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Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
01-14-2015, 01:38 AM
Post: #161
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Truth can come off as harsh sometimes (Except to me because he's my baby doll now.) But you really got to pay attention to what he's actually saying. Again, this is your first project, you are going to make mistakes, but you always got to do your best to locate them. If you have the time, try and read all of his reviews, and all of MrSkoringos. Make dot points! Sometimes our biggest flaws are the ones we just don't realise! as soon as we do, they can become assets.

Here's my general tips for a first episode.

1. Don't EVER think of comedy as subjective. Even if it is. If you ever have a moment were you say, "Well, some people will laugh" Bin it.

2. Ambiance. This is my personal tip list, and for me, nothing ruins a video more than silence. even if the joke is awkward silence, have room noise. It's important.

3. Don't do Awkward Silence jokes. They always lead to "...What?" Jokes.

4. Understand what a joke is. Set up, punchline, effect. Make sure you always have these.
People often forget about effect. if what ever you're doing doesn't have an effect on the characters around it, you're better off just doing a monologue. This is one of the reasons big bang theory isn't funny. they play the laugh track and move on. NO! you have to have your characters RESPOND!

5. Don't mix up reaction with punchline.

6. mix up your shots a little. It goes a long way to have different angles when a character is speaking.

7. REFERENCES.
Can be okay. What you have to understand is that a reference can never be the joke. you can layer it on top of another joke, and all you're doing is making that joke funnier for a select few. but If you make the reference be the meat and potatoes of what you're doing, you're doing it wrong.
And example of this done correctly is in the intro to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz8lA3gbcjI
Basically, the idea is that immediately after calling someone a cunt, it jumps right to incredibly high energy pop rock. That's funny in itself. It's even funnier if you're aware of TFS's DragonballZ abridged.

But it's super hard to do naturally, so just don't bother with them.

8. Anime sucks. Try not to talk about it in your abridged series. It's a dirty habit that most of us don't need and want to be reminded of. It's why Homophobes don't go to broadway, and they don't play showtunes at the Rugby.

9. Source video. if you have a watermark, get new footage.

10. Don't think for a second that just because you're doing an abridged series, that you lose creative control. NO! Do whatever you want. if you have photoshop, it's not that difficult to fiddle with scenes to give you what you need.

Hope this helps.
I'm stealing the Stalking Binoculars joke though.
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01-14-2015, 12:44 PM (This post was last modified: 01-14-2015 01:32 PM by Korstonesword.)
Post: #162
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
(01-13-2015 05:25 PM)Truthordeal Wrote:  Ordinarily I have a rule against reading scripts from people. Without the context of the footage and the delivery behind it, I'll probably overlook things that might be humorous. For example, if you read a Three Stooges script, it would probably look like shit. Mostly though, I don't because when I did so regularly in the past, people would either ignore my advice, wasting more time, or take my advice and misunderstand my logic and do something equally bad but with my supposed blessing. Either way, I got the blame for bad videos.

Thank you very, very much! Big Grin I don't really have much to say I suppose, except I'll do my best to follow your advice (and even if the end result sucks, hopefully it'll suck just a little less.) I knew that I probably had to do a lot of rewriting, but I honestly wasn't sure where to start on a lot of stuff (and I don't have a lot of friends who have any skill in providing critique), so this provides a nice place to work off of (i.e. from the ground up again). I'll be sure to read into time, and I appreciate you wasting your time on a newbie like me.

(01-14-2015 01:38 AM)spritestuff Wrote:  Truth can come off as harsh sometimes (Except to me because he's my baby doll now.) But you really got to pay attention to what he's actually saying. Again, this is your first project, you are going to make mistakes, but you always got to do your best to locate them. If you have the time, try and read all of his reviews, and all of MrSkoringos. Make dot points! Sometimes our biggest flaws are the ones we just don't realise! as soon as we do, they can become assets.

I appreciate this as well! I'll keep these points in mind. I'm going to try and be as thorough as possible (anything I think might be remotely unfunny I'm going to cut), so hopefully the final product will be something I can be proud of. I think my initial problem with this first draft was I was trying to stick to close to scene-for-scene parodying what was happening in the original episode, so I ended up limiting myself to poor jokes (not that scene-for-scene parodying can't be done well, it just wasn't done well here Tongue)

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01-14-2015, 07:54 PM
Post: #163
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
(01-14-2015 01:38 AM)spritestuff Wrote:  8. Anime sucks. Try not to talk about it in your abridged series.

Man. This is pretty much the best way to tell people to not do annoying weeb shit in an abridged series.

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"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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01-15-2015, 07:59 PM
Post: #164
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck

You are what you put your time into.

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01-15-2015, 10:22 PM
Post: #165
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Also, "My name is Main Character, and here are my flaws..."

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Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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01-26-2015, 01:04 PM
Post: #166
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Hey Sexy, review this short bastard for me. I took some critiques from some Skype friends, and from these forums. Now, to make this a bit different (or not different; fuck if I know), I'll post my own opinion on this video, to see if I am correct. I'm not trying to to come off as pompous or biased, I just need to know if what I am thinking; is what others may be thinking, as well. I suggest to watch the vidya first, before reading what I gotta say; may contain spoilers (for a yaoi theme'd parody who the fuck cares me, i do).





Spoiler: clikkk me(Show)
I personally think it's a very solid short, each build up has a satisfying joke or gag. Every moment can be a comedic moment, be it a transition scene that would normally be just an introduction to characters followed by a wipe, or an intro with some hidden content (and not so hidden content). The scenes are quick, but there is time to laugh and continue listening, as to not miss any lines... And as for the SFX, some may view the non-echoey voices in a bathroom 'unreal', but I found that bathroom echo and 'mind/thinking echo' share very similar sound, and would confuse viewers. The only time I DID add voice echo was at the very end, to 'enunciate' the impishness of the gag.

Some bits that may annoy or put off viewers, is how childish and one subject-sided the jokes are (very sexualized), however; the theme of the anime /should/ be rather apparent, and I think the jokes fit well for the setting. Overall, I think this rivals that of my Ha x Ha #1. Obviously not in terms of story, but in terms of general presentation (editing, pacing, gags).

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01-27-2015, 11:49 PM
Post: #167
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
I told you you were too good for this sinful thread, but since you came up with a different video and a pretty interesting twist on reviewing this, I'll bite.

Here's my impressions (prior to reading your self-critique):

Spoiler(Show)
I wasn't too fond of the subject matter, but given the source material I don't fault you for it. Everything on the execution side is fine; pacing, voice work, editing, sfx. If it's an aberrant kind of parody then it was fine for what it is, but anything more with this would probably extend the gag too far. Good work keeping it at 2 minutes, because my attention really started faltering after about the hundredth time the mermaid man said "human." I'm also not sure an opening was needed for it.

tl;dr: It was solid for what it was, but I would probably not like more of it.

Having now read your summary, here's my take:

You didn't really write jokes, you wrote conversations. You made most moments grinworthy, mostly through the delivery. I'm very rarely a fan of the "slur your words and talk like a dumbass" school of voice acting, but it was fine for this bit. I don't really feel strongly about the vocal echo, but I can see your reasoning for not using it.

[Image: DIkziCj.png?1]

Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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02-25-2015, 10:50 AM
Post: #168
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
I must learn the ways of the "not sucking".


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02-27-2015, 07:04 PM
Post: #169
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Alright. I've been waiting for this one. Here comes the pain!

[Image: fNzXWT6.gif]

Scripting:

Spoiler(Show)

[Image: F5Np88l.gif]

Let's start at the beginning.

The "expository bullshit" scene had a huge amount of potential, and I'd say you ended up utilizing about 50% of it. The structure of it was great; lead in with the plot stuff to get it out of the way, then build it up to them irreverently photoshopping terrible things into the slide show. I kind of wish you had taken it just a bit further though, with either a few more shots or with slightly more relevant visual cues than Awesome Face. I guess I should be lucky that it's not a trollface. The Godzilla one is brilliant, though I would not have caught it without the roar in the background. There's more, but I'll get into that later.

Moving on.

The chess scene got a quick pop from me with the "I'll be done quickly" transition, but that's it. For what it's worth, I don't think I've ever seen anybody do this scene really well. It's just kind of random and no one ever seems to contextualize it. It's always just kind of there.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna do this scene-by-scene. Mostly because all of the scenes kind of blend together, but anyway.

This is all very by the numbers. Use this joke here, use that throw away line here, make this type of joke because Jeremiah's on screen, keep in this irrelevant stuff. You don't want to be compared to other Code Geass parodies, and I respect that. But you haven't done anything worth separating yourself from the ilk, besides your pretty badass editing. I kind of want to put in a laugh track just to keep the transitions between jokes that less awkward.

Your writing isn't irredeemable, but it is severely bland, and being bland is one of the worst things to find yourself being, because there's no easy and ready solution. I can't just tell you "be funnier" or "be better." It's an unfortunate thing, but I don't see Code Geass 2 being 100% better. It's the type of writing thing you have to overcome with experience, learning and developing your own humor. That last bit is crucial, because it's easy to do what everyone else is doing and lose yourself.

Fortunately, I've diagnosed people with critical blandness before in this thread. Browse some of the earlier entries where I mentioned this problem and I'm sure what advice I gave there is still gonna be useful.

Other low points:

-"It's a Gundam, I mean Knightmare Frame." Fuck you.
-The dialog leading up to Jeremiah saying "that was unorthodox." I just don't get it.


Voice Acting:

Spoiler(Show)

[Image: a0bC8ck.gif]

The points where I thought you made a good joke or a singularly cool piece of dialog were heavily damaged by the overall lack of enthusiasm in the voice work. I pulled aside the opening skit in the writing portion, and I'm gonna hammer on that one again because it had so much potential. C.C.'s delivery was dull and dragging, and that shorted out any momentum you were building up to the punchline. The others in that scene were alright as far as I can tell, but considering only one person said one thing, it's not a hard standard to meet.

Aside from that, almost none of the characters ended up revealing anything resembling an emotion through the voice work. None of them sounded angry or sad or happy, just kind of mildly indifferent. I hate to pick on C.C. again, but her jumping out and shouting "no you can't kill him!" should have sounded like she was...well, shouting. Another example is with Kallen and Okita. Neither of them sound anything but vaguely annoyed when they keep getting on each other's nerves.

Thankfully this one is easier to tell you how to fix. I've used the phrase "bring it more" in various other reviews I've done that had this exact same problem. When I say "bring it more," what I mean is basically that I want you to do this:

[Image: tumblr_ml3gnqK2O41s96r3to1_400.gif]

You need to get into that no-fear zone, where you can let it fly. You (as in your entire team plus you) are holding yourselves back from emoting, and it's hurting your script. It might be that you're not used to voice acting and you have to work out the kinks, or if you just feel timid, but you've gotta break it. Trust me, I have the world's most boring voice in the world; my normal speaking voice has absolutely no energy in it. But when I break out of that groove, then people have been able to drag somewhat decent performances out of me. You as the director need to be able to do that as well.



Editing:

Spoiler(Show)
[Image: yCqes.gif]

There wasn't much wrong with the editing. Your visuals are pretty well put together. Some of your sound effects (i.e., the footsteps) sounded a bit lame, but otherwise I can't complain too much.


Overall:

Spoiler(Show)

[Image: 17197%20-%20autoplay_gif%20brock_lesnar%...%20wwe.gif]

A pretty unimpressive script, a very lackluster cast of voice actors and some otherwise neato editing walked into a bar. They got drunk, had sex and somehow got pregnant and birthed that video. The video wasn't very athletic. It wasn't very smart, and it wasn't all that good looking either. It wasn't lazy, dumb or ugly, it just kind of existed.

Like most people.

But even the most unnoteworthy subjects can improve over time, and in any event, children are like a etch-a-sketch; if it doesn't work out the first time, just shake it and start all over.

And with that, I bid you adios...


















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[Image: DIkziCj.png?1]

Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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04-14-2015, 09:01 PM
Post: #170
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
I will admit, Truth, you terrify me. Which is why I want to know what we did better in this episode and anything we can improve on and I believe nobody will tell me in a harsher/clear truth than you will... so here goes nothing:




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05-04-2015, 06:37 PM
Post: #171
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
I'm gonna be honest with you Nos. I've been putting off watching and reviewing this because every time I try to watch it, the animation annoys me so much that I just...ragequit. Yeah, ragequit. I just slam the tiny x in the corner and pretend I didn't know Sailor Moon Crystal existed. Even when I take for granted that your editing is ok, close my eyes and treat it like a radio play, I can just feel the terrible art staring back at me, plotting my downfall and stealing my innocence.

The audio's fine though, which is cool. Voice acting, sound design, all good. The writing has branched out a bit from the typical, though nothing quite hit the funny bone.

I do feel bad, and wish I could go into more depth and actually be helpful, but I just cannot look at that thing.

[Image: DIkziCj.png?1]

Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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05-04-2015, 11:49 PM (This post was last modified: 05-04-2015 11:50 PM by ThornBrain.)
Post: #172
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
Mind giving a critique of the latest Sgt Frog Abridged? It's been over a year since the last episode and at least half a year since we did any abridging. I want to get back into the swing of it so that this season goes strong.

A couple notes:
  • In case you haven't been following the series: The first half is the continuation of the arc we have going where the platoon is under attack by the Shurara Corps, while the second half is the culmination of a joke we've had running underneath the plot of Tamama being pregnant. I considered keeping them separate episodes, but this season is looking to logically be the series' last, and I don't want to stretch it out any longer than the Shurara arc itself would take. Besides, it was either that or leaving a certain scene as a fart joke.
  • The episode used for the second half had only two sources I could find: a low-quality Korean version with a watermark in the corner, and a really good Japanese version that opened with a wall of text that lasts around 10 seconds and covers everything. FYI in case you notice a bizarre quality change; it was unavoidable.



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05-05-2015, 04:49 PM
Post: #173
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
(05-04-2015 06:37 PM)Truthordeal Wrote:  I'm gonna be honest with you Nos. I've been putting off watching and reviewing this because every time I try to watch it, the animation annoys me so much that I just...ragequit. Yeah, ragequit. I just slam the tiny x in the corner and pretend I didn't know Sailor Moon Crystal existed. Even when I take for granted that your editing is ok, close my eyes and treat it like a radio play, I can just feel the terrible art staring back at me, plotting my downfall and stealing my innocence.

The audio's fine though, which is cool. Voice acting, sound design, all good. The writing has branched out a bit from the typical, though nothing quite hit the funny bone.

I do feel bad, and wish I could go into more depth and actually be helpful, but I just cannot look at that thing.

No biggie, I can totally understand.
I will submit something when I have something else than Crystal going on, which I am considering at the moment. Thanks for the short feedback \o

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05-07-2015, 02:24 AM
Post: #174
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
SGT. Frog abridged episode 21, 7 minutes 2 seconds. The baby is playing with an HG Gyan. That is a rare and delicate model. Please add a trigger warning next time I was very startled.

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08-14-2015, 12:56 AM
Post: #175
RE: Truthordeal's Thread on Learning How to Not Suck
[Image: QmZBsEP.gif]

This thread is officially closed.

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Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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