji sir

Gendo: Shinji wha now?

Fuyutsuki: You're Son sir

Gendo: Oh I'm sure he's doing fine

Shinji: (getting beat up by angel) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Gendo: SOMEONE GET ME MY SANDWICH

Shigeru (Blood spurting out of the EVA's head): Emergency! The Evangelion is in critical condition! The skull has been pierced!

Misato: What's the status of the pilot?!

Makoto: He's currently passed out in the EVA. Also it seems like some of the LCL inside has been replaced with urine!

Misato (Expectantly): Figures

Shigeru: The Evangelion isn't responding to the microwave frequency controls!

Ritsuko: Check the synchronisation rate!

Maya: The A-10 synapse synchronisation rate is inverting, the pulse is reversing!!!

Misato(Confused):...You what now?

Ritsuko: Have you tried breaking the circuit?

Maya: Negative, the circuit breakers aren't working. The signal is being rejected by the neural network!

Misato:(getting more frustrated) What the hell are you guys talking about?

Maya: Hold on, the harmonic signals I'm receiving have reached resonance!

Misato: Harmon wha-

Shigeru: Gamma analysis has just come in, it's code red!

Ritsuko: But resonance in the third order harmonics can only mean one thing!

Maya: The Evangelion has gone Berserk!

MIsato: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE SAYING? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S GONE BERSERK?

*Cut to EVA unit one running up the angel with epic music. EVA is stopped in it's track by the angel's A.T Field*

Maya: Unit 1 has activated it's own A.T field. It's neutralising the phase space!

Misato: WILL YOU START MAKING SENSE WOMAN!!

*EVA beats up the Angel just before it explodes*

Gendo: (coming up elevator) That was a damn good sandwich!

Fuyutsuki: Sir the angel has just been destroyed

Gendo: What just happened?!

Fuyutsuki: It looks like the angel has suicided into a giant cross

Gendo: Why the hell would it do that?

Maya: maybe, it's something to do with the angels genetic make-up that gives it's death this particular shape

Makoto: or maybe the angels are actually messengers from god

Shigeru: (serious tone) Or maybe all this is all part of a bigger message that symbolises some deeper metaphorical meaning about the angels, religion or perhaps all life as we know it

*silence*

All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*End Credits*

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11-04-2012, 10:14 PM
Post: #65
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Sorry for the wait. It's been a busy week and I usually have to set aside at least an hour to do these critiques. You definitely helped me out by making something that wasn't dumb though.

First things first. I seem to be the only person on this forum that hasn't seen your reviews. It's not because I don't like you or anything; in fact, if Eze et al like them then they must be pretty good. But expectations of that did not get in the way of reviewing stuff here, is what I'm getting at. I can somewhat imagine the differences in going from reviews to parodies, so I can respect the change in mindset that you had to undergo.

Anyway.

Voice Acting and Editing:

Spoiler(Show)
I have one complaint: a few of your actors stumbled over and omitted words that were kind of important for a line. Just to give an example, this

Quote:Shigeru: (serious tone) Or maybe all this is all part of a bigger message that symbolises some deeper metaphorical meaning about the angels, religion or perhaps all life as we know it

came out as this

Quote:Shigeru: (serious tone) Or maybe all this is all part of a bigger message that symbolises something deeper metaphorical meaning about the angels, religion or perhaps all life as we know it.

I dunno if I would've caught that had I not been reading along, or if I wasn't so used to dissecting this things by ear. But it's still a thing. It's not a big deal though; just listen to the lines a bit more closely and get your VA's to make adjustments if need be.

Other than that, you did excellently. Your voice actors did admirably and your editing was solid. You managed to get pacing down on your first try, and that's something that I still have to hammer into people's heads here. You've got good, solid visuals, good pacing, and excellent audio mixing. I can't really ask for more. If anyone could help you improve in editing, it would be Ezekieru or Inna, so go ask them for advice if need be.

Scripting:

Spoiler(Show)
Oozi did a really good job in summing up what exactly you did "wrong" in terms of scripting. Again, this is the first parody you've scripted and you yourself said you didn't know there was a larger "community," so I don't think I can hold it against you too much that there were some overused and stale parts to it. That is to say, I'll hold it against you next time because you know now, but I was not as irritated by it.

That being said, Oozi was right. There were a lot of very predictable, very groan-worthy moments. I think for me, the big one was the "ordering pizza" gag. Dude, if you had any idea how often that joke or some variation thereof has been, done you'd be kicking yourself too. I'm not really sure what your opinion of Evangelion is, besides the fact that it isn't some deep religious metaphor like die hard fans think it is, but it seemed like you made Shinji a very each punchbag and that didn't really go anywhere outside of Character X saying "urgh, Shinji you're a wimp/pussy and I dislike you."

I noticed while reading along that you cut out a lot of stuff in the script, I'm assuming while editing. That's great and you should continue doing it. Most of the stuff you cut out was unnecessary filler and you saved a bit of time and tightened up the pacing of your video by doing it. If you have a weak joke, don't feel too bad about throwing it out, even if it's one that a VA with not a lot of lines is reading. It seems to be a problem with a lot of rookie abridgers that they're afraid of cutting out VAs or asking them to redo stuff, and don't be. Most of them are consummate professionals about that sort of thing and if they're not then they're not worth working with. Bit of a side tangent there, but it is important nonetheless.

As for how to improve though, it's an experience thing. You'll learn it by doing, and for what you have now I'm very very impressed. One suggestion would be to get some feedback on your scripts from someone whose sense of humor you trust. At the risk of pissing off Rebbie, thus far this is the best Evangelion abridged pilot I've seen. You're developing a good, unique style and I hope you do more. There's only one word that adequately describes your pilot:



Feel free to ask the people more advanced in skills.

[Image: DIkziCj.png?1]

Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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11-05-2012, 12:03 PM
Post: #66
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Thanks for taking your time out to critique it.

And no I don't mind that you haven't watched my reviews, in fact the whole reason I joined this community was cause I wanted the opinion of people who haven't seen any of my previous stuff, since I didn't want any expectations to get in the way, either good or bad, and I'm always looking to improve myself in whatever I do.

I've taken everything you and oozi have said as I'm working on episode 2's script now. After being versed a bit more in the whole "abridging" scene and can definitely understand some of the critiques in the writing and predictable jokes, though I still don't intend to stop assigning Shinji as neighborhood punch bag, I guess I'll have to try to be more...clever about it

In all honestly though I've actually been surprised with the reaction from this community. After lurking around the forums for a while I thought there would be alot more holes to pick after I've seen how painfully....honest everyone could be xD.

I'm glad you enjoyed it though, and I hope I don't disappoint with the next episode.

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11-06-2012, 11:02 AM
Post: #67
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Don't worry, it takes a lot to disappointing us folks on here.

Thanks for all the good times.
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11-15-2012, 12:19 PM
Post: #68
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
I'm gonna try doing an experiment here folks.

Starting with whomever posts their stuff in this thread next, I will begin using a numerical rating system to help judge your post. I feel like this can help people better understand "where they're at," and I'm going to try to restore some sanity and consistency to using a number scale. The difference between what I'll be doing and what a lot of others have been doing is that I will attempt to minimize arbitrariness. And I'm gonna do this by telling you upfront how my number system will work.

It'll be a 10 point scale, measured in .5 point increments. 5 points on this scale will be dedicated to writing, 3 will be dedicated to editing, and 2 will be dedicated to voice acting. A "competent" score will be between 5 and 7 points out of 10. Everything above that is outstanding. The reason for this division is so that a video with excellent presentation but a shitty script will almost never rate as "competent." Conversely, a person's script would have to be perfect to make up for a lousy presentation.

It will be extremely rare that a parody gets a score in any category within a single point of the maximum score. That is to say, you really have to have superb voice acting to get more than more than 1 point for voice acting, and you have to go above and beyond to get more than 2 points for editing. To be blunt, for most of the people that even I would consider to be consistently worth watching, a 7/10 would be the highest possible score unless you really wow me.

So how exactly will things be judged in each category?

In editing, I'll be judging based on lipflaps, scene consistency, pacing, audio mixing and leveling, and other various variables that I probably won't be able to bring up until you screw them up. If you can do lipflaps consistently, you'll get .5 easy. If you know how to pace your video, use scene consistency and decent quality footage, and can do adequate audio mixing and leveling I'll probably give you a 1.5/3. The other half of that is things like video mood, using your bgm to enhance your scenes, flow, things like that.

For voice acting, it'll be divided into audio quality, delivery and the appropriateness of the voices used. Falsettos will almost always take away points. If you can show the right emotion and hit the right delivery with a decent sounding mic and appropriate voice, you'll get at least a 1 every time. 1.5s and 2s are for those that really rise above the rest.

Scripting, I'll admit, is the portion where it is very difficult to completely eliminate arbitrary scoring. You're basically at the mercy of whatever I find to be funny, which is a lot of things. Here I'm looking for originality, concision, comedic timing, jokes, good dialog, and whether or not something's really a parody rather than a Youtube poop. If you can avoid all of the ordinary pitfalls of scripting, groan-worthy jokes and lazy writing, you'll get at least a point or a point-and-a-half for effort. If you can keep me consistently amused, while having everything previously said, you can get 2-3 points. For the people who really go above and beyond with their creativity, their timing, their word usage, and of course, their comedy, then those are what the 3.5-5 scale is for.

So taking what a minimally adequate score would be for all three, 1, 1.5 and 2-3, I'm expecting average scores to range from 4.5-5.5 on this scale. If you can get a 5, you've got the fundamentals and you're, honestly, probably aware enough of what you need to improve that you may not even benefit from my critiques.

Alright, now, what are some examples of "outstanding" videos as opposed to "competent" ones or "less than competent" ones.

Innagadadavida's Metabridged 2 is an outstanding one. I'd give his editing a 2.5/3, taking away .5 because I don't care for Ireka's pitch change and sometimes it's hard to make out what Medabee says. Voice acting I'd give 1.5 because there are a few dings here and there with the quality. Writing is 4.5. Because it's original, it's hilarious and quotable, it's consistent, the lines are exactly as long as they need to be, etc. Put together that's 8.5.

The scripting is really what made it outstanding. Had the editing and voice acting only been adequate as opposed to really elaborate, it would have still been highly competent with a 7.0. The great presentation however, really contributes and that's what I'm hoping that this scale will eventually show.

An example of one that is competent, is Deathlymuffins' Yu Yu Haku Show. Ben's voice acting suffers a bit, as a lot of people give him crap for, but he makes up for it with good costars, so 1/2. His editing is great, but he needs to work on his transitions a bit and some of his audio could use work, so 2/3. But his writing is really what sells it. He's funny, quick-witted, his characters are well rounded and the dialog is great, so I'd give that a 3-3.5. The total then is 6-6.5/10, which is a few steps short of outstanding, but still consistently good and one that I really enjoy.

One that would be less than competent, would probably be that Squid Girl parody. The voice acting was good, so 1/2. Editing was good, and there were a few decent visual effects, so I'll be generous with 2/3. The script was bland, though. There weren't really any funny parts, though I will admit I thought that rekilling the kid was a bit amusing, and they didn't fall into any obvious jokes, so I'll give them a point. That's 4/10, which means that if they really bolstered their script next time, they could be considered competent. Granted, I wasn't putting as much thought into this as I was the other two, so I probably have given them more points than what they deserved.

And that is how I'll implement a rating system. It's experimental for now, just to see if I can do it. If it works, then great, if not, then that probably shows that numerical scales just don't cut it.

Well, let's see how it goes then.

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Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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11-15-2012, 12:39 PM
Post: #69
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Sounds like shit just got real. I thought I was a was a harsh judge but you're a strong contender, no doubt. Can't wait to present my completed episode to you now.

S10's Ghost in the Shell Abridged
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11-15-2012, 01:06 PM
Post: #70
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck

[Image: tumblr_m6gtjmsych1rud4noo1_500.png]

Chances are, if you're reading this, it's after reading a ridiculously long post by me, something harshly phrased or confrontational, and/or me being stupid. I want to apologize for my above post, and end this signature with a quote of wisdom to soothe your soul.

"Ho ho..hoho hoho..santa for the wondering thismust be a joke in your series!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1"
~A scholar beyond his time

[10:10:35 PM] Airrest (Eric): YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG
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11-19-2012, 10:16 PM (This post was last modified: 11-19-2012 10:16 PM by Truthordeal.)
Post: #71
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Pokemon 'Bridged 15 by the Pokemon 'Bridged Gang.

I think you guys are the first really "popular" group I've reviewed on here, and probably the first group that doesn't suck already. So, let's see how that goes.

Editing:

Spoiler(Show)

The one thing really worth mentioning is the color correction, and only because it raises an ethical quandary. You were right when you said that if you hadn't mentioned it, no one except maybe Eze or Inna would've noticed, and that includes me. Since I wouldn't have noticed had I not known about it, and therefore wouldn't have counted it in your favor, I probably would've given a 2.5 at most. But knowing about it, and the effort it took, and how it really improved the presentation, I want to give you a 3. I dunno what'd be most fair in the end.

But then I remembered that I saw this beforehand on Skype, so it wouldn't be fair either way. So, 3/3. Lipflaps, audio, pacing, everything else was perfect.


Voice Acting:

Spoiler(Show)

Three voices really stood out in this episode, and those were Oak, Tracy and Max. Not only were they dead ringers for the original voices, but they also fit the character extremely well even if you hadn't seen the original. And I don't think Tracy would have been nearly as funny without the voice you gave him.

Otherwise, you three and Airrest are always clear, clean and masterful delivery wise. 2/2.


Writing:

Spoiler(Show)

This is probably the best written episode of Pokemon 'Bridged since you started. It was really a creative idea and by jumping ahead 200 episodes or so I can safely say that no one saw it coming. Even the "frame story" of Ash having a dream was handled really well. And of course, the Tracy and Max bits were hilarious.

There was one thing that bugged me though, that didn't before. Every time I watched this before I pretty much laughed the whole way through, but this time the "10 year olds having sex" bit struck me as a bit creepy. Dunno if it's because I'm being more analytical this time around or what, but it stuck out.

Even with that though, a solid 4/5 for scripting.


Total:

Spoiler(Show)

This episode gets a 9.0/10. Very solid overall. And just to use Oozihobo's rating chart(which he made so that I could use):

[Image: Abridging_RubricPoke.png]


So yeah. This episode is pretty much the reason why you're so highly regarded around here. Or rather, why we've put up with you as long as we have. Skype Cool

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Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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12-25-2012, 01:23 AM
Post: #72
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck

Submitting this shit.

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12-27-2012, 12:51 PM
Post: #73
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Alright, I've torn myself away from TWEWY. Let's get this done.

Since you didn't post your script with it, I'll give my typical live reaction things.

Live Reaction:

Spoiler(Show)
:14--That was almost groanworthy, but the last minute "No you won't" saved it somewhat.

:41--That might not have been the best shot to use for that line, especially the way FalconFlyer delivered it.

1:31--Two things. First, I like how you explained it over how the original did. Second, this is my third time watching and I just now noticed that he has a phone in that shot. Even though it's not the best choice, editing wise, I still can't hold it against you because I didn't notice it before.

1:38--Was not ten minutes, it was about one.

2:30--That was great, in a "I wish I had done that" way.

2:47--Eh. That was unnecessary and distracting more than anything. Also why is it irrelevant?

4:17--So that's probably the best work I've ever heard Atticus do. Really knocked it out of the park with that one. But it's kinda clashing in how serious it is. The "rainbow in the dark" line works decently because he's delivering it in such a deadpan way.

4:26--Even if it was a bit inconsistent, I like the shots you chose here. It would have been very easy to have just used a still frame there and had her come in that way, and yet you chose some dynamic shots.

4:58--Neh.

5:10--"Maybe you'll convince her otherwise?" Doesn't really seem to fit in with the rest of the conversation.


Editing:

Spoiler(Show)

Top-notch stuff, as is expected from Eze. Pacing was solid, the visuals were dynamic and interesting, the effects you used were, for the most part, seamless and well integrated. There were a couple shots where there was some inconsistency, but it's not readily noticeable if you don't watch it more than once or with a critical eye. In fact, the scene consistency is actually pretty admirable. I know from the original that the teacher actually isn't in the scene in the apartment, and the fact that you were able to include her without it looking stupid really worked well. One part that was a bit jarring was the bgm that comes on during the final scene. Not only does it sound a bit off given the mood, but it also comes on relatively loudly, and while I can still hear the dialog over it, it surprised me enough to knock me out of the video.

2.3/3.0 for editing.

Voice Acting:

Spoiler(Show)

Stephan said that the voices at times sounded kind of unenergetic, but I didn't really get that feeling. Overall I thought it was pretty solid; lots of silly voices you'd expect from a parody, but nothing really extraordinary. Until you got to Atticus as the Frog-Doctor. He really shined for doing the "serious" acting bit. I'll give you a point in the "exceptional voice acting" category just for that part. Though, like I said above, it was kinda weird alternating between him and your Index "silly voice," but that was a directorial decision more than a voice acting one. Either way,

1.1/2.0 for voice acting.

Scripting:


Spoiler(Show)

I said on Skype when you showed it to me that it seemed pretty solid. And it was. It was entertaining, the presentation was great, and a lot of the jokes worked. I think that the main thing is that though there wasn't a lot wrong with the scripting, there wasn't a lot that was exceptionally good either. I mentioned how the first joke was kind of groan-worthy, and even though you saved it from being entirely bad, it still wasn't that strong. The dialog was wonky at times, and in particular I mentioned a line from the Frog-Doctor, "Maybe you'll convince her otherwise," that didn't really fit in context. Or maybe it did, from a very specific angle. Either way, I can't be the only one that thought it was out of place. Your scripting overall was good, and at points it was pretty great, but it wasn't really good enough to break above the 3 point range.

3.0/5.0 for scripting.

And here's the chart that Oozihobo made for me:

Spoiler(Show)

[Image: Abridging_RubricIndex_zps9346e3b5.png]

Total is 6.4/10.0.

[Image: DIkziCj.png?1]

Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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12-31-2012, 08:47 AM (This post was last modified: 12-31-2012 08:47 AM by Ezekieru.)
Post: #74
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Quote:5:10--"Maybe you'll convince her otherwise?" Doesn't really seem to fit in with the rest of the conversation.

Well, it's referencing Index, as she's the one wanting Touma to pretend he doesn't have amnesia. I figured the wording was good, considering it's technically the same scene as before the ending title card.

Aside from that, thanks for the crit! Hopefully 5 will have more moments that will wow you.

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02-08-2013, 10:32 PM (This post was last modified: 06-22-2013 09:25 PM by ssdrwh0.)
Post: #75
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck

If you need the script for it, I'll send it in later on...

Edit: Damn, I can't believe I 4got to put the script in! Oh well, you can ignore this vid anyway.
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05-25-2013, 05:01 PM (This post was last modified: 05-25-2013 05:04 PM by CrasherSurge.)
Post: #76
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
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06-19-2013, 11:24 PM
Post: #77
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck

[Image: DIkziCj.png?1]

Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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06-20-2013, 12:42 AM
Post: #78
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck

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06-20-2013, 03:36 PM (This post was last modified: 06-21-2013 12:55 AM by deathlymuffins.)
Post: #79
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck

Trained at the top of Mt Abrudged for 3 years; I'm back and more powerful than ever!
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06-20-2013, 03:42 PM
Post: #80
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Could you post the text of your script with it?

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Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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