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TwooGiz Criticks
07-07-2012, 12:16 PM
Post: #1
TwooGiz Criticks
So you already had your episode critiqued? Multiple opinions are for the better good.

Quick, ruthless, and ultimately here to help you out. I'll tell you what I liked, what I didn't like and how I think you can improve.

(02-18-2012 12:30 PM)Airrest Wrote:  There's a certain charm to it that I don't think most people, even on this forum, are going to get or like.
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07-07-2012, 12:23 PM
Post: #2
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
I've whored this out in everyone so far, well here it is again/


"Your stuff is pretty good, but it's no TeamFourStar. Be more like them!"- My supportive roommate.

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07-12-2012, 09:28 PM (This post was last modified: 07-28-2012 10:48 AM by TwooGiz.)
Post: #3
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Abridging in a Deadman Wonderland by TheHawk

My main problem with this video was the voice acting. The voices were fine but the "emotion" or the energy behind the voices wasn't. It's very hard for anyone to get the right energy in a character. Don't get me wrong though this is much better than your earlier videos but it's going to take awhile to find your sweet spot. Hell I've been doing abridging since '09 and I still miss mine somtimes but maybe that's because I suck.

The first scene with the G-Cup lady is probably the best scene in the video. The jokes at this part were the best, Ex: G-Cup talking about playing house. The only other part that I think is worth mentioning is "That joke is in terrible taste" near the beginning. Other than those 2 parts I didn't get much enjoyment out of the video.

I've noticed that you've strayed away from the fandubbishness of your Now and Then Abridged and Parodied video which I'm glad you have but most of the jokes you used were just bad. The pedophile joke in the middle was just meh. Pedo jokes seem like they've been over done unless you're going to go over the top with them just calling someone a pedo isn't funny.

You're pretty new in the abridging world and you'll get better over time but how to get better fast? There isn't really a genuine way. Making more content always helps improving but (I'm going to steal advice from Eze) finding things that make you laugh and figuring out why they were funny and incorporating that into your series is a good way to make sure your jokes are good. I'd try to stay clear of abridging comedy though you'd probably just copy purpleeyes and make a shit MENT series. You could also bounce the script to a few friends and get their opinions. Voice acting wise try to record with other people who are in the video. If you can't do that then try getting pumped before hand eat a bunch of sugar or drink an energy drink. Showing the completed video off to a few friends isn't a bad idea either.

Overall I'd give Abridging in a Deadman Wonderland a 4 out of 10.

Did I do this right?

(02-18-2012 12:30 PM)Airrest Wrote:  There's a certain charm to it that I don't think most people, even on this forum, are going to get or like.
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07-13-2012, 08:44 PM
Post: #4
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Seems like your doing it right


Thanks for all the good times.
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07-26-2012, 10:36 PM (This post was last modified: 07-31-2012 07:57 AM by TwooGiz.)
Post: #5
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Baccano! Teh Abridged Series! Ep. 11 (Series Finale) by Mattroks101

I felt like I've seen this episode before but this was my first time watching it. The running gags in this series were good but as time has gone on I can predict some of the characters dialogue. The Walrus joke was great the first time but now it's poo poo. The pills guy always says "blah blah blah my pills! blah blah blah PILLS!" The old guy is my favorite character but even he became predictable too with his Walmart greeters.

Matt your voices were great like always but when the characters are all saying the same things over and over again the great voice acting can't pick up the bad jokes. I'm going to blame this on your improv/no script agenda which I use myself quite often but the way you are using it is wrong (not saying I do it right either). You use the same jokes over and over with the same characters. When you see that character you see that joke. You have to make new jokes every episode for characters and maybe once an episode you could pull out the running gag for that character instead of every time.

I really enjoyed the procrastination scene. You used procrastination really well in your Gungrave thing and it worked I think even better here. To lazy to kill someone... HA! All the other jokes (that weren't running gags) were okay but none worth mentioning. I did like the 'Where they are now' thing at the end though.

Overall this wasn't your best in Baccano Teh Abridged Series but that's over now. Time for Gungrave Teh Runied Series (I liked the pilot) to take over. Just try not to label characters with a few jokes in Gungrave like you did in Baccano and I think you'll have it made.

5 out of 10 for Baccano! Teh Abridged Series! Ep. 11 (Series Finale).

Sorry for the late response been busy with the Steam Summer Sale.

(02-18-2012 12:30 PM)Airrest Wrote:  There's a certain charm to it that I don't think most people, even on this forum, are going to get or like.
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07-27-2012, 04:00 PM
Post: #6
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Yeah, as time went on the series slowly degraded to the characters being extremely one note. I'm glad it's finally over.

Thanks for all the good times.
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07-28-2012, 01:24 AM
Post: #7
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
ya know what... Hit me with it, Two. I know what Truth said, but I'm just too damn curious. That, and it looks like this thread needs moar attention

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07-28-2012, 10:47 AM (This post was last modified: 07-31-2012 07:58 AM by TwooGiz.)
Post: #8
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Naruto Shippuden Abridged Episode 2 by TeamShippudenSquad

Right away I can tell this was written by Naruto fans who want to stick some jokes in their show from the actual show. Bad idea. Jokes from the original show are jokes everyone already knows and it won't make them laugh. Sakura has small tits... anyone who even knows about Naruto would find that joke in poor unoriginal taste.

I also noticed that you had some pretty well know VAs like Sydsnap and XxxBloodXxx. Sydsnap did pretty good but I felt Blood was lacking. I doubt it was his fault though. I'm going to call out the directer (CrashSurge) on this one. It seemed like all the voices tried to match the original character voices. Which isn't always a bad thing but the jokes have be executed in that voice and it felt like some lines couldn't be done right while in that particular voice (I'm talking mainly Kakashi here) especially the closing line.

Two parts I thought were creative and are worth mentioning. The Lion King thing fit in pretty well and for some reason I didn't see it coming. The scene of Garra and his followers discussing about their internet actually got me to laugh. I also feel that Sasori and Deidara have some potential for later on. Although I'm afraid that Deidara will become too annoying.

This series seems a bit on the fandubish side but in reality that's how TFS is and look at where they are now. I would suggest letting VAs go outside the boundaries sometimes just to see if the line could be funnier because in the end are you not making it for the funnies? Try not to write it as the original episode with some jokes added in. Try to write jokes with a plot (doesn't have to be the original plot) connecting the jokes together. Don't be afraid to let the script get nutty and try not to include jokes from the actual show. People tend to laugh at stuff they don't see coming more often than not but don't go too far out unless you're PurpleEyes.

Overall I'd give Naruto Shippuden Abridged Episode 2 a 4 out of 10.

(02-18-2012 12:30 PM)Airrest Wrote:  There's a certain charm to it that I don't think most people, even on this forum, are going to get or like.
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07-28-2012, 03:29 PM
Post: #9
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Wow. Some tips here. Thanks alot, TwooGiz.
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07-28-2012, 05:19 PM (This post was last modified: 07-28-2012 05:20 PM by John Smith.)
Post: #10
RE: TwooGiz Criticks

To give the shortest summary of the episode I could; I felt that the beginning was a bit dry, but it picked up after that.

I'd love to know what you think.

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07-31-2012, 09:04 AM
Post: #11
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
High School of The Dead Abridged Eps 11 by John Smith

More Sydsnap already? Oh man. She did decent like usual. I like to see RespectTheHouse voice act. I can't really explain it his voice just gets to me. He needs to get a better mic though. Besides those two everyone else are new to me and they did surprisingly well.

Like you said the beginning was pretty dry although I think stale is a better word for it. It was basically a scene from any zombie fiction story. The only jokes in that scene were a boot being thrown, curse words, and an explosion at the end. I like the idea of killing the idiots but I didn't like the way it was executed. I would of made it an accidental slaughter. Both sides agreed upon something and you think everything will be fine but then some terrible accident occurs and kills the opposing side. Or something like that.

I liked the sword scene until a Facebook reference was thrown in. This scene was more goofy and light hearted which is always a plus. After that it goes to a DBZ reference which was done okay until the little girl's screeching voice made my ears bleed. Then a Star Wars reference. Then a panty joke. Then RespectTheHouse shows up and saved everyone from more bad jokes. The rest of the episode I liked.

There were two major flaws I felt need to addressed in the episode. First that sometimes it felt like the VAs were doing their lines too seriously. If they were going for drama then great job but this is for the sake of comedy. Sometimes VAs need little nudges in the right direction to get certain lines right or maybe the lines were supposed to be serious? If that's the case it's very tricky to pull jokes with serious lines off. I wouldn't recommend it unless you're very confident in your VAs. Second problem was the use of reference jokes out my butt. Reference jokes need more than just dialogue to be acceptable and even then visual aids don't always pull it off either. I'd recommend just staying away from references. I don't feel like going into why they're not good but if you really want to know I guess I'll have to.

I'd give High School of The Dead Abridged Eps 11 a 5 out of 10.

(02-18-2012 12:30 PM)Airrest Wrote:  There's a certain charm to it that I don't think most people, even on this forum, are going to get or like.
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07-31-2012, 10:24 PM (This post was last modified: 07-31-2012 10:25 PM by John Smith.)
Post: #12
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
(07-31-2012 09:04 AM)TwooGiz Wrote:  I'd give High School of The Dead Abridged Eps 11 a 5 out of 10.

Oh man, someone on the internet thinks my show is average? I can rest easy now knowing I don't completely suck, let alone know I can improve upon it for the last episode.

Oh, and thank you for taking the time to review my shit. It means a lot.

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07-31-2012, 11:43 PM
Post: #13
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
(07-31-2012 10:24 PM)John Smith Wrote:  
(07-31-2012 09:04 AM)TwooGiz Wrote:  I'd give High School of The Dead Abridged Eps 11 a 5 out of 10.

Oh man, someone on the internet thinks my show is average? I can rest easy now knowing I don't completely suck, let alone know I can improve upon it for the last episode.

Oh, and thank you for taking the time to review my shit. It means a lot.

No, you still suck, but only as much as the average sucker (abridger)

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01-08-2013, 04:32 PM
Post: #14
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Since this thread has been inactive for some time, I was unsure if you'd still be doing these critiques or not.

Anyway, here's my latest episode.




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01-10-2013, 04:36 AM (This post was last modified: 01-10-2013 12:04 PM by TwooGiz.)
Post: #15
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Inuyasha WTF AbridgeMENT 6 - Tasty Bikini by ArkaKun

The voice acting, editing, and jokes were all decent in this video. The pacing was really fast though and I'm tired right now so it was hard to follow but I got the jist of it. I didn't really like the eating bikini joke but bringing it back up at the end was unexpected and I liked it the second time around. The frog demon's high point for me was when he and the girl were yelling back and forth. My favorite joke was when the boy said he wanted to save the girl to fuck the shit out of her. I love those dirty jokes.

I've noticed in this episode and some earlier ones (if not all) you've always invloved something from the time frame in the jokes. In one episode Rebecca Black was mentioned and in this one the frog demon was making the girl sing some song. Using jokes like these are fine but you can tell later on how dated the video is and eventually these jokes won't be funny (if they ever were) because they won't be relevant.

ArkaKun you set out to make a wacky version of Inuyasha and you did it. Although "MENTing" isn't my mojo 24/7 you threw in enough dirty jokes to catch my likeness.

I'd give Inuyasha WTF AbridgeMENT 6 - Tasty Bikini a 7 out of 10.

(02-18-2012 12:30 PM)Airrest Wrote:  There's a certain charm to it that I don't think most people, even on this forum, are going to get or like.
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01-10-2013, 10:18 AM
Post: #16
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
I'm bored. So cum at me bro!


Thanks for all the good times.
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01-10-2013, 12:48 PM (This post was last modified: 01-10-2013 05:44 PM by ArkaKun.)
Post: #17
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
TwooGiz Wrote:The voice acting, editing, and jokes were all decent in this video.

Thank you.

TwooGiz Wrote:The pacing was really fast though and I'm tired right now so it was hard to follow but I got the jist of it.

I'll try my best to slow down the pacing next time. Sometimes the fastness is unintentional. It kinda ... happens.

TwooGiz Wrote:Using jokes like these are fine but you can tell later on how dated the video is and eventually these jokes won't be funny (if they ever were) because they won't be relevant.

That's actually a really good point you bring that I didn't think of. Using reference jokes can be risky because they won't relevant forever. Thanks for that. I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

TwooGiz Wrote:ArkaKun you set out to make a wacky version of Inuyasha and you did it. Although "MENTing" isn't my mojo 24/7 you threw in enough dirty jokes to catch my likeness.
I'd give Inuyasha WTF AbridgeMENT 6 - Tasty Bikini a 7 out of 10.

Thanks again. Some people actually told me to cut down the dirty jokes a little. I might try to balance out the dirty jokes and the "normal" jokes from the next time.

mattroks101 Wrote:cum at me bro!

Eww.
I don't think that's allowed in this forum.

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06-02-2013, 02:36 PM
Post: #18
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
After about 5 long months, here is another episode for you to critique:




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06-12-2013, 10:47 PM
Post: #19
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
Could you Please critque my newest Episode!


Bon Appetit, Sir Fullbuster
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05-10-2014, 03:15 AM
Post: #20
RE: TwooGiz Criticks
I let this thread die and I'm sorry. It's been almost a year so I won't review the last few since I'm sure they have improved in that time. But I would like to critique again so if anyone wants an opinion or would like to improve feel free to drop your video by.

(02-18-2012 12:30 PM)Airrest Wrote:  There's a certain charm to it that I don't think most people, even on this forum, are going to get or like.
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